If you have an abusive boyfriend, what do you do?

Question

I can't leave him. He will try to claim parental rights. If I fight him he and his family will lie and say I am not a good mom, when I'm the one who has to stay here and take care of them, omg he's home

OK I give thanx to you all who are trying to help. But I just can't up and leave. He works, I don't. I need an environmental change to leave him and to enter a place where there is some jobs for me to work.

I just want to disappear, he will never let me as he is part of the local P.D. so I guess there is not much advice you can give me, But as far as I am concerned you are all doing your best and I congradulate you. Thank you for your opinions.

Isnt there an underground safe house? Or am I just reading the movies the wrong way?

Somebody...Please help!

I am about to walk out this door with two kids and nowhere to go.

Answer 1

He is mesing with your head. He can't take your kid away from you. Do you know any of the facts about domestic abuse? They mess with your head big time and make you feel helpless. There are domestic violence hot lines, there are shelters, get some advice from a professional who deals with this everyday. You are not the only woman who has been with an abuser who has connections and political power. This is the address of the National domestic violence hotline website

http://www.ndvh.org/

And here is the national domestic violence hotline phone number

1-800-799-7233

Get some REAL advice from professionals and experienced people. Everyone here is giving good advice from their own experiences, but every situation is different.

Also there are places called transitional housing, you have to look around to find the programs. Usually if you go to the United way website and find your local United Way website, you will find a list of charities that United Way supports in your area and there is almost always a transitional housing type program in the list along with other programs like domestic violence abuse counseling and support for women, plus emergency shelters too.

This is the site for United Way where you can find your local United Way website. Just enter your zip code

http://national.unitedway.org/myuw/index.cfm

If it doesn't work just go to

http://national.unitedway.org/

and at the very top is a link to the page I gave above.

Traditional housing is where they provide shelter for you while you look for a job, you don't pay any rent until you get one, plus they help you with learning to manage your money and with getting counseling and things like that. It's very cool.

Answer 2

You get out. Plain and simple. Leave!!!!!
You dont stand and allow a man to abuse you and especially let your child see it.
You are not doing what is best for the child if you stay.
He has to prove you unfit as a mother before he can take your child away from you. I doubt very seriously, unless you are an addict or have a history of child abuse that this will happen. Even if you are an addict, they will give you help and parenting classes, and then you will get your child back.
I would document all occurrences. Find witnesses willing to testify and have a medical history of bruises. etc.
Your best defense if you plan to leave is to have a plan. Dont do it on a whim. Get your ducks in a row and make sure you have a safe harbor to go to. Money in your pockets and a sufficient place for your child (ren).
Call the law the next time he lays a finger on you. Have police reports and medical history of abuse, he will never get the kids.
Dont say you cant leave because you can if you want and will if its that bad.
GOod luck

Answer 3

Wow.You CAN leave him & do it without him knowing.He would have to prove you a bad mom.You & your child can go to a temperary shelter (saying that he is abusive) That will atomaticly make him look bad if he takes it to the courts for custody.Once you leave & are in the temp shelter,,Social Services can help you with housing & everything else that you & your child will need.They will also place you in the temp shelter until they set you up in your own place.Or stay with friends or family if you could until they set you up.DO NOT leave without your child or he can say that you abandoned the child & can get custody.Even if you leave to go anywhere,,take the child.Do not let them know what you are up to,,be sneaky.This is what you must do for you & your child.DO NOT think twice.DO IT. Dont let them scare or intimidate you.Dont let him play the pity card.After you get set up,,they will go after him for child support that he should pay & you will hold all the cards.How dare he treat you this way & his family.Be smart.Have no mercy as clearly,,they do not.Now,,get a backbone for you & your child to have a nice future.Think of that & nothing else.Stay focused.If you do this,,your future looks quite bright to me.After you leave ,,do not let him see the child until its worked out in the courts for child support.Once you make that call for help,,they will help you all the way through this.You can also get a restraining order to keep him away from you.YOU control your life & the life of your baby.If you need a friend thru this,,I am here & I care.e-mail me.You should not have to live in fear!!!Now be quiet & make that call tomarrow to Social Services & tell them that you need immediate help.Do what they say & everything will be ok,,promise.

Answer 4

you leave him and don't come back to him, put a restraining order on him. most likely the courts will give the children to the mom, unless if the courts have proof that your an unfit mother to your kids, don't worry all things will go fine.so when he kicks your bottom, make sure you call 911 so he can be arrested and you can file a report, than when it comes the day that you need to go to the courts, there will a report/case open, than the judge will say and understand he was very abusive towards you and even with the kids. no judge can take your kids alway unless your abusive and there is proof, like brusies on the kids, or your on drugs and can not manage the kids.

Answer 5

Contact the social agency before you do anything, let them know of your situation, so when you leave and he tries to claim parental rights, they agency will already know what has gone on.

If they know now, they can help you leave and find you a safe place to go, and they can help you fight against him.

You have to leave ASAP, you dont deserve to be abused, no one does, report his abuse.
Your kids would rather be from a broken home then live in one, aften kids that are from abusive home grow up to be abusive themselves.

Please find the strength to leave, hide, change your name if you have to but get as far away from his as possible.

Answer 6

Oh,yes you can leave him.All those times he beated on you ,use that against him.Take pictures, report it to the police,he can go to jail for that you know. The judge will not give a child to someone who is abusive.Also getting a job in the meantime will put credits on your part.Don't let him take over you & your childs life.Also it would help if you went & talked to some lawyers.

Answer 7

The only thing you possibly can do is to report it..when hes hit go to the police and have them take pictures and all tell them what you just told here..if he hits you NOW think of what he may do to his children are you going to stay and allow that to happen too? Get out of that house while you still can.

Answer 8

For one thing, get trauma counseling. He has messed with your head, making you think that you are trapped. In fact you hold all the cards, legally speaking, if you're the mother.

If he's violent then the first thing you have to do is get yourself and children to a physically safe location, before he murders or disables somebody. This won't get better on its own, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional abuse. If he won't get treatment, then you have to run for your lives.

Answer 9

I was in an abusive realtionship and was afraid he would take my kids from me too, but i realized me being unhappy were making my kids unhappy also. So i took a chance and left him. All those threats he claimed he would do, were all a bunch of bull. If he calls you with threats record them and take them to court. Once the judge hears them he will know how abusive he is and will never allow your kids to go with him.

Answer 10

Take your child and leave and go to a secure shelter that will protect you. Do some research on what is available in your area and make arrangements in advance before you leave.
GOOD LUCK!