Negative Feelings VS Disagreement with homosexual lifestyle ...?

Question

First off let me say that I am gay so I dont get jumped. Today in class we were talking about homophobia and the instructor said that being homophobic is the same as disagreeing with the homosexual lifestyle. I disagree.

I believe that homophobia is having negative feelings rooted in a fear of ones own sexuality towards homosexuals.

I believe that disagreeing with homosexuality is a religious sacrament (just like marriage) that does not necessarily mean that the person is homophobic, but concerned for the soul.

The reason why I believe this is because I was raised by very strict protestant parents who disagreed with my lifestyle, but are not homophobic and have no negative feelings towards homosexuality.

So my question is: Which is worse ... being a homophobe or disagreeing with the lifestyle.

Thanks

First off. Everyone lives a lifestyle. Homosexuality whether you want to call it a lifestyle is a type of behavior. Whether biological or not. Don't attack me because of my beliefs, try to prove them wrong.

Answer 1

If you're gay, then you ought to know that being gay is NOT a lifestyle. Lifestyles are chosen. Being gay is something that is determined before birth.

I don't jump guys I don't know so, don't worry about it.

Answer 2

It is certainly not a universal "spiritual sacrament." Over 30 local parishes from a number of denominations advertise in the local CommUnity gay paper, offering open doors. Another 15 or so have full diversity. That doesn't count Reform and Conservative Egalitarian Judaism, several local Wiccan congregations, including one that owns their own church building, and some other groups that welcome gays.

I think you are conflating things incorrectly however. I have never known a person who disagreed with my life (I have little style, sorry, I just happen to be gay - but what your parents, though hopefully not you mean by lifestyle is not part of my life) that was not homophobic. I am religious myself and know many religious people -- those that had a "religious sacrament" against what I am most certainly also had some degree of homophobia in addition. Those from parishes like the one that I now attend, that are fully accepting of gays and totally inclusive are neither against what I am, nor are they homophobic.

I suspect that you really want to believe what your parents tell you, and would like to think that they are good people who really love you and just don't agree with you. I don't know them, I don't have a right to disagree -- but I've never seen that as a reality, though I've seen young people attempt to believe, even claim it for themselves.

May you be embraced in love,

Reyn
[e-mail]
http://www.rebuff.org

Answer 3

I think you need to know where the term "homophobe" came from, and this is not from a religious site...this was printed in Psychology Today. In the early 70s, there were gays who wanted to indulge indiscriminately. There were also gays who wanted to settle down with one partner in an exclusive relationship. The orgy gays (that is an accurate description) sneered at the others and called them homophobic because they claimed that the monogamous bunch was only play-acting as if they were heterosexual, and couldn't accept the freedom of being gay. The tables were turned when AIDS came on the scene and the monogamous gays threw the term back in their faces, claiming that the orgy gays couldn't accept personal responsibility for their homosexuality and were therefore homophobic themselves. Eventually they both decided that it would be better to swing together and create a fictitious disease that they could use to censor anybody they pleased whenever they wanted to. Homophobe is an essentially meaningless term, and I'm not too terribly impressed by either the people who cooked it up or by the people who keep it alive.

Answer 4

Why do you think, Dearest? The Gay Folk have been derided, attacked, horribly slandered by others. Your question -- as innocent as it may have appeared -- was just one in a never-ending line of them. I have a monogamous 27 year relationship. I contantly have to justify it. If I was a heterosexual, no one would ever blink. I'd be lauded for such an accomplishment in this world but because I'm a Lesbian people look at me funny. (and then they congratulate me!) Jesus said Not One Word about Homosexuality. Take His example and Say Not One Word against your Neighbor. Blessed are the Merciful.

Answer 5

You keep using the word lifestyle in connection to homosexuality, which indicates you have bought into the misinformed notions of your parents and others around you. You need to understand this: HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT A LIFESTYLE! Your lifestyle refers to your hobbies, your interests, the manner in which you spend your time. Being gay is not a hobby, it is an inherent quality like being tall or having ears that stick out--we're stuck with it. When misinformed people refer to homosexuality as a lifestyle, as in, I don't agree with the homosexual lifestyle, they are really saying, homosexuals should hide under a rock because the subject makes me uneasy. I'm very sorry to hear you have parents who have so little understanding, but I hope you do not fall into the trap of letting them define you, and I hope you can find a supportive community to surround yourself with.

Answer 6

First off, and don't take this wrong but it really ticks me off, if your instructor in any way used the word "disagree" when referring to anything regarding homosexuality you tell him for me to go back to school!
One can not disagree with some that is. Period. It is impossible. The correct term to use is "DISAPPROVE" and the connotations are vastly different.

Next, homophobia is an uncontrollable fear of homosexuals, like arachnophobia is that of spiders. The word is used wayyyy too often to mask the real problem, that being outright deliberate hatred. The sort of deliberate hatred that you see on this forum or, for example, displayed by the Westboro Baptist Church takes malice of forethought, a conscious decision, one that is contemplated in order to validate a maladjusted, convoluted delusion of authority.

Two very different things.

Answer 7

Any phobia is an overwhelming fear of something. Homophobes are actual frightened by Gays...frightened very deeply. They have NO reasons that are rational ... certainly no different than the person who cannot leave their house out of fear of being outside their house. Phobias are many, all are irrational. Just because someone does not agree with a "lifestyle" (stupid choice of words in this context), does not mean they fear gays...it just means they will not act sexually with one of their own sex. Big difference here...very big.

Answer 8

First you'ld have to answer what exactly is a "gay lifestyle."
Seriously, I'm gay, but my life is consisted of working, paying bills, caring for my son and my partner, doing dishes, cleaning house, shopping, supporting my son and helping him with his college search, voluteering for causes I believe in, setting up my merchant shop for a local ren faire, building up my inventory, helping my son with his scholarship search, helping my partner's Uncle with his mobile educational Civil War History museum, paying my taxes...etc

I have yet to see a "gay house" or a "gay car" or "gay taxes" or "gay food."
My style of living is what makes up my "Lifestyle." The things I do, the products and services I utilize, the kind of citizen I am and kind of parent I am.

People who tell me they "disagree" with my "lifestyle" usually don't have a clue of what my "lifestyle" actually is!

These people make assumptions based on their fears and their beliefs, regardless of the truth.
That makes them HOMOPHOBES. It's much more than simply disagreeing with my "lifestyle."

Answer 9

I vote for being a homophobe! Fear is often the force behind hate and misunderstanding.

Answer 10

HONEST disagreeing with a position ACTUALLY requires you to know all the positions of that position. Therefore, if they understand and appreciate what goes on in a gay persons life and still disagree with it, then I say, "let them." Its those who don't know, don't care and don't want to know that I have a problem with. They just do it out of ignorance and are too lazy to learn and uncaring enough to care.

Honest disagreement is JUST THAT. Honest disagreement.

Answer 11

being a homophobe is the worse...disagreeing with my lifestyle doesn't bother me because I don't expect people to agree with a lot of things about me...but to intensely dislike me without any recourse from me is not right.