Pastor husband recently left and i am not dealing with it well... yet him and his new GIRLFRIEND seem to be just PEACHY.... how do i make him feel the pain we do now that he left us...?
2007-02-06 15:58:20 · 12 answers · asked by Kelli T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
u expect him to feel bad over your hurt, when he probably doesn't. wanting him to know just keeps u feeling like a victim and keeps u in the pain longer than u should be in it. for awhile it may seem as if everything is peachy with them, but i do believe we get it back when we hurt people, take your hurt to the one who can do something about it, the lord. the pain will remain as long as u still expect something from this man, your goal should be finding a future, and getting past the pain, why would u dignify what he did to u by wanting him to know, he will not change it, nor will he come back to u. u will have to accept it, and realize he has taken a different path in life, he has something different to learn from life than u do. good luck
2007-02-07 00:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kelli, please do your self a favor and re-focus your attention. This is your form of vengeance and that's not good. Although you did not state what happened to cause the breakup, you will do your self a disservice wishing for the downfall of your ex. Again, since the readers don't really know what transpired, we really can't give you a complete opinion.
You need closure to this situation. Begin to prepare yourself for the next gift that will come your way. It may be another mate, a person you can motivate or help, etc.
You mentioned the pain "we" feel, so I assume you may be talking about a child. That would be a better reason to re-focus. There are probably people that depend on you. Please don't allow your self to get caught in a rut waiting for his downfall.
Go luck to you.
2007-02-06 16:20:10 · answer #2 · answered by Victor H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U cant, unfortunately they have to hit rock bottom before they will feel the pain .. and that could take years.. the best thing u can do , is take pride in who u are, always be able to hold ur chin up, to face urself in the mirror and know u didnt do anything wrong he did, and that u will not stoop to his level no matter how much it hurts..
Just today, my x husband finally appologized for hurting me and the kids, 10 years later after he left for another woman.. he's married now, and so am i.. and all ive ever wanted for years was for him to say he's sorry to own up to the pain he caused, and today he did.. Although he's married, i know he's not fully happy, and considering he's on his 3rd marriage, (i was his first) i think part of him realizes that he made a mistake leaving me... but fortunately i had a wonderful role model on how to handle situations (my father) and i always went above and beyond, i always did what was right, even if it killed me inside to do, i handled myself with dignity and grace even in the most hurtful and stressful of times... my kids when they grow up will be able to look at me with pride and will respect how i handled situations.. and hopefully learn something from it themselves..
The absolute way of making him feel pain is to carry on, to never let him see u sweat, even if ur stomach is tied in knots, even if u feel like breaking down in tears, always find away to put a smile on ur face.. always act happy even if ur miserable.... it hurts their pride.. realize that god is watching, and he will suffer greater consequences later, then u could ever cause here on earth..
2007-02-06 16:18:49 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't work that way. When you get dumped, your interest level goes up and you beat yourself up for a while before you get to the anger and then acceptance stages.
You'll be OK. Just get through this and learn to stop worrying about what he may or may not be feeling or doing. Who cares what he's feeling? He left, so he's not your problem anymore.
2007-02-06 16:04:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might feel bad that you're hurting, but he won't change his plans. If he was all that concerned, he wouldn't have left in the first place.
You can't make him feel YOUR pain. It will never happen...you'll only end up pissing him off and making him think he did the right thing. Pick up your dignity and move on.
2007-02-06 16:04:10 · answer #5 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to think about them and when you do, think about how they deserve each other. Hope this helps and I wish you all the luck in the world. Its hard when someone you love leaves you for someone else. Show him you are strong and can make it just fine without him in your life. Believe me he will regret it one day may take awhile but he will. But what ever you do don't let him see your hurt, that's if you can.
2007-02-06 16:07:42 · answer #6 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Self centered people don't look back.
You're asking the impossible.
They're so inspiring though, that's why you got involved with him. If you're hurt, you're looking back and can't imangine a newer better life for you with out him.
Good luck sweetie.
2007-02-06 16:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're talking about revenge. You don't want to take that route. The best way to get under his skin is to not let him know that you're bothered by it. Trust me, it works. Pretend that you're in a good mood every time you run into them.
2007-02-06 16:08:33 · answer #8 · answered by Tasha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
don't worry, he will get his soon
i love it when pastors finally come to visit us and we have to send them downstairs
so don't worry, just smile, remember, his fate has already been decided by him, we do not look kindly upon dishonor and disloyalty, bad qualities in a soul
2007-02-06 16:17:00 · answer #9 · answered by zether 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
um...u shouldnt want that. Be happy 4 him and try 2 4give him.
2007-02-06 16:02:01 · answer #10 · answered by 1hotmama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋