Do you think everyone should have a partner all the time? Do you think I'm due?

Question

Many older people ask me why don't I have a g-friend and I don't know how to answer, so I start to think there must be something wrong with me. I remember when I was younger from my teens to my early 20s, I had girfriend, after girlfriend (never simultaniously) and never found myself alone. Then after my longest relationship, they all disappeared. I was never conceited about my looks, but it may have spoiled me a bit. When this started it hit my self esteem in a negative way. It made me introverted and self concious. I'm 33 now and I don't look anything as I did back then. I know there's more important things than looks. What I really mean to ask is... Do we get to be in as many relationships, all the time, never being alone, no matter how long the relationship OR are we destined to be with only one right person? If it's the first, then I've been missing out on a few g-friends and whatnot. But if it's the second then I hope to find someone soon before I grow another white hair.*YIKES!*

Answer 1

If the Right One came along then, you apparently wouldn't have known it and not knowing or appreciating it, by default, she would have not been the right one for you. What matters is where you are today. Your past experiences have a lot to teach you regarding what you are looking for in a relationship. So here you are today. 33 is young.

The best thing you can do is live your life each day doing the things you'd want to be doing with your girlfriend/partner/wife. The chances of you meeting someone while doing these activities are really great and the fact that you instantly have something in common is an excellent start.

Before I met someone 3.5 years ago (I was 28), I swore up and down that I'd never find the Right One. I maintained a solitary existence, never lived with anyone, never had what I would have called a serious relationship (never met someone I would marry). Then one day my friend and I decided to take our dads out to a hungarian concert at this restaurant where we were sure to be able to entertain our hungarian dads. That's where i met Him.

They say it just happens and you just know. I did not understand how that worked but that's how it happened to me. So now that it's happened to me, the question always remains, what do I do with it, how do I take care of it, how do we get better at building an awesomely mutually beneficially satisfyingly interesting life together. To sum it up, we both agree that we are better with one another than without one another. Take that measuring stick to get through the ups and downs. The other glue is the ability to work through conflict. That's another story in itself.

I hope this helps.

Answer 2

I'm 42, so I understand what you are saying. I am married and have been for 15 years, but let me tell ya that marriage is no picnic. I know you hear people say that but it true for many of us. If my husband were to die, God forbid, then I would not remarry because its extremely hard to make it work, especially when 2 people have their own baggage. I'm not sure if I believe there is a "right one" out there. I think some people get lucky and attract a good mate. I used to date all teh time when I was younger too, but as one grows older they get a better sense of what type of person they want or they at least know what they don't want. You become more selective as you get older, and I think it's harder for us older folks to meet new people, espeically if living in a small town. I sometimes joke to my friends that if you want to meet new people you can go to bars or church, either one is a bit too extreme for me. Companionship is an important part of life and many people feel miserable without others in their lives, but I know too many people who have married only to regret it later. They complain all the time about their spouse, as if they are inprisoned or something. The other difficult thing about dating in your 30's and older is the whole sexual disease thing. It's rampant and one must really protect themselves - I think this contributes to some people not working as hard to meet new people at times. It is going to be important for you to figure out if you really want a committed relationship and specifically think about what type of person you are looking for. And trust me, there is nothing wrong with you for not being married or involved in a long-term relationship for your age. Why would there be. I would be perfectly fine being without a partner, but not everyone feels that way. Some people need people in their lives more than others. Don't compare youself to who you were during the days you were a "chic-magnet." When you are young things are alot easier, I believe. Now things are not quite so easy but it may have nothign to do at all with looks or image. Good partners and healthy relationships often consist of two people being able to communicate with each other, with mutual love, trust, and respect for each other. The other thing I want to say is this; I would be more concerned about more mature adults dating all the time than those who date infrequently. Why? because those who date around all the time often have committement problems and/or they don't know what they want yet. Some just date for the sex, which is certainly not mature or mentally healthy. And finally, even if the worst happens and you end up being alone (and I doubt that you will) you can still live a happy and productive life. I know many happy elderly people who were never married or had children. They learned to how to fill their voids in other meaningful ways. I hope this helped a little bit.

Answer 3

I'm 41 and I'm told constantly that I look much younger and that my body and face are very attractive yet I also have major difficulty having a long term relationship. I also had relationships when I was younger and did have a 10 year one which was the love of my life. Not only do I think one gets more picky about things and sees what might not work out early on but also sex and/or money are the majority of what most people are looking for. Not only has our culture changed and de-sensitized but also looking for love for the sole sake of only love is a very rare thing. Also you have to ask yourself if you're being attracted to people that will correspond and be compatible to you. Good Luck!!!

Answer 4

It's great having someone to share things with but we don't have to be with a partner all the time. Sometimes it's kind of nice being alone . As individuals we choose what works best for us. Be with someone who accepts you for yourself and somone you feel comfortable growing old with. We all get white hair at some point.

Answer 5

I don't believe there is one Mrs or Mr Right.
I believe that there are a lot of Mrs or Mr "Close Enoughs".
Those are the people we date and fall in love with.
It is ok to be alone. I have never been alone until I hit 30 years old. It was scary but refreshing to be alone.
After I was ready for a relationship, one just fell in my lap when I wasn't looking. That is how it usually happens.
Being lonely sucks, but don't settle for Mrs "Mediochre".

Answer 6

Sounds like my same situlation yes things keep changing an I hope they've really have now I get two points answering with what I can and as you ended here YIKES IS RIGHT!!!!

Answer 7

You don't have to have one now. But I think all people are social creatures. And that eventually we all come to a time where instead of living for ourselves, we learn that we gain a better life by living for somebody else.

Answer 8

i believe there are many "right ones", just coming across one when you both believe that simultaneously is often best.
if your at all like me you may put a few off though... just as well, they never understand anyway