Ladies, would you stay? -continued-?

Question

Ok, for some reason I can't add or edit my question so I'll ask it again and provide the details.

Ladies if you knew you weren't getting your children, would have to pay child support, and would basically be one weekend a month/vacation parents would you leave an unhappy home.

Assumption is that there is no physical violence; just two people unhappy in their marriage. There is no abandonment or anything like that...simply divorce because of growing apart or even infidelity.

I ask this not because I'm a woman ready to leave, not because I'm even unhappy. In fact, I'm male and very happy in my marriage.

Again, this is not my life...just posing a question. Topic came up during a guys poker game and the consensus was that they would put up with a lot of crap simply because they wanted to be a part of their kids lives...and for men divorce means not seeing your kids every day. So it got me wondering...would women say the same thing if the roles were reversed?

Answer 1

So, I guess you mean ...be a martyr for your children. As long as there is no physical or mental abuse and I can live my life the way I want.....as he would...but still live in the same house ...sure!

Answer 2

I am quite amazed to see this query from a male. I would die before I missed a day with my son. I think, for certain things you would have to make sacrifices, or rather changes. I would think, if the marriage is just "unhappy" maybe counseling would be in order. That would be a hard thing to decide though, because if there are underlying issues, it could change for the worse later on. Such as emotional abuse, towards spouse, which can escalate into physical abuse or even any type of abuse for the children. You would have to take the circumstances into consideration. Would you prefer seeing your kids everyday over their happiness/stable home environment? That's one of those things that depends on the situation, and would take a lot of careful consideration.

Answer 3

I would put up with some crap so that I could be a real part of my kids' lives, but I don't know about infidelity...because I would see that as more of a serious betrayal and complete disregard for your partner rather than just "growing apart". While your children should be a priority in your life, you shouldn't throw away your own life and live a lie in order to keep their parents together. Anyway, kids can tell when their parents aren't getting along and it's a very uncomfortable situation.

Answer 4

ok. well i'm with my man 4 years and we have a one year old daughter. i found out recently that he had cheated on me. it was just a kis but it was him that took the lead and the other woman told him no. there were a lot of confusing sides to their stories, but i still love him. we broke up, but got back together after only a week apart. the fact that he adimited it to me seemed to mean something. i'm having a hard time trusting him, but for the sake of my child i think its worth having a go at fixing the problems, especially since i still love him. i dont know why i'm doing it, and if i was advising someone else o the same situation, i would tell them to stay away from a man like that. its just life, and if you could turn your heart off at the flip of a button, things would probably be easier....

Answer 5

if it were my life and i was not going to get custody of the children and would also be paying support, if i had no agenda for leaving, and all it was was unhappiness i would have to assume maybe it was me, and i would get some therapy and attempt to fix the marriage, as marriage isn't easy, it is sometimes full of problems, i would always choose to stay with my kids. if it were caused by the spouses infidelity i would not want to continue in the marriage.

Answer 6

Hard to say for me, I don't have kids and don't want them. So, not having the kids around all of the damn time in addition to getting out of an unhappy marriage hardly seems like a downside. But who knows how I would feel if I did have children.

Answer 7

Would depend on the agreement reached between parents. If they were the type to be willing to live in the same house but persue outside stuff if they wanted, then stay.

Otherwise, I'd rather see my kids on weekends then continually subject them to the unhappiness. Kids aren't stupid - they know when something is wrong and it certainly does affect them.

Answer 8

I am in a situation like that. But I have have 7 children, all young. And yes I am putting up with the crap to make my kids feel secure. We do not fight, we just...coexist. I too would go to the end of the world for my kids.

Answer 9

well- in my case- i'd put up with the crap so my kids could see the 2 of us as much as possible but it depends how old the kids are too. If the kids are about 15-16- i'd get divorced but any younger i would wait.

Answer 10

Some people (men and women) think it's easier to just live with it instead of taking the effort to leave and start new. I know several friends, both men and women, that have been doing it for years. So the answer is yes.