Do your parents validate your feelings?

Question

My parents were never the type to do that and my father is mysified as to why he and I aren't close. They're also 73---born when FDR was in office. What is it with these people? No one wants to bond with anyone who doesn't accept them as a person. My father also put me down for innate disabilities. He also uses it as an excuse not to help me get a better career. I've had trouble getting training. It's not as if I haven't tried; I had, but he's usiing everyone fired due to disability as a way to leave me stuck at home. I want to be able to support myself and hope Walgreen Distribution helps next month. These people never accepted me due to disabilies. Why would I want to bond with such people? I don't care if they're blood. A bigot is a bigot.

Answer 1

Its odd that you mention the time era of your father and his generation. My father is no longer living but grew up in the same generation and he served in the military. I have developed a theory over the last year or so. I think there is something about your dad's generation of men who are emotionally disconnected, unaffectionite, critical, hateful, and bitter. Maybe your father wasn't like this but almost every woman I have talked to with fathers in that era, espeically if they were in teh military, have had similar experiences with their fathers. I don't think your disability was a problem ,even though he used it as an excuse. I was never affirmed for anything I did positive, but if I made a mistake watch out. He knew how to make me feel the size of a pea. I loved my father but hated it that he was like the way he was when I was younger. It took me years to develop any sort of self esteem and this didn't happen until I left home and lived on my own under my own terms. Living on your own can make you a better and stronger person, as long as you can afford it. Are there no social services agencies who can help out with independent living. IN my state of missouri there are counseling agencies with state and federal funds that help disabled adults find suitable apartments or housing, while paying a signficant part of the rent. Have you tried called the disability office or looked in the phone book for community agencies. Maybe you could search your state's website in terms of programs available specifically for disabled indiviudals. I wish you good luck in your endeavors. Don't give up and keep the faith.

Answer 2

My mom died 4 years ago, but my dad, who is 60, is the same way. He shoots down everything that I'm interested in in life. I'm on disability right now and am trying to get my life back together and I'm starting that by trying to do things to get out of the house and am starting that by going to church and volunteering. Well, everyone has been so encouraging with me EXCEPT him. He shot it all down when I told him about it. Nothing I do is ever good enough for him.

Answer 3

IMHO, Alot of times when my family rejects me because of my disabi8lities it's their only defense against the feeling of having done something wrong to cause or contribute to my challenges. People will go to great extremes to deflect guilt feelings, even blame the victim.My mother will never accept or validate me because of her own mental illness but my Dad and I spent many long hours getting to know and understand and accept each other before he died. Don't feel bad if your parents never really know you, parenting is a big, scary, job and very few people do it right.

Answer 4

Looks like it's up to you to surround yourself with friends who do validate you. I had the same kind of parents and it is tough. If you can, get your own place and stop feeling like a victim. Depending on your disability, there are agencies which will assist you. Look under State and Federal Government listings, beginning with Social Security.

Answer 5

As long as you are making an honest effort to get a job. They obviously don't think your best is good enough and that would be not accepting you, so screw them. Prove them wrong about what they might think of you, so that you win :). And no my parents don't validate my feelings, but I contiunue to be successful and I don't attribute their bad feelings about me to the things I achieved. So I can say, "my parents didn't raise me to be a success, because if they don't take responsibility for raising me to be "a bad kid," then they sure as hell don't deserve any credit of anything I might acheive." Peace, and KICK A.S.S!

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel.... To add to this, my dad is prejudice against some cultures. One more reason I have exchange students and love each one of them. I refuse to give to his ignorant thinking and will continue to learn about many different cultures from all over the world !

: ) Live your life happily and limit time spent with morons who try to bring you down ! The best revenge is SUCCESS !!

Answer 7

My real father was never around & my mom ignored the many signs that I gave her when I was being sexually abused by my stepfather.
But she is still my mothr & I love & respect her as such.
Parents aren't always perfect but they are always our parents.
Except for the stepdad I tried to kill & then he ran off never to come back HALLELUAH

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with "badmouthing" your parents; don't listen to that girl. If your parents, who are people, didn't treat you right, then they didn't treat you right. I hate it when religious people tell me that I should always respect my parents - oh, really? So if they beat and raped me, I should still respect them? Respect is supposed to be earned, period.

Answer 9

Yeah...
My dad thinks I'm useless because I can't cook and don't clean.
My mom thinks I'm strange because my opinions differ from hers and from society's.
They're both sexist, homophobic, and racist to practically every race.
So yeah, I'm not close to mine either.

Answer 10

u shouldnt badmouth ur parents ... its not good juju ...