I am in a bad marriage. We are on the verdge of divorce. Just can't make it official. There is this guy at work who is so sweet to me, always complimenting. Knows my situation. HOT!!!! He always asks me to go out for a drink, or dinner, and I always come up with an excuse. I have avoided all male attention for so long because of my jealous husband, that I do not know how to handle this. Im so flattered but I feel like a 15 year old. So scared of not being with my husband because i am in my comfort zone. Am I just craving this person from work because I am so starved at home, or could this be the real deal?
2007-02-06 14:07:11 · 18 answers · asked by Candie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hello!if your with a jealous husband and don't get no attention at home.i think your definitely craving attention also since he's so jealous you feel free of the chains at work!i just want to tell you before you start another relationship you need to get out of your current,because for one your married,i assume you two still live together.two you have a jealous husband that can cause fire honey!also if this is the right guy for you,then you don't want him drug through all the nasty things that go on in a divorce.most divorces ain't pleasant!get rid of your old baggage before you start a new relationship so you don't carry it into your new one!make a fresh start.remain friends with this guy and when its all done and he's still there waiting for you,then he just might be Mr.right!good luck
2007-02-06 14:29:05 · answer #1 · answered by abshp74 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Confused,
This situation is NOT the real deal, I hate to break it to you! You are in a "rebound" matter here!
I went through the similar issue as you are in now.
See, when you're unhappy, it is refreshing in a way when another man can help you feel "uplifted" when your sad and the attention you get from the guy can surely sweep you away. Don't let it. It is only clouding your judgement.
Yes, you're flattered and at this time the attention serves as a "bandaid" in a way, so you CRAVE the attention and helps keep your mind off of the bad things you feel.
Try not to let it influence you! It isn't good to involve others when you are on the verge of a Divorce, because a jealous Husband, and another guy "in the picture" is a bad mix!
I know because my Ex is the jealous type and gets very defensive when put on the offensive!!!!!!
Yes, I know about the "Comfort Zone" area and I'm there too! It feels more safe NOT to "rock the boat", right?
yeh, it's cuz we're feeling vulnerable and a little weak about what to do and tend to "stick-it-out!"
What I'd like to suggest is, keep the "New Guy" at "arm's length" and tell him you're going through alot of stress now and you don't want to be distracted, and that you need time to sort out which way things are going in your marriage first! Let "new guy" know that you can't get involved right now.
I'd just say that you are craving the "attention" while you are going through hard times, is all and it's easy to get your emotions mixed up during all of this! Keep your head straight and keep resisting the new guy until you figure yoiur life out. If he cares, he'll wait!
2007-02-06 23:01:10 · answer #2 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue avoiding male attention until you are officially through with your husband. It is only natural to feel happy, excited and flattered when a man pays attention to you if you are starved for affection at home. But keep in mind what kind of man is giving you the attention: he doesn't seem to be concerned that you are not REALLY available for a relationship, just for a little something on the sly. Not an honorable type for "the real deal". Either work things out with your husband or get beyond the verge of divorce (ie finish your divorce) before taking the next step. It's the best way to find a new man worth keeping.
2007-02-06 22:26:28 · answer #3 · answered by Abigail 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you're in a bad relationship you are starved for attention and you're not thinking with a good head right now. You are very venerable and this guy may know it. If he does know it he's a scumbag and he's trying to take advantage of you. How could you ever trust a guy like this.
Although I don't think you'll heed my advice, I strongly urge you to end (officially) the relationship you are in before you go bed hopping. Giving in to your urges now can only make things more complicated and worse.
I don't think you'll listen, but I hope you do.
2007-02-06 22:30:01 · answer #4 · answered by txguy8800 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truth is you can not have both. You need to make a serious decision about your marriage. Either work to fix it or let your husband go. Sort out the relationship you are in before you drag some poor innocent guy into your mess.
Think about it - this guy at work has treated you well does he deserve to be second fiddle to your husband, or a pawn in your games?
2007-02-06 22:28:15 · answer #5 · answered by obenypopstar 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's the real deal. It just doesn't seem like a good guy would be pressuring a woman that is married(regardless of it being a good marriage or not) into going out for drinks or dinner.
2007-02-06 23:00:50 · answer #6 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been where you are.....a few years ago...
Do not do it....if you want out of the marriage and you are sure of it stay focused on this....
Otherwise not ony will you confuse yourself but you will give this control freak plenty of amunition to screw up your mind afterwards. He will throw it all back in your face then you will feel like the guilty one....
You need time alone after a divorce to put things in perspective and to become strong again...what he is doing to you has affected your self esteem, you need to reclaim it from within not from your environment.
Good luck!!!
PS start seeing a counsellor - for yourself it will help you
PSS I has someone like this hanging around when i was divoring he seemed supportive at the time - but he was just another control freak with his own agenda...once i was divorced believe me i couldn't bear to even look at him!!!!
2007-02-07 04:47:34 · answer #7 · answered by bumble bee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon I feel for ya...Im the one who wrote the judge me all you want you dont know the whole story. I say why be unhappy in a marriage for the rest of our lives because the curch tells us we HAVE to stay married forever or we go to hell. People marry for different reasons, too young, pregnancy, hype, family and friends pressure. Why. Be happy, dont look back on your life and regret or resent...nothing is guaranteed, not even this new guy but live life to the fullest adventures, ups, downs and all the in betweens, but go after the ups...the good memories made will never fade into bad memories....stick with the downs and and there are no good memories to be made.
2007-02-06 22:22:28 · answer #8 · answered by Kujo 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like it is time to walk out of your comfort zone and see how you can back it on your own. Then go for a relationship. This guy could be for real. he also knows your situation and could be using that to play the Knight in Shining armer to get you to want him by making you feel good.
2007-02-06 22:21:02 · answer #9 · answered by cheoli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all why can you not make this official? You need to be completely divorced before seeing another guy.File for divorce and get out and away from your husband. Once the divorce is final then you can go out with this new guy and move on with your life. Seems to me like you are playing 2 men here and this is not fair to either of them. You either need to work on your marriage with your husband and go to marriage counseling or you need to let the poor guy go. You need to make this choice soon.
2007-02-06 22:38:06 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋