I am tired of being there for him when he keeps messing up. He owes me so much money. He has 2 children he doesn't take care of. How do I "cut the cord" and have a life free from all the guilt I feel. I know I raised him better. He uses me all the time and I am tired of it.
2007-02-06 12:59:49 · 22 answers · asked by van 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's called co-dependency. You have to realize that when you are "always" there bailing him out, you are actually enabling him to continue being irresponsible. He is 22years old and is fully aware that he is taking advantage of you, however he will never admit to it and will probably come up with a million excuses to try to justify his behavior. The fact of the matter is that he hasn't grown up, because he hasn't been forced to.
If you love him and want the best for him, then understand by NOT taking care of him is the most loving thing you can do for him. Understand that when you finally do cut the cord he will undoubtedly find himself in trouble and struggling time and time again, but at some point he is going to start solving his own problems and will find a new sense of power and Independence and learn that it feels much better to be a "man" versus a child.
2007-02-06 18:52:59 · answer #1 · answered by gg55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We can look back and say "what if" but it won't change things. We can anticipate what our life will be when making these decisions but can never count on getting everything we want. I too divorced a man because I simply didn't love him. I just assumed I would meet someone eventually and have a happy life. He remarried, did well financially, and seems very happy all these years. I fell in love, but it didn't work for him, and I never found another good relationship. My life has not been what I predicted, or what I wanted. But I would not go back and stay with the marriage even if I had the chance. I had to take a risk. You still have plenty of time to find the life you want so I think you should keep trying. I am much older than you but still have a flicker of hope.
2016-05-24 01:27:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's so sad to see parents giving up on their own kids because they are "tired". You have the right to feel that way. He's 22 years old & should be INDEPENDENT by now. There's nothing worse then seeing your own kid be a LOSER. If you know that you have helped him enough to the point where your feeling "enough is enough", then the best thing you can do is NOT HELP HIM ANYMORE. Also, he's your son, try not to make money such a big issue, don't say "He owes me so much money", remember that is your kid, he's not a stranger, he's just making bad mistakes, but for you to give him debt is not a good start, especially that your his MOM. you should just tell him that you helped him enough & that you can't give him money anymore, tell him it's time he gets his life together by not relying on you anymore. When parents kick their kids out to become independent, it's the best thing that can kick them in the butt, because they start learning how to be strong & make a living on their own. If you want to see him succeed, then you have to start putting your foot down to him. SAY NO.
2007-02-06 13:14:14 · answer #3 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm 22 myself and I love my parents (don't usually get along with them though) and even if they don't believe it, I do appreciate all they have done. My advice to you from a 22 year-old perspective is that it's totally understandable to "cut the cord". If you want to be treated like an adult and make adult decisions with your life then you need to act like an adult. Your son will be forced to grow up, but right now you are enabling him. It's not your responsibility to baby him his whole life. Let him know you love him, but it's time to grow up. He may not take it well at first, but once he does grow up he'll come around.
2007-02-06 13:31:31 · answer #4 · answered by melissamarie728 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did your job, he is 22 years old. It is now time to let him open his wings and sore on his own, otherwise, he will never learn to stand on his own two feet. The hardest thing to do is cut those cords but you will be helping him in the long run. Let him know there is no more money and he has to take responsibility for himself and it is time for him to be the parent. The best thing my father told me was go out and make a name for yourself. If I got into finacial trouble he was there to help as long as he was seeing I was taking on my responsibilities and trying my best. Best lesson he ever taught me. we have a better relationship now then we ever would have.
2007-02-06 13:25:13 · answer #5 · answered by cheoli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You make a complete commitment that you will treat him as a full grown adult immediately. You don't ask if he is okay, or if he needs money, you don't comment on his choices. You talk to him as if he is a man in charge of his life. You cut the cord by telling him that you understand he is an adult and in charge of his life and you let go. You don't help him when he comes to you, and you express confidence that he is and will continue to make good choices for himself. Then, the hard part, you go on with your own life and interests and let the chips fall where they may. Good luck.
2007-02-06 13:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by Paul 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mom, ....he won't stop messing up as long as someone is there reminding him he is messing up and wiping up all the messes.
Just say "no" now, like you should of when he was growing up, and SHOW him how to be self sufficient NOW. Being a parent doesn't stop; being a martyr has to.
I parent 7 yr old twins by myself and they know what it means to earn something; more importantly, they know the good feeling that comes when you do and they respect the parent more that champions them to finish the line.
Peace to you both.
2007-02-06 13:34:03 · answer #7 · answered by The French Connection 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just cut the d@mn cord, and put him out on the streets. He will not change until he is forced to. That is just the reality. Then, have nothing to do with him anymore. No calls, no visits to the home, nothing.
It would be tough to do, but you have to remember, tough love is still love.
2007-02-06 13:19:29 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do just what you said. Cut the cord. Let him learn from his mistakes. If you continue to cover/bail him out of trouble understand that you are crippling him. Stand back and let him make his decisions and soon he will learn that there are neg/pos consequences for every decision he makes.
2007-02-06 13:18:44 · answer #9 · answered by Grown Lady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you didn't raise him better or he wouldn't be acting like this. If you want the best for him (really) then cut the guilt trip and cut the money. Give your time and energy to the two children he neglects.
Stop and realize that actually you like being "used" by him. It makes you feel important and "oh see how I can bail you out, now you owe me". Forget ever seeing of the money you gave him.
Cut him from your life and don't look back.
2007-02-06 13:07:46 · answer #10 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 4⤋