Does anyone have a good idea (preferably one with a linkable resource) how to convince my husband to go to counseling with me for treatment of a past history of spousal sexual abuse? My first marriage was sexually abusive, which has resulted in some pretty bad, uncontrollable episodes of hysteria during our arguments. I’ve been to counseling on my own, and he has gone with me to a couple of sessions, but he is reluctant to go to anymore. I would really like him to go with me so that he can learn the dynamics of abuse and why I react the way I do to our arguments, but I do not want him to feel pressured into going. I realize that I have a problem, but I would really like him to learn more about the subject; maybe it will result in a complete healing process for me. I also don’t want what I’m going through to sound to him like an excuse for my behavior. Any sexual abuse counselors or psychiatrists out there?
2007-02-06 10:23:25 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How about find a new husband? (Sorry, couldn't resist).
I would think that your husband would do whatever it takes to help his own wife heal. I wish I had a great solution for you. I am sorry that I don't.
A real man will do whatever it takes to save his marriage. A real man will also do whatever it takes to help his wife heal. I just can't imagine not being there for someone that you love.
Ugh, I'm rambling. I hope someone has a great answer for you!
Good luck! I wish you all the best!
:)
2007-02-06 10:26:52 · answer #1 · answered by Boodie 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all schedule an appointment with a doctor to make sure there isn't an underlying medical reason for his fatigue. Even if he has a physical job, he shouldn't want to sleep all the time. After he is cleared by the doctor for anything medical, then you can look at the other reasons why he is not interested such as depression, impotence, his mother living there, his attraction to you (not trying to be mean here, but it could be a factor), etc. Communication is the key here but this is a touchy subject for men so be careful! I've listed some good articles to read and possibly share with him. I know I printed out a few and 'accidently' left them in the bathroom so that my husband could read them.
2016-03-29 08:30:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless the counselor suggests it, it is not wise for the husband to come to the session in the beginning because the victim has to sort out (in this case) her issues. I can understand that it is very uncomfortable for the husband. He can give support but doesn't have to witness the process -- it is really not a man thing, sorry.
Normally, when the counselor thinks the victim has completed a few sessions and is ready, then the couple session makes sense.
2007-02-06 10:42:08 · answer #3 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very touchy subject for anyone to really deal with. Sorry about your experience.
From a man's point of view; whenever I encounter a female who has had some form of sexual abuse; the conversation affects me in a manner where I then try to be more comforting than romancing. In the same sense the subject could affect your relationship.
With regard to your anxiety when you argue. He probably feels that in expectation, you compare him to the one who abused you or may be implying that he has abused you.
You then must realize that your history isn't his story and find comfort in his company.
I'm sure he loves you.
2007-02-06 10:41:20 · answer #4 · answered by Prudent World 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm no counselor, but I think you need to worry about yourself, not him. If he doesn't want to go anymore, maybe he's uncomfortable with it in some way. Either way, you need the help right? So go for you. Needing him there with you all the time is a form of co-dependency. You need to learn to pull your big girl panties up and take care of yourself. There will be times, (Trust me, I know!) when there WON'T be anyone to hold you, help you, rescue you. It will then be all up to you, Doll. So, learn your lessons now, while the learnin' is good!
2007-02-06 10:27:46 · answer #5 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say he went to a couple of sessions. Obviously something about those sessions turned him off. You were there. Discuss this issue with him to see if you can work through it. I've no way of knowing what may have made him uncomfortable, but you do. Offer him the opportunity to see the therapist alone about it.
2007-02-06 10:30:38 · answer #6 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I wouldn't go this counseling either. I would support you efforts to heal from the terrible things you experienced. But, this is an issue you have prior to him. You need to get the counseling and heal yourself.
Like I said, he should support your efforts, and be there for you, but I, IMO, do not think he needs to be in on the sessions. This is about you getting the help you need on your own.
2007-02-06 10:28:28 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never heard of counseling for a marriage before. I am in my forties and just can't imagine why anyone would go to a counselor. I always thought if you didn't like somebody you should stay away from them.
2007-02-06 10:29:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try getting him a book on Christian Counseling and ask him to go with so he can objectively advise you on what he needs. Get him interested in the science of counseling and he might just go.
2007-02-06 10:29:40 · answer #9 · answered by pinkieslim1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he loves you, he will do anything to make you happy...with my ex, i would have done ANYTHING for her no matter what....and i had to...including seeing a counsellor with her.....thats all you need to remember...he may be nervous about going and not just being an ****...a difficult topic to discuss, but something you'll get through if you do really love eah other
2007-02-06 10:28:58 · answer #10 · answered by fanDanGo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋