once again - plz be honest but not too brutal, thx
advice is welcomed, mind the previous statement^^^^
-----distortion-----
distortion
its the only thing you see
even though i try so hard
to hide that secret part of me
to keep up my masquerade
to be the someone you wish me to be
is it worth it?
can you even hear me?
try so hard to get your attention
and every once in a while mention
how much i love you and need your affection
your emotional support and your guiding direction
i wont give up, i wont stop trying
although your subconscious rejection keeps me crying
the need i feel is truly defying
my aching thirst undying -
love from you is my overwhelming zeal
is this my life?
is this even real?
if i wake up
will this all be a dream?
will my story be another?
will this puzzle of a life
finally be put together?
unanswered questions
and incomplete thoughts
my life's been a game
it seems so far i've lost.
2007-02-06 10:17:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
dickn2000 - why dont you just stop answering if you dont like them then?
allan y - thanks, but its a freeverse its not supposed to flow (yeah i know thats what ppl say poetrys about but its not. a part of it is, but not all of it. its about touching someone elses heart or making them laugh, or whatever the poem is about.
2007-02-06 10:27:47 · update #1
Wonderful flow, great choice of wording, just a great poem. Good job. I found my heart racing as I read it and had an almost eerie feeling.....it's as if you were writing this poem about myself and a certain person in my life right now. I absolutely love it! Keep up the good work sweetie :p
Love and light to you always
2007-02-06 10:29:16 · answer #1 · answered by CherBear 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was ready to hate it but actually read it through - would be a great slow song not necessarily a poem in my opinion
2007-02-06 18:22:29 · answer #2 · answered by jodivee_2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the flow is all off in this one
i enjoyed reading all three. the one about your brother is the best by far, but you have talent so keep writing
2007-02-06 18:24:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tek ~aka~Legs! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I read three lines and stopped. But I do appreciate effort so good job.
2007-02-06 18:20:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
better than poem 2. but still looking for rhythm.
2007-02-06 18:21:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely beautiful. And i can definitely relate...
2007-02-06 18:25:04 · answer #6 · answered by Jaded 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very good . it is every day life..
2007-02-06 18:21:32 · answer #7 · answered by StarShine G 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GROAN!! ibid. and ditto your last "question"!! Don't quit your day job!!
2007-02-06 18:21:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋