My ex and I were together for almost 4 years when I found out I was pregnant. Everything was going well then when I was about 4 months he out of the blue dumped me saying he didn't love me anymore and that he never wanted to see me again. When I had the baby I tried to contact he to let him know and he said that he didn't care. A year went past and haven't see or heard from him, then all of the sudden he turned up wanting to see his son and wanting to get back together. He said that he lied when he said he no longer loved me and that he was just not ready tobecome a dad and that he missed me heaps. I don't know what to do, I still love him and all, but I also don't want to get hurt again and I don't want him hurting our son.
2007-02-06 10:15:35 · 4 answers · asked by Amanda B 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well...
1. You were with him 4 years, and while you are pregnant and probably needing or wanting his support, he leaves instead of marrying you or committing to you and his child.
2. He claims he lied. Period. How do you know if he is not lying now and might have had someone else and dumped her in the same manner? If he really wanted you, wouldn't he act like it?
3. He didn't have anything to do with his child for 1 year after birth and several months while you were pregnant. He could have been spending some of that time helping take care of his child and actually caring about the child he had with you. Was he lying then too when he said he didn't care? He could have been bonding with your child and getting closer to you instead of wasting precious time, time that he can't take back.
The Bible says to guard your heart. I would be very cautious and careful, whether or not you take him back. He hurt you before, he can do it again. If he can leave like that and stay away, what's to stop him from leaving if you become really sick or if something happens to you or your child. You do not need a backdoor father who comes and goes as he pleases. At the same time, he is the father, and if he wants to see his child, you can be polite and courteous but still keep your heart safe. If he did not marry or confirm a more serious commitment to you and your child after 4 years of being with you and after something life changing happened, I would think it is a little more than him just not being ready to be a father. After all, it's not like being able to take something back to the grocery store to get a refund whenever something big and scary pops up and he's "not ready" for it. You might want to have a serious talk with him about what he wants and expects and what you can actually expect from him but doing it when both of you are calm and clear headed and without blaming or getting upset. He may actually turn around. Maybe he was scared and afraid of making mistakes as a new father, or maybe he was afraid that it would change you and the relationship, maybe he was afraid that this would tie him down and wanted to keep his options open, maybe he is telling the truth (now), but just be careful. And even if you do take him back, he could still turn on you years down the road when something else comes up. And it could be anything.
Do you really want him back after he stayed away that long not even acting like he wanted to see his own son? Someone saying that he does not care when you tried to let him know you just had his child? Someone who would not (when he could have but chose not to) mention the truth (if that is even the truth), that he needed some time to think, that all this was new to him. Someone who did not even consider your feelings about carrying his child? Someone who just pops back into your life and your baby's life? What all of a sudden caused this turnaraound?
Maybe he thinks he loves you and missed you heaps, but is abandonment and neglect love? Did he just get lonely? Is he confused now or was he confused when he took off and left you?
Be very cautious indeed either way if you take him back or not.
I hope the best for you, and I hope it was a one time event if you do take him back. I'd make him wait a looong time and play hard to get, and I'd be steaming on the inside. Wait a minute, I am steaming!
If you decide to not let him back into a relationship with you, just make a list of why you should not take him back. You and your son deserve better treatment.
2007-02-06 11:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by deva s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is very immature but that is typical of the make species unfortunatley they get all freaked out when it comes to babies. Do what your heart tells you girl and what you know is best for that baby. He is the # 1 in your life now so, if the dad is for real and really wants to be back with you it will happen. Dont rush into anything you have the rest of your life to be with that one special person! If after a while he is still trying to win you back go for it but make him prove it to you! Good luck
2007-02-06 10:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by 13 MONTH OLD GETS FREQ EAR INFEC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know him better than we do. Was your relationship good before you got pregnant? He might have really had cold feet and realized how messed up he has been. but only you can determine that depending on how your relationship was before
2007-02-06 10:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by Lovely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my opinion? u shouldn't take him back because if he didn't have the guts to stay with u when u needed him....sooner or later he will to it again....let him see his son but don't do this
2007-02-06 23:38:11 · answer #4 · answered by cool girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋