How much should people really care about their in- laws?

Question

I haven't had the best history with my mother in-law. I keep telling myself I shouldn't care so much. For years I've had a definite impression she truly doesn't like or care for me, but just just deals with me cause of her son and grandchildren. I've spent mad time trying to avoid her but I always end of talking and confiding in her like she's my mom. My own mother has always been very busy, and introverted. I hate to admitt I care cause no matter how I try to show I care, I feel she could careless. I hate to admitt I want her to care about me. Should I just be numb?

Answer 1

Two things come to mind. First, she might care for you just as much but is not one to show her feelings and may never be able to give you as much nurturing as you need. Second, she may be of the ignorant type who feels you're not really family unless you are blood related. My second mom-in-law was like that. She also felt women should wait on their husbands when they BOTH get home from work. My first mom-in-law was an angel. In 27yrs I never had an argument with her. I'm now old enough to realize she must have bitten her tongue many times. :-).
Have a talk with her and explain (with love and kindness) how you feel and then try to accept whatever this woman is capable of giving you. She may not have the capacity to offer more.

Answer 2

Good question!

I think you've got a couple of different things going on here:

1. Do you like her as a confidant or is it because you don't have anybody else convenient? It sounds like you don't like her much. In which case you need to join a group or take a class and make some NEW friends!!! :-)

2. Are you just kind of going with her out of a sense a duty? You do owe her some respect. Did she do a decent job raising your husband? :-) So yes some good respect is due unless she is an outright biotch.

3. Most of all, I find that sometimes I havemixed feelings about family because of what I would LIKE it to be.

That doesn't work.

Do yourself a favor. Be realistic, get some new friends, do not confide in her unless you REALLY like her!

Good luck!

Answer 3

If someone has good in laws they should be cherished! But it sounds like you are trying to find a mother figure and really want her approval. If you really care about her, why don't you talk to her. Tell her how much she means to you and that you are unsure of her love and acceptance for you. The worst that can happen is that she tells you she is only tolerating you. But maybe she does care about you and it could really improve your relationship with her. Either way, honesty is the best policy. If you find out that she is only tolerating you, you can look to someone else to confide in. Life is what you make it.

Answer 4

In-laws are family and should be cared about and treated like it.

Just continue to show your good self to your mother-in-law. Some day she'll see the light. Even if she doesn't, remember it's not your fault. It's hers.

Answer 5

if it bothers you that much then find someone else to confide in. or communicate to your mom via email. written communication is the best form of communcation in dealing with introverts. don't just accept that your mom is 'busy.' she could be using her 'busy-ness' to avoid a lot of verbal communcation with people which almost forces them to send email. which is a tactic that i use extremely well. if you need to talk to your mom...then you are going to have to talk to her on her terms...email. just because it's not verbal doesn't mean that she doesn't care for you or even wants to know that you are alright. or leave her (your mom) voice messasges if you have to verbally say something.

Answer 6

CS Lewis Said in Mere Christianity that to love others means to want the best for them. Let her know that you want the best and keep in mind that she is probably crazy.

Answer 7

If you don't care for her, then don't. There's no law which says you have to.