I don't know what to do about my husband?? Please help....?

Question

First off, i just found out that i am pregnant, i am about 5 weeks now. to make a long story short my husband is in the military and about to deploy in march. Now saturday, he just up andleft, we weren't even fighting. so i drove 2 hrs and got ahotel and the closet airport. and an hour before my flight he called begging me not to leave so i didn't. I gave him a drug test and he showed positive for extasty...and weed..and he was so apologetic and i forgave him. Now it is only tuesday and he is treating me like crap, he calls me retarded stupid and shut the f**k up! also he got into trouble a while ago and got a field grade article 15 so he had 42 days of extra duty and he is about half way threw now, but he wasn't approved for leave and he wants to go awall and if he does they will put him in the barracks...please someone give me advice on what i should do...i am so scared about having a child with him like this...thanks

Answer 1

As a retired military and once in charge of 125 men I
have seen many cases similiar to yours. What you need
to do first is have a serious talk with him about what he
is doing and how it will effect you and the child coming
into this world: You forgave him once but you can't forgive
him forever: It sounds like he has a serious problem with
drugs even if he only used it once: If you get no re.action
from him then you can talk to a chaplin on base and get
his advise. You also need to think what you will do if he
keeps on the way he is as if you bring the child into this
world then you do not need any problems like you are
having now., so make prior arrangements so that if you
do have the child that he will support it monetarily and you
can get that done thru JAG. The best action to take now
is talk to him and and if he admits he needs help then go
with him to the chaplin and he can start getting help from
that way, if not then you need to think what is best for you
and the child if you decide to have it. Use JAG, FAMILY
ASSISTANCE, AND THE CHAPLAIN to help you out as
these are the people that can get something done and
remember all your counseling is free so use your military
resources, good luck.

Answer 2

Going by what I read in your previous questions.
There seams to be a lot of insecurity and distrust in your relationship. First of all was it him that wanted you to get pregnant
before he shipped out because if it was then I would say the reason for him wanting that was because he thought you would remain faithful to him if you were pregnant with his child. Because knowing that he was going in march with the possibility of not coming back and at the same time you being pregnant while he was gone would just be one more thing for him to worry about on top of roadside bombs and insurgants. Are the two of you living on base together? Also after he begged you not to leave him by you giving him a drug test does not show any kind of trust coming from your side either. So my advice would be for the two of you to discuss why he is being so mean to you and also what the two of you can do for each other to regain and put the trust back into your relationship.
It sounds like alot of agression is coming from the fact that he knows that when he gets deployed he might not make it back and what you need to do is give him your reassurance that you know he'll be ok and that you'll be waiting right there for him when he does come home and by you doing that he will feel more confident and secure about himself. If you can do that then the drug thing will pass because the insecurity and feelings of depression are probably whats makeing him want to get high and change his atmosphere. Also the next time he just up and leaves just let him but instead of packing it up right away stick it out and he'll be back he probably just needs time to think about all the things going on in his life but by you leaving to in a way shows that you don't care and that your just waiting for a reason to run off. But the biggest thing the two of you need to work on right now is TRUST without that you have no foundation for a healthy relationship.
Good Luck And God Speed!!

Answer 3

I'm a nurse and Sunday school teacher. Try to be strong during this time, I know it's hard but try. I would give him space until he comes to his senses. Write down your feelings, start a journal. I would talk to someone you can trust for some extra support, you need this now. I will pray for you and I hope things get better for you. I think he is under a lot of stress and is taking out on you because you are simply the closest to him. He will tell you eventually when he is about to break. You need to remain calm and let him see just how foolish he's acting. I would remind him that you are on his side. You shouldn't be treated like that, don't get me wrong. Watch this and know you are loved by God and those around you, even him. www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com

Answer 4

All the answers are good - I'd just like to say this - I don't know how he was before you two married - But be sure of this - He has to want to get help - Next - if he continues - he could and more than likely get physical the emotional abuse is bad enough - you don't want to stress and take a chance of miscarrying your baby.

You know his personalty better than anyone - If necessary - Please have someone around when you talk with him - If you feel it would be better to talk with him alone - give him an ultimatum - And be as firm as you possibly can - because you are carrying his child and his behavior is not acceptable - I too will pray for you - If you like read Psalms 91.

I can't fathom what you're going through - but there is help

Be Well Dear My Prayers are With You

Answer 5

You have to understand where he is coming from. I'm in no way saying what he is doing is right, but he just found out he is having a baby, he is getting deployed to Iraq, and he is f..ing up in the Army. That's a lot of stress for anyone. The fights are going to happen. When I got deployed, the whole month before me and my wife fought like crazy. That's enough stress on itself.
Iraq isn't his biggest problem, hes using drugs, that's not good for any relationship.
If you love him and want it to work out you need to talk to him and be his voice of reason. Let him know you will be there for him and try to understand his side, don't give in to him and let him run all over you but be there. It may help, if not and all he wants to do is run away, leave and do it on your own!

Answer 6

Has he always been behaving like this towards you? If so, then I recommend you go AWOL on him. If it has only just been these recent months, it could probably due to the fact that he is depressed and upset about being deployed. He should seek help otherwise things will definitely get worse for you.

In any case, you know him best and so you should find the root of the problem. If he is the source of your unhappiness, then what are you waiting for?! Walk away and find a better life for you and your baby.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I really feel for you... ya know when someone is using drugs, no matter what kind they are not the same, there whole atitude changes .. they ar elike Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, ya know I'm going through the same thing.. but I don't know for a fact if my husband is usung, but i do suspect it cause of how he has been acting towards me and our kids, I hate to say, but it will get worse, I'm sure you know how that X makes people act and what they do on it... My advice is to leave him and give him an ultimatum.. tell himn the only way you will take him back is if he cleans his act up.. show him you mean buissness or else he will never change.. good luck, and best wishes

Answer 8

Contact your family advocacy center. OR contact a similar program with no paper trail. You can get all the help and support you need. Have you told him about the baby yet? He needs help. You're going to have to step up to the plate and do what you need to do for your child. A few things I'd also like to add is that if he was using while you were conceiving you're baby can come out with defects just as bad as if you were using. A person who is addicited to drugs and alcohol isn't a trusting person. Think about it. Just make sure that no matter what, you're child comes first. Your child comes before him, and your child comes before you. Put you kid up on a pedestal and base your decisions like that child is royalty. If you believe in God, pray on it. Seek out your unit chaplin.

Answer 9

I am so sorry, it is obvious that he is on drugs, so you are looking at an addiction as well as personality changes! I would leave him which I believe will force him into a decision in regards to him addiction, you, the baby or his drugs. Being pregnant is life altering for not only both of you, but yr child...tough measures take tough actions...good luck, and remember that you are now thinking for 2!

Answer 10

doesnt sound like a healthy environment to bring a child into..what if he's alone with the baby all hyped up on X and whatever else...these are things you need to think about..if he's leaving in a month..you should seriously consider talkin to him about counseling for the drugs when he comes home or tell him you will be moving out...you can talk to a lawyer about him being around the baby and you and get restrictions because of his drug use...also sounds like you both have alot of issues to work out..but just think of the baby and what kind of life you are going to raise him/her in..