i know he loves me anyone would thats together for over 4 years. he never wants to hug or go out anymore. I am such an affectionate person. He doesnt take me anywhere and im wondering if maybe we have a great friendship and thats it. I love him so much and i feel like he doesnt love me as much. our anniversary of being together was a couple of weeks ago and he didnt even realize it. we arent married and we have no kids. What are your opinions and advice?
2007-02-06 10:09:14 · 18 answers · asked by PrinCipeSSa ItaLiAnA 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you guys all have such great answers i wish i could pick all of you for best answer. thanks and keep it coming!
2007-02-06 10:20:34 · update #1
welcome to the comfort of a relationship.the first few years together are considered the honeymoon period where you cant seem to get enough of each other and nothing else matters to either of you. you are basically comsumed by each other. a relationship cant continue at that kind of intensity and couples tend to mellow a little. also after 4 years together both of would have grown as people too and with growth comes change people can be married for years and not remember their anniversary. you really are reading to much in to this. men do not have the extremely intense feelings that women get (not that he doesnt love you) but men love different from women.a woman gives all of herself to her man and loves with every fibre of her being but a man considers such displays of affection as a weakness. i think that it goes back to caveman times. men like to be seen as powerful and in control maybe his love for you makes him feel powerless and out of control and that is scary for a man so to regain that power he pulls away from you. men are emotional cripples. if you want him to love the way that you love him then you should have chosen a women to be with as only another woman can feel those things for you. not to say that a mans love can not be intense but it is different love. my opinion too is that men dont have different degrees of love like women do. he is still in love with you if he wasnt why would he stay? i am sure that there would be some else he could be with but he chose you (and you chose him) and he is in your bed next to you. honestly my man isnt the most affectionate person walking this planet but I know that he loves me and when he does hold me it is really special cos i know that his heart beats for me. it seems to me that you have insecurities about your relationship you need to look at the bigger picture and enjoy the time that you have with him.
matbe you should take him out somewhere as this is 2007. plan a romantic evening at home with a candle light dinner or offer to give him a sensual massage because that lets you give him the affection that you need to. just small things that dont make him feel like he is under pressure.
lastly the most successful relationships are people that are in love with their best friend so a great friendship is a fantastic foundation. relationships are hard work all the time and being friends out you half way to happiness.
2007-02-06 10:45:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
have you tried talking to him?i know that most people change from being all lovey dovey after a while into a relationship but since you are the affectionate person you are,maybe you should just tell him how you feel and then see how he reacts.you cant really push someone to be sappy but you can decide what works and dont work for you in a relationship.good luck~maybe he dosent realize how its making you feel so go easy on the guy at first.maybe try to do some things like watch movies and hold hands,whatever really..hope all works out for you guys.
2007-02-06 18:15:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a relationship that lasts that long will feel that way. You really need to communicate with him how you're feeling and you really need to find out how he's feeling. I'm sure he loves you very much but he is probably at a stage in his life where he knows that he can do whatever he wants because you'll always be there. Because he knows you love him to death and wouldn't dare leave him, he can treat you like this. It sounds bad but you have to find out if he's doing this to you so you will leave him. So he doesn't have to do the breaking up. Communication is the #1 key to all relationships. If he's doing things you think on purpose, or just forgetting things - there is something going on in his head.... Let him know you're there for him without smothering him or nagging him. Good Luck.
2007-02-06 18:15:54 · answer #3 · answered by princessk 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Alisha why not ask him what love is? I know this sounds like a stupid question, but let me challenge you... without looking in the dictionary, can you right now come up with a definition of love? Don't use the word love in your definition that's just absurd! What I'm trying to show you is that most of us are orbiting this "Love" while never really exploring what it means to us. O.K. now look in the dictionary and see if your personal definition is close. Remember love is a verb, it's an action, not a feeling, not a place to fall into, not just words. Get him involved, have him define love. Put both of yours together, see if there are similarities. He may have the love without expectations of reward, caring for ones esteem, yada yada yada, blah blah blah! Good Luck! This ought to start the communication rolling!
2007-02-06 18:23:08 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it kinda depends on your age, maybe. If you are young and this is a high school sweetheart thing and now you guys are in your early twenties it could be that he's ready to discover who he really is without you, sorry to say. However, if you are older than that and have a more mature relationship that is very deep and involves things like living together, joint finances, etc. etc. he might be bored or possibly cheating. You should hire Joey Greco from the tv show Cheaters. He'll get to the bottom of anything. Hopefully that's not the case.
2007-02-06 18:14:31 · answer #5 · answered by mll804 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your first line was, "I know he loves me" just because you have been together for 4 years. Years together does not equal love. He may just be comfortable with you. You are not married and have no kids and I don't sense he wants either kids or marriage. I don't think he feels as strongly about you as you feel about him. The good news is he probably doesn't want to lose you. The bad news is if you want this relationship to be more, he'll probably resist. Good Luck on whatever you decide to do.
2007-02-06 18:17:42 · answer #6 · answered by jax0817 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well if hes been less affectionate lately, it doesnt necessarily mean that he doesnt love u anymore. have u tried talking to him about it? maybe if u told him how u felt, he would change the way hes been treating u, or perhaps thers something bothering him, and thats y hes been distant l8ly. well, the best thing to do is to talk to him about it, and if it does turn out that hes not interested in u anymore, then its his loss. but i doubt that he doesnt love u anymore.
hope i was of help
=]
2007-02-06 18:14:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey let me tell U, guys aren't like us girls, who remember every occasion even if you've been together 4 or more years. He obviously loves you if U are still together. Have you tried telling him your feelings, maybe this is all it will take. All I can Say Is follow your heart girl, Youll know if & when its time to leave
Keep your head up & heart Open
2007-02-06 18:23:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him this in a non nagging, Polite way. He'll realize it's been bothering you and maybe start acting more affectionate o.O And guys do to do love, Don't listen to whoever said that.
2007-02-06 18:14:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i'd talk to him about it. ask him whats up? how long has this been going on for? consider what other people on here have been saying but also consider that he might just be really stressed or worst of all he could be cheating on you. Its probably not that though.
2007-02-06 18:21:02 · answer #10 · answered by Wendy G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋