What do you think of my theory? It's about parents and teenagers, can you help?

Question

I've been thinking maybe one reason teenagers -normal ones- clash with their parents is because suddenly the parent isn't a god anymore.

Think about it. For the last ten years, you had all the answers. You could make it all go away with chocolate milk and a hug. Now, quite suddenly, you're an insufferable moron in your offspring's eyes. Not only that, but even on a good day, s/he honestly just doesn't need you as much. S/He can and will walk to school, for example. S/He can just go out to a movie, and doesn't need you to be there. S/He would honestly just rather go hang out with his/her friends than play catch or Monopoly with you.

My second theory is that it's also largely concern for romantic areas, as well as possibly a little defensiveness. Your kid is falling in love. You've been in love before, and you've been rejected. You see your kid moving in that place and you want to protect him. You also maybe see it as something of an invasion.

(Continued from above)

Also, you see every mistake you ever made potentially happening again in your kid, so you want to keep your kid safe, so you end up clashing.

But mostly I think the first one. It also gets to be that your kid is getting to where his tastes differ from yours. He likes Metallica, and you can't stand that screaming garbage. He's painted his room red when it looks terrible to your eyes. He wants to wear _those_ kinds of clothes. And you can't really stop him the same way you could when he was six.

I'd like more answers from parents if possible.

Answer 1

I don't know if I count I'm a parent but I'm also a teen. I never really clashed with my mom just my step-dad but it was because I had all the retrictions of a seven year old. Bed by 8p.m., couldn't go out without a parent, no boyfriends, had to ask to go into the fridge, etc. and this is at 16 I graduated early and had a full-time job. I never even question what he what he did 'til I met my soon to be husband. I guess I kinda agree with your secound therory because I even fought my mom with that one.

Answer 2

Unfortunately your theory is written from a teenage perspective and is therefore fundamentally flawed.

There is a difference between wisdom and knowledge. Teens have knowledge, and therefore feel they are the masters of the race. On a good day they feel parents are insufferable morons. They feel that they do not need the parents, because they can walk to school by themselves or go to a movie. And of course, they feel they are falling in love.

However with age comes wisdom. All the books written that have given knowledge to the teen, all came from old people that knew what to put into the books.... and what to leave out. Parents understand, that kids feel they no longer need the parent, but the parent knows that for several more years the child has the ability to be a child, only as long as that parent is still a parent. So they make rules, and force children to act and behave as children, because with their wisdom they know that if you are not a child.... you are an adult, and being a child is a whole lot more fun than being an adult. However they also know that their child will need to leave at some point, and so are given tasks to help them develop into adults, even though the child does not like the task... or the thought of growing up.

As for love, the parent remembers when they thought they were in love, but unfortunately with wisdom they know its just hormones acting up and this too shall pass.

The clash between parents and teens is due primarily to the difference in society between now and say 300 years ago. Back then a "teenager" was a middle age adult who had been working for the last 3-9 years and their parents, now toothless and crippled, were relying on them to support them in their old age.

So the problem really is that we the parents are wondering when you the teens are going to start giving US the money for those movies, Ipods, Cellphones, Cars, gas, insurance, homes, etc.... and maybe we do get a bit cranky..... when we start thinking we've got to wait another 30 years for you to start providing for US!

Answer 3

I believe this theory is completely inaccurate. The reason teenagers clash with there parents normally does not have to do with their parents, but with the stages of adolescence. The body is getting ready to spring into adulthood, while the mind may not be ready for the psychological needs of adulthood. Another extremely large factor of adolescence is hormones. These can obviously cause catastrophic mood swings and definitely a rebel attitude towards those who raised you. A common accepted rule is that every generation believes the next generation are going to destroy the world and believe that generation has it easier. Do they? I don't know. Obviously no generation has destroyed the world (it did come close though with nuclear bombs and whatnot) . It is an accepted fact that every single person will have some (even extremely small) amount of a rebellion attitude, not always made obvious to the parents. It is just a part of growing up, and society doesn't need to over-analyze the small situations. All the parents can do is raise their child to know the difference between right and wrong, help them along the way, nurture them, and pray that they do not become convicted felons. (Yes, a little dramatic.)

Answer 4

A teenager is testing the parents limits. Trying to find her own way, develop her own tastes. A time to push the envelope and grow up, yet to have Mom & Dad there, in case things go too far.

When this time is over, the teen has to emerge as a young adult.

At the same time, the parent is not willing to be pushed so hard. The parent sees the dangers the teen may be flirting with. And the parent is afraid that the teen will get into trouble.

All comes out well, once the parent realizes that it's time to let the child go.

Answer 5

The parent is still responsible for your well being and existence, this makes the parents very defensive and if they see pitfall that they had previously experienced, they get agitated. While u want to explore and satisfy your curiosity, they want your safety, this leads to a clash. Once u grow, and are responsible for your own existence, they don't clash.
Now that I have grown up and make all decisions, I wish I had my mom and dad to help make decisions. Life is hard and indifferent task master.

Answer 6

You've pretty much nailed it its a combo of all those things..they are getting their "wings" and testing them out being a mom your never quite ready...you look at he/she and still see this little kindergartener on his way to class, and sometimes its sheer will that makes you want to believe for just a bit longer that they are not going through all they are going through...because that means that the really hard stuff is coming, and NOTHING will ever be the same, and for a parent..that means mourning a piece of life that will never come back.

Answer 7

I'm a parent, and while I'm still dealiing with a few teens, I have already gone through it several times already. Am I pro? Heck no, cause each child repeats some things and then does or attempts things I never encounterd before. They keep me on my toes.

I actually agree with the god perspective. Once a child hits those double-digits (sometimes a little sooner),he or she begins to clash with the parent more and more for greater control over his or her life. The more independent a child becomes, the more others are going to influence him or her (not as in are sheep, or lemmings). Friends are very important in most childrens' lives.

Therefore, the parents find themselves with less influence because the child wants to fit in, or at least not stand out; and wants to establish an identity apart from his or her parents. It becomes MUCH more important to be Joe's girlfriend, than Daddy's girl.

So the battle over 'power' begins. Curfew, Cash, Clothes, Friends, Hair, Where to go, with whom, and so on. I had to trust that we had taught them the right values in the first place. Otherwise you can worry yourself to pieces about what thay are doing.

My biggest struggle was chores. At about 15 or 16 (I was fortunate) they wereway too busy to wash a few dishes, take out the trash, or even get their own things ready to be washed.

So instead of being the one who made the house run like clockwork, and made everything okay, I became the one who was in the way of what they wanted to do.

My boys & one of the girls wanted tatoos. Did they get them? Not until they were in their 20's. Piercings? One of the boys and his friends all started this in his 20's as well. However, he & his friends all decided to dye their hair blond at about 18 or 19. The younger ones and I mostly disagree about being able to go out: where, with whom, how long; and (one daughter) about clothes & makeup. And chores.

We never had a problem with music, because except for music with swearing (absolutely out, though when they were out of the house they probably listened to it) because I liked & listened (listen) to the same music. If I like it, I listen to it. It doesn't matter whether it's from the '60's or came out yesterday.

About romance. I never really worried about it. I really did trust them to not make a mistake, because they were taught to make sure what you do is the right thing to do and that it is right for you (and to never yield to pressure). And I knew all of the people they were into (until they were about 19), although a few of my boys tried the several women thing. I don't mind it, because I would prefer to know who they are going with, than find out 3, 4 or 5 years later.

I never resented them being interested in people because I had been rejected. I have actually been married more than 20 years.
But, I was always concerned they might hurt someone or someone might hurt them. Romantically. Feelings are delicate, especially with young hearts. Parents just always want things to go well for their children. However, that doesn't always happen.

Protecting them from romance never really crossed my mind. From harm, yes, but from romance is kind of difficult to do. I might try to protect them from someone I could see might take advantage of them, mistreat them, or ultimately hurt them. I don't just kiss them as they leave and say I hope all goes well for you.
I keep my eyes open just in case.

Being a parent of a teen (or anyone at any age) isn't always easy. Your decisions & actions are not always the perfect, you may misjudge a situation or action, you can overreact, or you can even be right and respond wrong. Sometimes your child will go against you and do what they want to anyway; then you may find yourself drying tears, issuing a punishment, or even watching them deal with a broken heart or some other disappointment. You have to do what you think is best for your family, using the best wisdom and common sense you have. And with all the love in your heart.



Hope this helps!

Answer 8

I'v been thinking about that theary to! Becouse all of the sudden when the say to do something you start to think and are like wait a minute is that what I want to really do? But in the whole I think they still try to have your back when you are 50.

LOVE THE THEARY AND AGREE!

Answer 9

you are very insightful i would like to know your age

and i see allot of me and my kids in what you say
most days my kids make me feel like a cash machine and a cook other than that I'm not here and they cant see me but i know i gave them all they need to be great adults and to always be safe

Answer 10

I am a mother of two teenage girls and I know what you mean but the important thing is you have to set limlts and boundries.