Do you believe that sexual possessiveness and jealousy are part of human nature, or are we conditioned for it?

Question

Not everyone is jealous and possessive, although there is the competition to procreate. But I think it's at least as much nurture (society) as nature (biology).

It's all to do with survival - maybe the less we need someone for survival, the less possessive we'd feel? Hmmm - just a theory - any others?

Answer 1

I think envy is a natural emotion because it gives you incentive to do things, and it makes you want to grow. Jealousy on the other hand is when it gets twisted out of control and that's when you make the object of your envy an enemy because you don't have what they do. Instead of wanting to grow to be like that person, it makes you shut down not only to them, but to your own growth potential.

I think jealousy is just something we all have seen being played out by other people and you mimick them because it seems natural, or like we can't control it. I'd get really possessive of my boyfriend because I thought that if he noticed someone else if I lost him that it would take something away from me which now I realize isn't true. It can be controlled you just have to accept yourself and know that you can't control everyone else's life and get a grip.

Answer 2

I tend to be jealous & possessive. It's partly insecurity, fear of losing someone I love. It's partly distrust since I've seen a lot of men cheating it's hard to trust anyone. It's partly being a control freak & worrying about the unknown. You never really know anyone. You can be with someone 30 years & not know what they're capable of under certain circumstances.

I tend not to be possessive & jealous with someone I'm not madly in love with. I guess because I don't worry as much about losing them & I take them for granted more. When I'm crazy about someone I worry much more because I don't want to lose them. Also when it's a very attractive man I worry more because he'd have more opportunity, more temptation with women throwing themselves at him...

I don't think it's human nature because not everyone gets jealous. Some people couldn't care less. I think it has more to do with your own personality traits & socialization. You learn certain things over the years. Either you feel secure in yourself & trust others or you're insecure & suspicious.

I'm working on it. I'm trying to be more positive & trusting & to let go a little more. My boyfriend is hurt at the suggestion that I may not trust him. It's not that I think he'd cheat. I believe that he has too much integrity to do that. But I worry that someone else may turn his head the way I did & that I'd lose him. That's just my own insecurity because he's crazy about me. Besides there's no point worrying about what ifs. It may never happen. You can't predict the future & no relationship comes with a guarantee. If it's meant to be, it will be. Right now it certainly seems like we're meant to be. I just have to relax and enjoy it!

Answer 3

I think it is the result of a shortage mentality, so most likely based on survival. It is lurking in the same part of the brain, but I think the firings are out of wack in our society. It is about domination, control, and stir in insecurity - viola! jealousy and possessiveness. I have to have this and keep it cause there may never be any more, and what if I can't get it again? So I believe it is a combo, served a purpose for us, and we may have evolved out of that stage.

Answer 4

Maybe it comes about as a result of something lacking in our lives as we develop from childhood..like an insecurity issue. If we never had healthy relationships growing up maybe when we become a couple with someone we tend to go overboard when we feel threatened of losing that person whether it is real or only an imagined threat to us. Sexual possessiveness might form when we feel betrayed and think we lose our self worth if we have to see our loved one in a romantic relationship with another person...and the emotional devastation it brings about...

Answer 5

Hmmmm...this is a very interesting question. Generally, as humans we have a particular drive in the general issue, but I must agree that it is society that tells us how to go about it. HOWEVER, humans have basic neccessities: food, water, security etc. If a human can find security is sex, then that human will cling to it. That's an important part of marriage. The same could be said about baseball--if a person finds security in the solidity of the game, they will cling to it. It's not some insidious, underhanded face of our culture....its just our own feelings REFLECTED in culture.

Answer 6

Hmm...To me it seems like a combination of both. Our basic instincts tell us to procreate with the fittest and sometimes the fittest can be few and far between. That can cause jealousy or possessiveness issues. But I also think societal pressures can also add to it. Such as being beautiful, or seeing others as beautiful but not yourself. That will contribute to low self esteem, then insecurity then jealousy. ....
Good question! =)

Answer 7

We are conditioned by our parents. Our natural instinct to procreate and find the "right" partner is both biological AND environmental conditioning.

Jealousy is relative to inferiority...lack of self-esteem etc. i.e. we'll never find anyone else if we lose what we have........


The most successful partners let each other be who they are and love them FOR it.

Answer 8

I'd say it's mostly natural, however the portrayal of sexuality and relationships in mainstream culture play a significant role as well.

Answer 9

I like your survival theory. Evolutionarily, we are programmed to pair off and mate. And like most mammals, we can experience the instinctive "turf" reaction that goes along with the mating ritual. It could be just the reversion to our primal instincts.

Answer 10

Men struggle with insecurity and women struggle with
sluttiness (the need to nurture). Each side affects the
other counter-productively.