Do your children always break your heart or do we do it to ourselves?

Answer 1

Each of us can control ONLY ONE THING -- how we react. You can't control your children. All you can do as a parent is set an example, protect them, support them and give them lots of hugs and lots of love. But sometime between ages 5 to 10 they develop their own personality enough to begin making important decisions without you. Certainly by the time they're in their teens they have pretty much taken over the decision making for themselves. Not much you can do about it. Sure, you control the purse strings and to a certain extent you can exercise some control over them by threats and denial. But you really can't control how they think, how they act, or anything else about them. You can control how you react to them. So if you feel disappointed, it is you who has the feeling and it is your reaction to whatever it is they did. Same for broken hearts, tears, sadness, despair, worry, etc. All these emotions parents feel are feelings expressed by the parents. You might consider evaluating their conduct as learning opportunities for them. Instead of expressing your reaction as a "broken heart", think of the situation as a learning experience for your child, and share with him/her your thoughts as to what lesson they might have learned. If you are hurt it is because you have chosen to be hurt. Your choice. Children rarely set out to hurt (i.e., break the heart of) their parents.

Answer 2

They have their moments when my heart breaks to see how they try to handle a hard situation, and just don't know what to expect? But most of the time they fill my heart with so much love, that it takes the place of any hurt that has been inflicted on me.

Answer 3

My children do not always break my heart ... They give me alot of joy as well and the good times far out weigh the bad. I love and cherish my kids and we do alot of out heart break ourselves as we expect too much out of and from our kids at times.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Sometimes it's both. We can raise our kids the best we can in the right ways, but sometimes they will make choices in their lives that we don't like or agree with and those choices they make will break our hearts.

My feeling about it is, the best thing I can do is raise my kids the best I can in a manor that's pleasing to God and to pray for them as they grow up and keep praying for them even when they make decisions that we don't agree with or ones that break our hearts.

Answer 6

I do agree it is both...... and it comes with being a parent..... but our children have a lot of power over us, because we as parents do not have the ability to shut off the love valve....I think it is more that we hurt FOR our children that being heart broken.... When I see one of mine hurt I almost fall apart I hurt so bad.... I have been thru a lot of pain in my life and the last thing I want to see is one of my babies hurt...... God bless

Answer 7

My kids have never broken my heart, but they've broken my spirit a bit, more than once; not intentionally though. They love me and I know it....I just have to learn to stop (s)mothering them, and I'm really trying.

Answer 8

I think that we do it to ourselves with high expectations of what they will do for us and become. We should not have any expectations and that will prevent us from getting hurt.

Answer 9

we do the majority to ourselves...for sure..

don't blame the children.........

Answer 10

Probably some of both.