Pictures that I have found?

Question

Ok, I was cleaning out my closet which I share with my husband of 6 years. I came across an old shoe box. As I was about to throw it away, I opened it to see if shoes were in there that he never wore. Instead I found him in sexual positions with a blond girl. My husband is currently fighting in Iraq... I trust my husband but I don't know what to do. He's the father of my 4 children and I love him. I dont' know what to do. Help!

All it says on the back is: MAY

I'm a part time pre-school Kindergarten teacher. Our combined salaries I say we could be able to afford a divorce but I don't want one. I would like to think it's from the past but I've known my husband since I was 21 and he looks the same in the photos. I'm worried that my kids will find them

Answer 1

Well first, I would wait for him to return home from fighting. Being over in Iraq is stressful enough without the thought of being in trouble when he gets home. I would honestly ask him about the picture's. Ask him when they were taken. If it was before you married, then that was his past. Explain to him that you want him to get rid of the pictures, If it was after you were married, then you really need to either. Seek help from an outside source. Or, possibly discuss a seperation, until you figure out what you wanna do. You have every right to ask about the pictures. They are in your home as well. Also, if this is his first deployment, dont expect him to return home the same. What he is seeing over there will change him. My husband was in the Air Force and my oldest brother is currently in the Navy. I also, have a brother in-law, who is Army. Sometimes, fighting causes you do to do strange things. Good luck and God Bless you.

Answer 2

Don't say anything, let him bring it up. Just leave a few on top of the box, and put it where he can see it on the closet floor. If he says nothing after a few days of his return home, have a t-shirt made with one of the pictures covering the front of it. Wear it around him. If he says nothing he is guilty. Trust me, this is a solid method.....


I feel bad messing with you. Seriously, you have 4 kids, and probably can't afford a divorce. Bringing it up may cause one. If you don't bring it up, it may create a gap between you 2, and it may have been a girl from years ago. I am not you, so I will not say 100% what to do. If you can handle it confront his in a non-accusing manner. If not, then maybe leave the pics out in the closet like I said. Make it look like the box just "tipped over". If he hides them, he may be guilty, or just sparing you the details of a past relationship. Maybe show him them some night and before he says anything say "I found these pictures of you and an old girlfriend, (then jokingly) maybe we should try this pose". Then look at his reaction. Like I said, I am not you, so only you can decide. You know him, and you know your position. Keep the big picture in mind. Just remember he may be innocent.

Maybe have a friend (female), go up to him and say "I found these pictures while I was at your house, and I don't plan on telling you wife, but you may want to. Would you care to explain". Have her tell you his reaction, and see what he says.

Answer 3

Tuck it away physically and in your mind. When he's safely home for a while and things are back to normal as they can be, you might bring the subject up.

If you don't trust yourself, (and to keep the kids from finding it) get a safe deposit box, put it there and keep the key. The records will show you never went back to it. When the time is right let him know. If he misses it and asks, tell him you put them in a safe place and give him the key. It will be important that you didn't make a fuss.

It takes a special courage to be the wife of a soldier in the line of fire (or sailor, marine, or airman). This is minor. I'm sure he'll be impressed that you discretely handled it and waited for a calmer time.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

The first thing I'd do is make copies of them, just in case you need them down the road. Then I'd look very carefully at them to see if you can determine when they were taken. Take a good look at your husband, his hair length & style, to see if you can figure out how old he was in them. Look at the background, are there any clues as to where or when they were taken.

Try to determine if the pictures were actually taken by your husband and/or this blonde woman. Or do they appear to have been taken by a third party. Are they photographs from a film camera, from a Polaroid camera, or have they been printed out from a digital camera. Look carefully for any tiny print on the edges.

If you feel that they were taken recently, maybe you could try to figure out who the woman is. Print out the pics, and cut out just her face/head. Then try to think if there's anyone you can show it to and ask if they know her.

If you feel they were taken before you were married, then take a deep breathe and try to not be too upset. Maybe he forgot they were there, maybe he meant to throw them out, maybe he just wanted them as a momento - you know how guys are when it comes to egos! {laughing}

You'll have to figure out whether or not to ask your husband about them while he's still away. You may want to wait until he returns and you can see his reaction. If you feel that you can't wait, that it will drive you crazy not knowing, then come up with a way to ask him over the phone, if possible. When you do, try to keep it light, maybe say in a joking tone of voice....hey, I was cleaning out the closet and came across some of your old momentos in a shoebox. Then see what his reaction is.

Hopefully they were taken long ago and you can accept it and go on. If not, then you'll have to decide what action you want to take.
Good Luck!

Answer 5

Yup, this is a toughie. I would just advise to please wait until he is home. The poor guy is in Iraq during wartime for goodness sakes -- let's give him a break and wait for this when he gets home. You will be a wonderful, wonderful wife for having such discrection. And lets remember that he is over there, missing YOU and your children and YOU are his sole inspiration to get back home (not the blonde chick in the photo!). It's not going to be easy keeping this under your hat, but you will do it because you love him (even though you may have to kick his @ss later!!).
More than likely the photo was kept as a trophy (let's remeber the male mentality!!) and other than that, it means nothing. He would probably not even notice that it was missing.
You will need to confront him about it for several reasons. 1st, for your own sanity -- I wouldn't expect that you would be able to just throw the photo out and never think of it again. 2nd, because you need to know when it happened, as this would potentially put a whole new set of issues to go along with the photo. And 3rd, regardles of anything he deserves a licking for having such garbage in your home!!! There will be no other way to work this out until it's confronted.
Until then, try to keep it in perspective. He loves you, you have his children. Every free moment, I can bet he is thinking of his family and waiting for the day that he can put his arms around you again. In this moment, you are his EVERYTHING, you are his world, you are everything that brings comfort to him and you provide his reason for his will to survive. Hopefully, understanding this will help you get through until you can finally have your questions answered.
Good luck and God bless!!

Answer 6

Menkeep things of their past, just as we keep things in our past. How old does he look in the photo? If he looks like he was younger than he was when you meet him, let it be. Put it back in the shoebox and let it be.

If you have any questions call him up and say, in a cute voice..

"*giggle* Whos that hot babe? I came accross a "memory box" of yours! You were a real stud back then eh? When you come home, lets make some picutres."

Chances are he will say thats an old girlfriend or wh*re. So no need to worry. Just be light and calm about it, and you will get the answer you seek..

Answer 7

If you want a marriage built on trust and truth - you must be truthful and discuss this with him. I'm assuming you dated a while before marriage - so even if they were taken just before marriage, can be hurtful for you!

Let him know how you feel and get the truth, first. You can only deal with truth.

If it was a long time ago, let him reassure you with his love and commitment.

I always say trust the ones closest to you while watching to see if their behaviors and actions match their words.

If you feel suspicion it's you not your problem alone. This is your marriage and so it's a problem for both of you to resolve. Every problem resolved makes your loving marriage even stronger!!

The outcome is a powerful lesson for your children -one way or another. Live in the truth and inspire your loving children to!

good luck

Answer 8

Maybe the pictures were of him and an old girlfriend he knew before you? If I were you I would ask him about it the next time you are in contact with him, is the woman an old girlfriend or a woman he has been seeing? Hopefully he will tell you the truth. If he has been cheating on you, I would take the children and leave him because once they start to cheat, they will do it again and again.....Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Probably a squeeze before you. With military pay and four kids he can't afford to be fooling around. You can throw some of them away and check for a reaction when he gets back. In the meanwhile don't become obsessed over it.

Answer 10

Yeah are the pictures before or after you were together/married? If it was before you were married - I'd be curious as to why he would still have the pictures but not too upset because it was before you were married. If it was during your marriage then that is something for you two to really talk about. I know being in Iraq can be very emotional or just a tough situation to be in- but it gives him no right to do such things because you are married. If you have trust in your relationship then it should be easy to talk to each other. Even get counselling.