I'm trying to be a good step mom to my new husbands 7yr old son but his ex wife hates this what am i to do

Question

tom deeply loves his only son and i really want to be part of his life too.the problem is toms exwife is very bitter,jealous of me as i have what she wants,tom.she controls/hangs on to tom the only way she can by using her son.she makes it very hard for me to be involved in her sons life.for example not allowed to be alone with him for any amount of time,can't have ANY contact with his school,dr's and the list goes on.this makes it very hard for me as we have him 50% of the time and tom has joint custody.tom has been divorced for over 5 yrs so the divorce is not "fresh" and i had nothing to do with it.the problem also is his ex "has him by the balls" so to say,he loves his son so much he will not stand up for me in fear it will hurt his son.what is the best way for ME to handle his exwife?

Answer 1

when i was 7 years old, my parents split, and me and my brother were left to deal with this:

my mom met a guy and to this day they are not married but have been living together since i was 9 years old. not too long after, my dad met and married my stepmom. (i am 22 now) all i can remember about growing up is all the misery these four people put me through. my mom let her boyfriend be incredibly mean and bossy to my brother and i, and she never stood up for us. she always put him first, no matter what. (these fears were confirmed when my mom told me that because i wasn't a 'good girl' she would always love me, but had stopped liking me. she told me that when i was 13 and those words still hurt me because the feelings are still the same) he would punish us for looking at him. he would make me and my brother stand in a corner like 3 year olds for 5 hours a day until i felt like i was going to pass out (if i moved to scratch my nose or anything he would make my mom spank me. and she had no problem doing so)

my dad's wife is an alcoholic and she would get drunk and come into my bedroom and remove the drawers from my dresser and throw their contents all over my room. my dad would stand by and watch, not saying a word to her. if i said anything 'disrespectful' my dad would yell at me and tell me to shut my mouth. this continued until i was 18 years old. i then joined the army just to get out of my dad's house. im 22 years old now, and i have been out of the state where i am from and unable to visit my other family because of the falling out with both my parents. i have a little girl and she will probably grow up not really knowing her grandparents very well. so i dont really have an answer to your question, but all i can say is that no matter what happens between you, you husband, his ex, and their son... please do your best to let this boy feel like he has someone on his side. and also, i know this one can be tough at times, but try not to argue with his mom or his dad in front of him. i know how it feels to grow up with a woman who 'had my dad by the bals' and it was never pretty. and while it was my step mom and not my mom who had conrtol over my dad this way, it still strongly affected how i view men. i am a girl, but this little boy needs a STRONG male role model, and if anyone has his daddy by the bals, it will affect his life, his self esteem and how he will be affected by future women in his life (girlfriends). he may end up married to a woman who walks all over him because he will think that is how men are supossed to be. as for handling the ex wife... not really sure what to say about that, but do know that i would have loved it if my mom and step mom could have at least been civil to eachother. there is nothing she can do to you, your husband or the little boy, so whatever threats she is making are probably illigit. since custody is 50/50 i assume there is no child support going on, and unless you and your hubby are druggies and/or beating the boy or abusing him in any way, there is nothing she can do to any of you. so i say you should let your hubby know this, and help him take his balls back from this woman (the most important thing... i know it will be tampting for YOU to pocket his balls, but let him hold onto them for a while, and in a few years you can take them from him :) j/k lol) but seriously. the most important thing is to make sure the boy has self esteem and for HIM TO KNOW there is someone on his side. i never felt that way and it has affected my life deeply. good luck and prepare yourself for a lot of uncomfortable momenst and a big battle for you husbands balls!! good luck and know you have a woman on you side! email me any time you wish to

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Your hubby's ex can't have him by the balls, because he has none.

There are two kinds of custody: Usually the courts grant joint legal custody, and grants sole physical custody to one parent or the other. Rarely, do the courts grant joint physical custody . . . but maybe that's your husband's case.

Regardless, when the child is visiting the non-custodial parent, there are usually no restrictions (unless it has been so ordered by the court) as to who or what the child does or is with. That decision is left to the parent with whom the child is visiting.

If there is nothing in your past that would cause the court or the ex to object to you spending time with the child while he is in your husband's care, then your ex has nothing to say about it.

Tell your "ball-less wonder" to get to an attorney, and get some advice. And don't let him BS you. If he doesn't and it causes problems in your relationship, DUMP HIM. This situation will only get worse.

Answer 4

If he has equal custody, he has the right to discern who can care for his child during the time that he has him. Legally, unless she actually has some sort of court order, there is nothing to stop you from having contact. And even then she would have to give a good reason and prove it.

Your best bet in directly dealing with her: Say to her, You know, I understand if you don't like me, but since your son spends x amount of time here, it's best for him if we get along, at least outwardly. It's so hard on a child when two adults in his life obviously dislike one another.

Hopefully she will understand that you are only acting in the best interest of her son and that she should do the same.

Answer 5

be his friend not his mother. he has a mother, have fun with him but know you place and your role, not trying to sound mean but his mother probably alreaady doesnt like you so dont add fuel to the flame. make her aware that you are not trying to take her place but yet and still you are not going anywhere anytime soon and that you are going to be in his life so she needs to get over it