Hello. I am in 7th grade and needed help with a found poem that is about basketball. Can anyone help me by telling me how to improve it? Or if it's good or not, maybe a scale of 1-10. Please let me know if there is some words that should be replaced. This is the poem,
"This is my game.
I can cry after a loss
or win like a champ
It depends on the hustle
and how big my heart is.
This is my game.
I can go out to the blacktop courts
and shoot some hoops
just waiting till I hear that swish.
Or just dribble
till I hear the ball bouncing
as fast as a jackhammer.
Always trying to get ready
for my game
to show my MVP quality.
You can hate it or love it
but this is my game that I love
and will love till I die.
2007-02-06 12:43:17 · 10 answers · asked by Mistah Mistah 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Found poem, huh? You should have left it where you found it. My advice is print it out, delete it, then set the printed copy on fire, then flush the ashes down the toilet. Then get started making your own poem.
2007-02-06 12:49:11 · answer #1 · answered by Jack S 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I rewrote it a little different you can pick and choose if you like it or not You may not think it is better others can vote Hope it helps
This is my game
Basketball..thrilled by the name
I can cry when I lose
shout as champion....I choose
It depends on the hustle
how I handle a tussle
This is my favorite game
I play..win..lose without shame
going to a blacktop court
shooting hoops wearing team shorts
hearing the swish of the ball
dribbling. bouncing enjoying it all
shooting...scoreing....yards away
improving my skills everyday
getting ready for the big game
Imagine MVP next to my name
Others hate it..love it..I do not care
I'll play all my life.. talents to share
playing, loving it..until I die
I enjoy my life....Basketballs why!
2007-02-06 21:16:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give it a 7 because I really like the repitition and it has a nice, different rythym. One thing you could work on (or you could just leave it the way it is-It's not anyting major) is the amount of syllables in each line. Try to get a steady pattern.
-I also like the reference to a jackhammer â¥
Just so you know I am being honest- I really enjoy poetry and i do like this poem. There are a few minor things you can do to improve it, but I like what you've got here so far. It is especially good for a 7th grader.
2007-02-06 20:48:31 · answer #3 · answered by Raven A 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a teacher, but I like it. It has some great visuals and flows nicely. I would change the hate it or love it to love it or leave it, but that's just my personal opinion. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it an 8. Good luck!
2007-02-06 20:49:03 · answer #4 · answered by cytogirl1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a sevey its pretty cool, especialy for a boy, your teacher will love the truthfullness and that you used good diction and similes and that stuff. Yet you repeated "this is my game" in the beginning you need to have it another time in the middle, so if you could possible do that your cool, but if you can't figure out how to change it just leave it you did great!
2007-02-06 21:04:52 · answer #5 · answered by Gabby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you hit it out of the ball park. I totally agree with your text and rhythm. I hope you keep going. You definitely have talent and that was a 9 on that scale.
2007-02-06 20:48:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it certainly sounds like a 7th grader wrote this
jk
it is fine
2007-02-06 20:46:04 · answer #7 · answered by VdogNcrck 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
niiiiceee
wow u're a good at writing poem haaa...
for me it's 100percenttttt!!
2007-02-06 20:48:11 · answer #8 · answered by bagong bayani raw 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good, keep doing what you do.
2007-02-06 20:53:35 · answer #9 · answered by Nattiedred 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT's stupid you should play base ball instead
2007-02-06 20:46:14 · answer #10 · answered by Candace 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋