What do I do when he wants it all the time?

Question

I just got married 4 months ago. I'm married to the best guy on the planet. Only one problem. All he wants to do is have sex. i don;t like sex. I dont know why. Just dont. I feel like I'm doing a chore to do it. I only do it to make him happy. But I also feel like I should never have to do anything that I really hate just to please someone else. What to do...?

ADDING MORE: Sex is not a NEED. Stop acting like it is. Di you NEED sex before you had it the very first time? No, so how can it possibly a need? It would more appropriately be categorized as an addiction. Crystal meth is highly addictive. Use it once and ur hooked. But is that a physical NEED? No, because you never needed it until you used it. It's an addiction. And hell no I'm not going to a doctor. "Hey Dr. Mitchell, um....I don;t like sex." thats stupid. I HATE going to the doctor. I only go if I feel like I'm dying. And i REFUSE to go share my sex life with anyone else. I go to OBGYNs or anything either and i wont. So the doctor thing is out. And here's looking at the bright side. MY husband has lots of moiney. If he goes outside the marriage for sex, I'll fight it and get it all. haha. Talking about being positive, eh? But seriously. It's not a NEED for him. He will live. I already give it to him about twice a week (2 times more than I want to) and do the whole faking thing.

Answer 1

have sex...if u dont like it see a therapist cuz something is wrong with u..there should be something that he can do sexually to make u like it

Answer 2

Did something change when you got married or has it always been this way?Have you never liked sex?If so, then did your husband know this before you got married?If it's a new thing then there can be many reasons for it, some of which can be remedied (ie some medical problems that your doctor can help with). It's not something that should be ignored because if you plan on spending the rest of your life with this person then you should hopefully be able to communicate with each other. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of life but it's pretty important!Don't let it turn into some huge issue, talk to your husband about it and possibly talk to your doctor too, keeping it to yourself will only make things more uncomfortable and difficult for both you and your husband. As some other people have commented, try and figure out what you do like and incorporate that into your life with your husband. Chances are you'll be a lot happier once you're both on the same page!

Answer 3

Exactly what I went through. I found that the more he wanted it, the more turned off I was. I was never that way with anyone else that I had a serious relationship with. I really just had an "a-ha moment" after the 100th argument when I thought, here is the person I plan on being with until I'm old, who will see me and be with me through everything - good bad and ugly. Why not make a great experience even better by actually learning to really enjoy it. Having a 5 year old doesn't help but I've learned that there is family time and mom and dad time. We honestly contemplated couples therapy and think it's really healthy for even couples who don't have major problems. Your in it for the long haul, enjoy the ride. Good luck!

Answer 4

This isn't the problem. There are two problems here:
1. Why don't you enjoy it?
2. Why doesn't he seem to be aware that there is a problem?

You need to talk about this on the basis that neither of you is "right or wrong" but both of you want both of you to be happy. Solve problem 1 and you might both be happy because you both want it all the time. Solve problem 2. and you might be both be happy because you do it only when you both want to. Solve both and you'll be delerious.

Basically talk and listen with each other - the answer to 2. is that he probably does know there is a problem but doesn't know how to talk about it - so you've got to start. How about:

"I don't enjoy sex at the moment but because I love you and want a great relationship with you I want to sort this out together ...".

There are plenty of places to get help and advice but don't forget you've only been married 4 months it takes time and effort to get sex and relationships right. This is a project the two of you should enjoy working on for the rest of your marriage.

Good luck

Answer 5

Wow you are in a very sad situation. This must be tearing you up inside. Surprisingly your not alone. There are many marriages like yours. Men are built with a strong sex drive especially between the ages of 17-26. Women's strongest sex drive tends to kick in around 28-35. Sex is a very important factor in a marriage relationship. It is the positive and driving factor that brings two loving people together. If you tend to not feel close to him during sex and that it is a chore, then something needs to be fixed. Many women have an internal negative view of sex, as if its something perverted. But sex is a beautiful thing. There are also cases where women have a drop in sex drive after giving birth to children and never seem to have it again. But this is probably not your situation. And usually a hormonel imbalance can be fixed with some drugs. But many times it is just mental. You can break through and have a very fullfilling sex life with your husband. You just have to work at that's all.

Let me ask you, when you were dating...do you remember the first time you made out? Do you remember how crazy he made you feel? That is passion. Marriage's take a lot of work to keep the passion and love alive. Sit down and talk with him about how you feel. You will be amazed at how talking can really help increase your level of connection with him. Just tell him that you love him so much, but that this is what your struggling with. You need to also be fulfilled to climax during sex as well. He needs to make it a priority for you to enjoy sex. Sex is not a chore, it is an exciting adventure that you can dip in to at anytime in your relationship. Sex should be a way for the two of you to connect, not a driving force for a 'chore'. Don't worry you two can work through this.

Answer 6

ok well usually i would say that if you just start doing it to make your husband happy eventually you will really start to enjoy it. but you are already doing that. so that leaves me with only one thing i can think of. for some reason you have some sort of a psychological block when it comes to sex. usually this happens with people who were either the children of overly religious parents, (like the kids of that psycho church guy in kansas) or many people who were sexually assaulted or molested have feelings like that. but you have said that you have no idea why, and i will take you at your word. if either of the things above do apply i will suggest that you seek intensive professional help.

that being said again i am gonna take you at your word that you do not know why you do not like sex. so i will go off of the other reasons that usually cause something like this, you see humans are programmed to like sex, the nervous system is designed to make it feel good and be enjoyable, the brain is designed to release endorphins and other chemicals into your body to make it more enjoyable, your entire body is programmed to make sex enjoyable. so i can see 2 possible reasons for your feelings. one being that there is some psychological block against sex, maybe it is because the first time you had sex or the first person you had sex with had something terrible happen to them or you. this could without you realizing. another and it seems more likely possibility is that there is something in your husbands technique that does not work for you.
and since it does not seem form this message that you know what works for you i am kinda assuming that you do not have a whole lot of experience yourself, so i think probably the best idea is to find a sex therapist or something similar to help you as a couple enjoy each other sexually. there is nothing wrong with this either my ex wife and i did this and it drastically improved our sex life. unfortunately nothing else in our relationship worked. lol any way take your husband wanting to have sex you all the time it means he is attracted to you and wants to be close to you and love you. good luck.

Answer 7

I am with JRSK007 on this...what on earth possessed you to marry this poor guy, knowing from the outset that you don't like sex in any way shape or form? For the last four months you have been living a lie to your husband...four months of lies about the sex between you is possibly ok--IF you decide to find out why you don't like sex, and try to get it sorted and carry on from there--but forty/fifty years...a lifetime to be keeping this lie going throughout your married life, to 'the best guy on the planet'? The best guy on the planet deserves better than that surely! If you don't like sex, the sex act, or indeed anything to do with sex, then do the decent thing, and let this poor guy go so that he can have a fullfilling sexual life with someone who appreciates his love, his sex, and who reciprocates in kind...please don't keep up the lie-your guilt about it will get more and more enormous as the years roll by.

Answer 8

Were you both eachothers first? Sometimes with men when they have been saving themselves for their wife, it is so exciting and feels so good that they do want it all the time. I know that you don't care for sex, but try to look at it as growing or bonding with your husband. The bible even talks about giving of your body to your husband. Try to remember that your husband loves you and finds you very desirable. That is a good thing!! Is there something that he could do to make you more in tune with his needs? I hope that you are able to come to terms with your delima and you are able to get on board. Intimacy plays a large role in a healthy marriage. You can not tell him though that you do not like sex. All he will most likely hear is that you don't like to have sex with him. Apparently, from what you wrote, this is your personal delima---not his. He will be heartbroken if he learns he does not turn you on enough to enjoy being intimate.

Answer 9

You don't like sex at all? You should look into counceling. Noone says you have to like it all the time but it's just not natural to not like it at all. You don't have to be available for sex 24/7 but your a wife now and you both have needs. Is there something lacking? Talk to your husband. Maybe you guys can try a few new tricks. Maybe he won't push so hard to do it if he knows that it's not your cup of tea. But there should be some sex in a marriage otherwise your just roommates with the same last name.

Answer 10

Talk with him about it.Tell him sex is okay,but with a good balance.You can have sex but not all time.Marriages who do that,after few months or few years,finished hating each other,and the marriage is over.Marriage mean: love and sex with a good balance.Love is forever,sex need to have a balance.Sex is like this: if you eat too much the same food all time,after you will hate that food.Sex with balance mean: schedule when can be the best days or time (weekend) or 3 days per week,etc.to have sex.You can get information about what a healthy sex mean,at the library,Internet,etc.Tell to your husband.Tell him that both have all the life to have sex,many years in the future.Good luck,good question.

Answer 11

I suggest that you spend a little private time with yourself, and figure out what you DO like. What feels good, what doesn't. Then give him "lessons" on how to make it better for you. Also some women have physical issues that make sex uncofortable or painful or that stop them from having that special "zing". Check with your GYN doctor on that. Often these troubles can be corrected. If you're not enjoying it, there must be a reason. You owe it to your marriage to at least see if you can become interested, because marriage is hard enough in the best of circumstances, but trying to keep it going with a man who isn't sexually satisfied is a challenge indeed!