I love my fiance Mike more than I ever thought possible.I would say that our relationship is great except lately things have changed. I'm not sure what has happened and it makes me so sad and so afraid that maby we won't make it. I always felt like I could go to Mike with anything and he would understand and he could do the same. For the past few weeks I have felt like we aren't as close as we used to be and our communication has come to a halt. I wasn't sure what to do or say because I didn't even know what exactly was upsetting me. I didn't know what was happening. Finaly I told him how I was feeling and he told me that he has put up a wall and isn't being close with me because he fears losing me. I asked why he felt that way and he said because he has been hurt before. I asked why it just recently started happening and he doesn't know. I asked how we could fix it and he doesn't know. I can't stand the pain of him not being close with me. What can I do, What do I do?
2007-02-06 10:26:11 · 12 answers · asked by Lachelle 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's weird....give it time and hopefully things will get back to normal. DO NOT GET MARRIED UNTIL IT DOES! Try reminding him that you've been good to him all this time, you're still the same. He just sounds scared so give it some time sweetie.
2007-02-06 10:30:18 · answer #1 · answered by Luvly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs counseling for what he has been through in the past ... Do not marry him until he can heal and get past some of this pain. He needs to start tearing down the wall or it will become more thicker and much higher over time. You also may need couples counseling too. Try to work it out but if he cannot get past things and ever trust you and give you a chance to be close to him you will be better off without him down the road. I hope that things can get better for you and Mike soon so you can move forward in your relationship with him and be happy:)
2007-02-06 10:43:39 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront "Mike" about his inability to be close. He knew he'd been hurt in the past before he started a relationship with you. Tell him it is unfair and he needs to either pledge to seek counseling so your relationship may proceed as normally as possible or you will need to end it.
Personally, I'd run right around that wall he's built up and as far away as I possibly could. His behavior is just unjustifiably irrational. If you marry him, expect more of the same unless you are willing to post pone the wedding for the months or years of therapy he might need.
A final thought occurs: Is this his way of back peddling out of the engagement? I don't think he expects you to find this acceptable.
2007-02-06 10:38:06 · answer #3 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you started sleeping with other men? If he is being honest and he really does feel suddenly that he is losing you what has changed in your situation in the last few months?
You need to find out what is triggering this in him and work it out together or just let him and his self prophesying feelings break you up and move on. Do you really want such a whinny baby of a guy anyway. He cant define how he feels so he is basically giving you the cold shoulder or playing a different version of the silent treatment.
If he wont talk - WALK.
2007-02-06 10:33:27 · answer #4 · answered by mraandmisse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him time and space, Hon. The more you panic, the more he will recoil. Men have problems with intimacy, committment, and completely letting go anyways, much less one that's been burned a time or two. Just reassure him. Do little things for him to let him know that you love him. Leave him little notes on the counter before he leaves for work. Call when you know his cell will go to voicemail, and leave a message that you're thinking of him....let him know you're afraid of losing him too. But don't push. Let him come out on his own. Show your charming, fun, upbeat side. That kind of thing is what attracts a man anyway.
Hang in there.
2007-02-06 10:31:22 · answer #5 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he has suddenly put up a wall because he is afraid of getting hurt and he is afraid of losing you? i would say that him putting up that wall has started the process of pushing you away from him already. and instead of talking to him you need to show him with your actions. either you two work on this thing together or you two sepearate. because one person cannot do the work for two people. not only is that one-sided but it is also unfair and will build resentment and cause a lot of tension. if he doesnt want to talk i say leave him be. don't push the issue. maybe he is not ready to talk yet. but don't just sit there doing nothing. go out with your friends, get some extra activites going on...anything that will help you take your mind off of it. because he needs to fully understand (through actions) what his 'wall' is causing. either he wants to be in this relationship and he lets his wall down or you walk away. don't be in a relationship with someone that has their wall up against you.
2007-02-06 11:10:07 · answer #6 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why he is punishing you for what someone else did??
Otherwise, just stay supportive, keep open with him and let him know you will always be there for him, trust him, and keep his confidence.
2007-02-06 10:34:57 · answer #7 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find someone else. Why is it that people complain about the one they are with?If you don't have kids and you don't like the way your other is acting, move on.
2007-02-06 10:32:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should get some therapy to see if he can work past this.
2007-02-06 10:31:59 · answer #9 · answered by slipstreamer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him some space he might come around if not there is a new guy that god chose just for you somewhere
2007-02-06 10:40:16 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋