My boyfriend/fiancee is leaving for iraq in June. We want to get married we just dont know when is the best time. We think maybe its best to go ahead and get married. We love each other. we are best friends. and we live with each other. Right now were both in college. Hes a senior im a sophmore. Hes worried about me. I dont have any health insurance, and he wants me to be able to have benefits while hes gone. I dont have much financial support from my family even though we have a good relationship, I pay my bills on my own.
I could use some information from military wives
Thanks..
2007-02-06 14:35:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
when you are involved with a military man, it is easier to be married. As a GF you have no rights, god forbid something happen to him, they wont be knocking on your door. You have respect as a wife, and will be able too AND WANT TO join the FRG, family readiness group, he will know what this is or his superiors will. They will keep you up to date on things and are ones you can lean on.They are the wives of the men in the unit. Ive been married to my army hub for 2 1/2 yrs and we got married at 19. he is my best friend, and we dont regret it.He is in Iraq right now, has been for 7 months. If you two get married, he will take you to base and get you an ID card, this gives you rights to use services on base, including the hospital, he will need to enroll you in DEERS and set that all up for you as you will not be able to yourself.He will also get extra money. BAH which is housing money, ours in $1038 but it differs where you live, BAS , for food usually around $200. not to mention the overseas pay which is usually $575 or so. This is all on top of his base pay.Im sure it would be very helpful to you.The deployment will be terrible but you will be able to get through it!Also, he may want to give you a POA incase anything happens while he is gone.My car took a dump and I needed to get a new one, used my POA and had no problem
2007-02-06 14:56:57 · answer #1 · answered by cherokee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is Yes! Definitely get married before he leaves for Iraq! I am a newlywed Military Wife myself and my husband just re-enlisted in the army and probably will be deployed around Christmas time. If you two really do love each other and you think you can handle him being gone for a year not even six months into your marriage than definitely get married before he leaves! If it all you or him second guessing anytime before you two actually do tie the knot then do not do it, but if you are both positive it is what you want than do it!! It will be well worth it financially and you can go immediately with him wherever he gets stationed when he gets back. Just go to the courthouse, like my husband and I did, and "Get Ir Done"!!!!!! Please email with any questions you may have or if you just want to talk! 8 - )
2007-02-06 23:35:09 · answer #2 · answered by gemittarrius 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a military wife, I'm a military mom, and my dad was in the military for 22 years so I grew up military (so to speak). Get married before he goes. You will have insurance, and he will get more pay because he's married. If you're living together now anyway, why wait? Sock away the extra money while he's gone and maybe you can buy a house when he gets back. Best of luck to you both. My prayers are with all our troops away from home...
2007-02-06 23:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to make sure that if he leaves for a lengthy time that you can handle being apart. There are too many couples in the military that are married and get overwhelmed with not being together and they do some really stupid things. With that said, yes it is a good idea to get married before he leaves, but don't get married just for the insurance and money. You say you love each other and being in the military really tests that love to no end. Hope everything works out for you two.
2007-02-06 22:48:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter asked me the very same question four days before her boyfriend was due to head back to Iraq for the second time. He had asked her to marry him. This is what I told her. 1. How sure are you that you want to marry him? (She said 100%). 2. Which would make him more able to concentrate on his job in such a dangerous place: if he already had married you or if he planned to marry you when he returned. (she said if he was already married).
3. If the very worst were to happen to him, would you rather he die knowing you had married him or knowing (hoping, planning) for you to marry him when he returned?
At that point she told me to hang up so she could call him. After some very hurried calls, his dad turned his semi homeward from several states away so he could make it back in time to marry them. The next day his dad rolled in, took a shower, got dressed, grabbed his Bible and within two hours they had their license and were married. Their honeymoon consisted of staying on base and signing all the legal paperwork. Two days later, she saw him board the plane at Ft. Campbell. That was more than four years ago. He's the greatest son-in-law ever and they are a happy family.
I can't give you advice; all I can do is tell you what my kids did. I hope you will work it out for the best for the two of you and I pray he will have a safe deployment and be home soon.
2007-02-06 23:29:54 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an army wife. My husband and I got married just before he left for basic (after dating for more than 5 years) We moved our wedding date up because they get paid better if they're married plus the spouses get benefits (health insurance being the main one) With your boyfriend deploying he'd be able to get family separation pay (which I want to say was at 150/month when my husband was deployed) If you guys were already planning on getting married you should do it now. The pros outweigh the cons. Good luck to you guys....and don't listen to others about how wives got cheated on etc etc..that happens in civilian life too.
I had to add something....another poster mentioned that you might get widowed young..again that happens to civilians...there are no guarantees in life. BUT if you were married then you'd be taken care of. A couple that we know were in a similar situation as far as living together etc. They decided to get married b/c he was afraid something would happen and she wouldn't be able to take care of herself. Unfortunately he did get killed but he made sure the woman he loved was taken care of and that's what he wanted and I know she would have been even more devastated (if that's possible) if they hadn't been able to have that time together as husband and wife.
(Sorry I know that part was a downer but if you want to be a military spouse you have to be prepared for the worst case scenario)
2007-02-06 22:52:57 · answer #6 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down together and talk all over, which would be the best for both of you. If you marry you may or may not have a husband come home. You would have Insurance and a little benefits, but it just doesn't seem fair to either of you . You get married and something bad happens, then you are a widow so young, if he does come home he may not be the person that you remember, people change. I think for the both of you that you should wait and then have a big wedding when he comes home
Then you could start your life together without all the separations and be a family and start your family the right not half way. Best of Luck to both of you.
2007-02-06 22:50:38 · answer #7 · answered by Nicki 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you're both concerned about your financial security, I think then you should go ahead and get married. At least you are taken care of and I'm happy for you to have found a man who cares for your well-being.
However, as you know, as much as you love each other, the distance between you two may prove to be problematic. I'm sure you know what I mean by that.
So, perhaps you should hold off having kids until he comes back for good.
I wish your fiance/boyfren all the best in Iraq and congrats to you both if you make it to the alter :-)
2007-02-06 22:49:40 · answer #8 · answered by snoringcouchprincess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a military wife i will not lie but i know military wives. Two of my friends married their men before they shipped out for Iraq. They are lonely to be honest. One got cheated on and one hasn't even heard from her husband. If you are in love and you trust him and you are marrying for the right reasons(health insurance is not a valid reason to enter into a marriage) then yes get married. IF you are not sure wait...if he loves you and you love him and it is right you will both be there for each other when he returns. Follow your heart. Good luck to you
2007-02-06 22:41:24 · answer #9 · answered by Samantha 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you two really are serious about getting married, then you should do it before he leaves. You will find that it will be much easier for you to, at the least, get support for the times you get lonely, worried or scared because you will be able to talk to other military spouses that are(or have been) in the same situation as you. Not to mention, you will be able to get health benefits and you could possibly get on base housing(or housing assistance) so you won't have to worry about your rent and what-not.
2007-02-06 22:53:24 · answer #10 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋