advice on coming out to friends!???

Question

i'm looking for general advice on coming out to freinds / dorm buddies

alright... before i explain, just so you no i'm fairly drunk as i type this, so soorry for type-o's

i'm a 19 college fresh man, and yea, i;,m gay. i'ver never really denied it, but i haven't ever come ourt. tomottow, my colleg, RHIT, is celebratiing "it's okay to br gay day" and i geel it's time to vlear the air about who i am.

alot of my good friensd are already mocking how tommotow is "gay prife day" and they are supprisinhly intolerant.

i am looking for general advice on what to say/do... i'm not the kinda gay guy that fits a single one of the stero types of a 'normal' gay dude.

i have no clue how tpo "come iout" because i never have before... my family knew clearly before i was to that point of admiting it, so i never had to tell them, they always knew. same with my highschool frineds..,

what do i do? what do i say? how do i act? what should i be ready for:?

please help.

Answer 1

First and for most I'am a lesbian woman and i know how you are feeling. Let me just tell it to you like it is if they are truly your friends then they will love you and be there for you no matter what you are or who you are atrracted to, but let me tell you one thing you cannot expect for all your friends to like it our even want to be around you after that. It's not somethingh easy to tell your firends but if they are really your friends then they will accept you for what you are but in the end you will defintley know who your real friends are. But always remeber stay true to yourself you only have one life to live, live it to the fullest you are not here on this earth to please others or worry about what other people think about you, because if you are then you will forvevr be in the closet
so please take this advice and know that to love yourself more and be happy in life is the greats feeling then being mesiarble because your scared of what your friends or people might say you should always put your happiness first. I know ever since i have come out I;ve been more happy then i could ever express. Because me myself have lived my life for others because i got so but down for being gay and family and friends saying that is worng but i realized that i was put here to live my own life and be happy not depressed. I've been in the life for 9 years now and you know what yes i lost people who i thought were my friends and yes in thee end when i came out all i had left far has friends was my bestfriend and she accepted me for who i was and now 9 years later she is still there plus i have new people who have entered my life that are staright and accept it so in the long run you will lose some but only means that they were never there to stay anyways but you will will defintley gain more love then you could ever expierence just by being you.

Answer 2

Wow. Tomorrow might not be the day to tell them! Also, you may need to make different friends if the ones you have now are that anti-gay or intolerant.

That said, I make all kinds of racial jokes. I make woman jokes and blond jokes and Polish jokes...and I'm all 3. I just have a thick skin and realize a joke is just a joke. So maybe they aren't being so intolerant as much as they might be poking fun at gay pride festivities...which, admit it, are always flashy and unique and pretty interesting and funny to observe.

So if your friends are cool in general you might want to pick the best, most welcoming, openminded two of them and tell them in advance. Then ask for their support when you tell the rest of your crowd.

Don't do it when everyone has been drinking. That's just stupid. Also, make sure they don't think you are kidding. Just tell them the truth.

I am not gay, so I am sure you can get better advice from someone who has come out. I have 2 family members who are gay and who came out. One told us all as a group. One told us each individually. And a fried told his family by inviting them to his "wedding " to his partner of 6 years. THAT was so cool. He planned this big party and invited everyone. He had a tent that was sealed. After everyone arrived, he gathered them all at the entrance to the tent, had the flaps swung back and there was a banner saying "Welcome to the union of George and Rick. We're gay. We're not kidding. Then they passed out wedding programs that had statements to their families about the pain they've endured by keepign the secret, how happy they are together, how they understand some people might not be able to handle the facts so if they didn't want to attend the wedding they could either stay outside of the tent and still enjoy the BBQ or they could leave if they needed to. Not one person left. Inside the tent it looked like a church with chairs lined up in rows, some flowers, really tastefully done (for a mid priced tent!) and a minister and 4 servers who appeared with champagne glasses filled with champagne for toasting. A 3 minute ceremony was performed, BOTH fathers even gave really moving, on the spot toasts, both mothers danced with their sons...it was awesome.

Good luck. Please be sober when you do it thougH.

Answer 3

You have to decide what is more important to you... A or B. A) keeping all of your "friendships" you currently have along with your popularity status, respect, and not being harassed at school B) Expressing who you are and being able to hook up with guys who want you There isn't a right answer. Though ethically B would probably be the choice, this is a decision that will affect (if your in 12th grade) the rest of your senior year or (if your in 11th) the rest of junior and all of senior year. If you chose A, then you probably better off taking you're secret to graduation, and maybe hooking up with guys from other schools or neighboring cities to keep yourself satisfied. Then when you get to either collage or whatever your planning to do after high school, you can decide weather or not to be open with the new people you meet. If you chose B, be prepared to lose a considerable amount of respect and guy-friends, but to gain a lot of respect form other people and new friendships. in the end you will also see who your true friends are. Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, first of all, be sober when you do it, so you don't have any regrets. If your family and highschool friends know, and don't care, and you're comfortable with the way things are going, I don't really see any point in coming out.

But if you feel the need to get it off your chest, go ahead. Just look them in the eye and say "I'm gay".

You should be ready for the worst. Not that the worst will happen, but when it doesn't you'll be delightfuly surprised. So, you should put up your walls, and act as distant as possible, until you know that they're okay with it.

Your friends aren't your friends if they can't accept you no matter what.

Answer 5

this is my advice to you. i am not gay but have been on the receiving end of waiting/hoping for gay friends to come out to me in their own time even though i already knew it anyway. only do it to your true closest friends. those who will stand by you no matter what. your dorm buddies may just make your life hell for the next few months or years and since they are intolerant anyway it's just not worth it.

but, it sure would be a good way to find out who your true friends are if you do use tomorrow as the opportunity to get it over with and tell everyone. use your best judgement on your friends and decide that way.

good luck.

Answer 6

I don't have any specific advice, but I wanted to say good luck and I think it's great that you are coming out to the dorm friends. You should be very proud of yourself. I can't believe that in this day in age ppl are still not comfortable with all sexual orientations.

All the best!

Answer 7

Just come out as the opportunities come about. Sometimes there's just a perfect time when the conversation just happens to go that way... just work it into the conversation!

It's always awkward! And it's an on going process.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Many people will say "come out" Its certainally your choice if you want to do that or stay more reserved.

Don't let anyone persuade you in doing so. Its fine if you want to , and its fine if you don't.

Its fine to show support in other ways that has nothing to do with drinking and having a party.

There is no problem in any choice.

Its just your matter of preference in choosing to do so...

Answer 9

hey, i have a friend that came out to me about a year ago and we are still the best of friends. You should tell them that u r gay. You are you and shouldnt be ashamed of it. If they are your "true" friends then they will be with you through thick and thin. Be yourself dont change who you really are. lot of luck

Answer 10

I don't understand why people always expect gay to "come out", and never expect straight to "come out", maybe one of these day we need to set a rule to all people,they need to "come out" no matter they are straight or not,or transgender, just to be fair.
To answer your question, I don't think you need to come out so dramatically, but if your friend want to hook you up with Britney, just tell them you prefer Brian.