How do I act and what do I do?

Question

Ive been married for less then a year. I love my wife with all of my heart.

We have a problem though. We have sex about once every 6 weeks. I want once a night, I am agreeable to twice a week, but she wont do it. She always says she doesnt feel like it. The problem I find is that when we were engaged, we broke it off for a few months and in less then 2 weeks she was in the bed of another man and a few weeks later another man. Weve tried counseling and she agreed to twice a week, but she just wont comply with it. She doesnt even sleep with me. She sleeps in the living room watching tv. No making out, no cuddling

I am not afraid of her cheating on me, but I cant take it anymore. Ive had other women offer and ive always turned it down. But Ive been thinking very much of starting affairs. How do we fix things, or do I just divorce her? I love her so much ive just lived with it, but I cant anymore.

Help please.

I do anything intimate she ask, if its more time out I do it, if she wants material things I do it. I have tried romantic dinners, candles, sweet talk. The only thing that seems to work is jealousy. If I flirt with another woman she is all ready to go, but I pay for it later of course.

She says she loves me, and that im the best lover she has had and that im extremely handsome to her. Sounds like a lie to me, but its what she says.

We have talked about it again and again and nothing changes. Its come to the point where I have done all but straight out say If you dont have sex with me, cuddle and kiss me then we are getting a divorce.

Answer 1

I only see two possibilities. She either doesn't want to have sex with you because she doesn't like you much; or she does care about you, but has some psychological issues that makes her avoid sex. Forget affairs. If you wife IS mentally ill, cheating would be lousy in numerous ways. If she actually doesn't like you, why bother cheating? Divorce.

Answer 2

You and your wife should sit down and talk about things. You should be honest with her about the way she is making you feel. If she is not having sex with you and is not sleeping in the same bed with you, then there is something going on with her. Does she have stress at work or was there some dramatic change in her life? How long has this been going on? If you do not trust her and think she is having an affair behind your back, maybe you should hire a private investigator. This way, you will have the answer to your question. Also, if either of you are not happy in the marriage, maybe a divorce is what you need, and any evidence of her cheating from that private investigator will do you good in court.

Answer 3

Tell her how you feel. About thinking about ending the marriage if things don't change, then maybe she'll be more willing to put an effort in. And counseling is a must. DON"T CHEAT!! It will only make things worse, not better, b/c then you will feel like an a**, and you will continue to let her treat you this way out of guilt. Good luck to you and best wishes!!!

Answer 4

Are you trying to PLEASE her are you just trying to get off?Women are like stoves they need to be turned on & then after 30 min it's hot.Are you helping around the house?Are you listening when she talks?Do you do anything just for her that you know she'll like.Ask her "how can I please you ,I love you & I want to make you happy,tell me & I'll do it.It doesn't mean you'll get laid but at least it'll start getting her in the mood.maybe she likes back rubs,baths,candles, or love notes ? If you truly love her than you'll find out.Also if she was molested or raped it is very hard for those people to have a normal sex life & maybe she needs to deal with that & be patient.I know it's hard but you don't sound redy to give up just yet.Get the book men are from mars,women are from venus or love languages very good books read them on your own and see what you can do.Every night is gonna be a while till she discovers O.You might be hurting her?Who knows but TRUE LOVE finds out before they give up.

Answer 5

Do yourself a favor. If you're not happy with it, and she's not willing to compromise, then get out of it instead of being the kind of man no woman would respect, sleeping around.

Yes, you love her, but do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? Sometimes we have to let go, to save ourselves.

I'm sorry for your delimma, but I think you're better off getting out and finding someone better suited to you, then becoming a player just to stay with her, and perhaps getting an STD in the process. Good luck!

Answer 6

maybe you should hire a private investigator just in case. because if she is cheating then that could explain why she doesn't have a sex drive with you. especially around that time of the month...unless she is on some extremely powerfull birth control that stopped her periods altogether (or has had a hystorectomy). so instead of being in denial...just save up some money and have a personal investigator to follow your wife and track everything she does. just to put your mind at ease.

Answer 7

I think you both are suffering. This isn't just your problem or just about your needs. Keep this in mind and ask her what would make her happy. I guess that she is missing the intimacy that you two once shared. Please join together to make each other happy. I know you can do this for the right reasons, not just to get what you want-when you want it. The end result will be a new level in your marriage. Love her, love her love her.

Answer 8

Sometimes when women cheat they aren't getting that spice they need from their spouse. I think you should try something to boost up the sex like toys, food anything. If that doesn't work cheat and let her know how it feel if she doesn't care leave

Answer 9

if its not working and she cheated in the past i say divorce before you cheat. it looks bad if you do in the courts eyes. she's not willing to work on it so why should you.. sorry but why put your morals to the side wait for the divorce then move on..

Answer 10

You need to go up to her and ask her if she loves you!! Because from what you have written she might not love you as much as she though she did.

Go up to her and get some answers!