What should I do? Im so confused/ lonely?

Question

I had two miscarriages a few months ago (the first was with twins, the second an only child), and prior to that had been in hospital and unable to walk for a month, and prior to that had been raped twice. Needless to say Im feeling highly depressed at the moment. My fiance meanwhile lost his job around the same time I had the second miscarriage. I know he's so stressed, and at the same time Im so lonely and depressed . . we talk about things often but I just sometimes break down and cry. He's been going out more recently with his friends because he didn't get the chance to see them for months while finances for us were low, but I still dont feel up to seeing people on a regular, partying night out. When he goes out I get so lonely . . am I being selfish for this, and am I trying to punish him for my inability to feel mentally able to go out when I ask him to stay in with me instead? Not much makes me happy anymore and I just wish he could be there for me when I feel so depressed.

Answer 1

i am sorry to hear and i am sure this all is very hard and also the reason why u feel like u do ... try to get some help and talk with someone ... i think it would be a good idea to take some time and make a trip , somewhere u can find urself , just changing places , having long walks , it will bring some peace into ur soul
it doesnt have to be something fancy or expensive

all the best for u

Answer 2

If you are under this much stress there is no wonder you were unable to sustain your pregnancies, and I am sorry for your loss.
I know this is a harsh question at a time like this but it needs to be asked, are you sure he is the one? I am all for allowing your partner his own space and time but you clearly need his support right now if he cannot offer you that then you need to be looking out for yourself!
Make a point of doing things that make you feel good, are you sporty or artistic for example. Set yourself small achievable targets to help rebuild self esteem and confidence, e.g today I will walk to the shop to buy milk alone, or I will go to lunch with my friend.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and ultimately will help to make you a stronger person. You will get though this, just believe in yourself!
All the best x

Answer 3

no you're not been selfish. its just becos u are feeling depressed that's why u want him with u. have u thought about going for some counselling? am sure that will help and maybe u can go for group therapy too. u've had a tough few years and i think u really need to sit down with a counsellor and talk things through so that u can get back to how things were before all this happened. all the best.

Answer 4

I'm really sorry to hear about your sadness.you need bereavement councelling.
It is only natural that you will feel very sad and depressed after what you have been through.
Your fiance is handling his grief in his own way,afterall they were his children too,and he is probably feeling just as awful as you.
He cannot help you because he needs help himself darling. Go and talk to your doctor,maybe get your mum or a good friend to go with you. You must grieve for your children,because you will not be able to move on in your life.
When you start to feel able to cope with this grief then you will cope with the other problems you have much easier.
I wish you well, god bless.

Answer 5

You need to go and see your doctor, tell him how you feel, being depressed for a long time, will be hard for you to sort out, maybe your GP might refer to you to a councerllor, it is nothing to be embarassed about, don't lock yourself up, i know you don't feel up to not going out, but try, just try to go out with your friends, or with your partner, it will make you feel better. Another thing you being depressed, you have to try and pick yourself up, cause no-one else can do it for you, your partner is going out because he doesn't want to be depressed and sometimes he probably feels he needs to get away. Men sometimes find other ways of dealing with their problems. I know how you are feeling, its like he is enjoying himself and you feel your life is at a stand still, only you can make that decision to stand. What you have been through is absolutely terrible, i cannot imagine what you are going through, but look at yourself in the mirror, you are strong, and you are still standing, this should make you stronger, don't give up on life, cause life hasn't given up on you. We women are very resiliant. You trying to have a child, try and put that away for a while, get yourself sorted mentally and physically. When you feel depressed go for a walk, phone a friend, try and talk to your partner, go for a meal, only you can make a difference. Good luck

Answer 6

God that's really sad,but you need to get to a doctor a.s.a.p. before your relationship hits rock bottom,he's going out to get over his pain and your hibernating,talk,talk,talk and some more before it's to late.
Men are emotional cripples they think everything is solved with a pint or 2 with their mate's,hold him still, and tell him how you feel and ask him the same questions,you may not hear what you want, but at least you will have clarification.
I wish you all the best and hope in the worldx

Answer 7

I am sorry it sounds absolutely awful. I think you may be depressed - and you can stop this becoming a long-term problem if you talk to someone who knows what to do. Start by going to see you r GP, he or she will know how to help and no -one will think you nuts or anything. There are people that can really make a difference if you give them a try

Answer 8

Hi...
You have more than one emotion that is involved in your life at present. For sure depression and stress can and is a reality. I would like to suggest something to you that is not a mere emotion. In times during a persons life when they have been going through the things you have, and I do mean going through (don't stop here) in this area of your life keep going. This to will pass, think on that. I would like to tell you that it is alright to have sorrow and grieve over the loss of your children, this is normal. so at this time if you really want to proceed out of the delusion of depression, in that case we must begin to monitor our thought life. While it is good and normal to sorrow over the loss of loved ones it is of no use to allow depression. Godly sorrow will only last awhile and than joy one morning will appear in your life. Not so with depression. Depression comes as a self allowed downer. And in most cases will always need an upper. Now let us get to some freedom. First ...if we continue to think on what we don't want in our lives, sadly that is what we get. It is called seed, time and harvest. For sure you have something very special going on in your life...I would like to mention a few. One, you have a love for your unborn children, so many today can't even feel the sorrow and grief that comes with being a parent. It is a gift of love, (the willingness to give expecting nothing in return. Love is always ready to give of it self until someone says enough. This love that you have is not an eros only which is physical, this love I am talking about is a gift from above. Also you are a survivor you would have to be in order for you to still be standing. This is also a gift. A quick note about gifts...they are not just for the beholder, they are for you to use for your self, for sure, but your gifts and I am sure you have many more, these gifts are for those to whom you are sent. Thats right you don't feel like you are sent to any one right now, but this can change with just a little action on your part. Your picture must change in order to get a different development. The more you look at what you don't want the more of the same thing you will get. when you learn to focus on what you really want than the picture will change and the end result will have been almost effortless. It's called rest. Yes action is involved, because you have to make choices. These choices are the key to your tomorrow. I see so many folks fighting agianst their own good, just being on automatic. We must monitor our thoughts and cast off those which we do not want to bring forth fruit. Thats the News, the good news is we reap what we sow. Sow goodness to and for your lie, choose life and goodness. write the vision, affirm it and cultivate. This will pass, allow it to pass. Thats The News and you are loved and prayed for now!!!
Daniel... Be free by your choice. You get to start all over.

Answer 9

men aren't very understanding when it comes to emotions of the heart.....he must be stressed too and that might be the reason he does go out, to seperate his mind from yours for awhile..
You need to go and see your Doctor and have him perscribe you something temporarily if you feel you can't cope...
Other than that, i'd first try and have someone else listen to how your feeling, a friend, your parents...Keep yourself busy, occupy your mind...Use Yahoo Answers...i can guarantee this alone will keep your mind distracted!
Hope you feel better soon....x

Answer 10

selfish bathtub.....yr hubby not you.............