what do you think of my poem/writing skills (poem #4)?

Question

last one --
plz be honest but not too brutal!!

advice is welcomed, minding the previous statement^^^
dedicated to my deceased only brother, joshua

i wish you could see beyond my tears
see past the fog that never clears
when i was with you i was okay
but once you left my sanity faded away
i cant take back what's already been said
it’s the question of forgiveness that I dread
my sanity faded when you didn’t show
you were gone for good and now i know
the grief and pain that lurks within
and reveals itself when my days begin
you were my hero, my role model, my friend
until that day that it all had to end
your death left me in a haze
emotional numbness had enveloped me in itself
i felt like a blind man lost in a maze
I cant take back what's already been done
i now realize that its just begun

as i write my throat swells
tears stream down my face
my heart is broken from the inside out
and i never miss a moment feeling out of place
it seems that sleep is my only retreat
all my days only foretell defeat
weeks after your departure i hallucinated to ere a voice
it told me to endure the thing that hurt me the most
I replied to the anonymous delusion ;
why?
love is eternal that for my brother,
FOREVER i will grieve

thanks all for the feedback

thanks cherbear for your input, i really think that sounds better too. im probably going to change it then.

Answer 1

Im so sorry for your loss ..and the way you are feeling right now....I know nothing i can say would really help ease the pain...but i am sure that your brother loved you very much, as i can tell that you loved him back just as much..and im sure that he´s very proud of the person that you are today.

Your poem is very, very touching, and so very beautiful.

Answer 2

You write really well. I pray for you that time will heal your wounds and that the love for your brother will manifest itself into new found joy

Answer 3

"until that day that it all had to end"
You might try saying "until that day it all came to an end"
I certainly don't want to tell you how to write your poem though. Once again, great work sweetie!

Answer 4

I liked it, work on the ending. If you're rhyming at the beginning of it, continue to rhyme throughout.

Answer 5

sorry about your loss. i have siblings as well..the other poem about your brother is still the best and although i like many aspects of this one, i think you could rewrite it better..

Answer 6

that was very good and im sorry about ur brother