I had an abortion,i now feel guilt and keep thinking about it,help?

Question

At the time i thought it was the right thing to do because i wasnt financially stable and the father of the child was a ex drug addict criminal. The abortion was months ago but now it's catching up with me and i keep dreaming about babies and thinking about this child i gave up on,i keep wondering if it would of been a boy or a girl and i think of how old it would be now etc. Sometimes i wish i would of kept the baby and given it a chance but at the time i thought i would'nt of made a good mother,please no nasty comments but has anyone else regretted their abortion?

Answer 1

Hi,

I had an abortion when I was 19. I wasnt ready just like you, I had no financial stability and the father was an idiot.

Its not an easy choice to make and you have to tell yourself if you start to feel bad, that you did a brave thing.

I still wonder even now, almost 15 yrs later all the 'what-ifs' but I know that I probably wouldnt have coped at the time.

It might always hurt to think about this, but it does get easier, I promise and you will realise what a brave and strong woman you really are.

My thoughts are with you, x

Answer 2

You have done the right thing by having an abortion, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. The problem is that we are able to have children when we are no more than children ourselves, and just at the time that women feel ready to have children their fertility is dropping, like when women get into their forties that is the right time to have children at least motionally and you are often in a much better financial situation too. We have not been well designed, well at least not for the 21st Century, our bodies have not kept up with all the other changes.
If the guy who got you pregnant, was an ex drug addict and a criminal, is it fare on a child to be brought into the world knowing that? also the child could of been deformed because the father was a drug addict, did you think about that.? In the future women will be able to have children in their fifties and even sixties because scientist have proven that you can stop the menopause from happening, so this isn't your only chance to have a baby and as you said you were not in the right circumstances for a child. Does your ex druggie boy friend feel guilt? no I am sure he dosn't, so why should you? I know a number of women who have had abortions and none of them have regretted it, because they were either too young, meaning they were still in their twenties which is very young to be a mother, or they were not in a loving relationship, and they didn't want to be a single mother, and why should women forfit their indepence to bring up children and live for others, when men don't? You live your life, and don't let these pro-life supporters condemn you.

Answer 3

I had an abortion last year. It was mainly because of the physical problems i had with my previous pregnancy, but im now expecting our third(fourth) child. It was the right thing to do as i could have ended up disabled have another baby so close to the last. Ive already got two kids and didn't want to risk it. I felt guilty as hell...i still think would it have been a boy or girl...when would it have been born etc...its just one of those things. Were you offered councelling? as it is recommended after an abortion. Just remember you did what you thought was right. Have you got someone you could talk to? it helps. I regretted the abortion in many ways..but at the same time didn't as i had the rest of the family to think of. Find someone to talk to.....just remember you did the right thing for you at the time....there's no changing it now..so try not to regret it...i hope you feel better with yourself soon......

Answer 4

You must believe that you have not done anything wrong. You made the right choice for you at the time. Please, do not torture yourself by asking what might have been. Brining a child into the world where the father is a drug addict and you are not financially stable is not the best start for you as a mother and your child. Of course you will make a good mother - having an abortion does not mean that you cannot when the time is right make a wonderful parent. Be kind to yourself - if you feel you need to discuss this then talk to your doctor, or a trusted friend. Believe me, you are not alone - many women have had an abortion - we are all human and sometimes make mistakes. In this country, thankfully, you have the right as a woman to make the choice as to whether to have an unwanted child or not - thank god we do.
Be positive and look forward. Stay away from the father of the child - he will hold you back in the healing process. Good luck. x

Answer 5

For me it is a similar feeling, even though it took me a long time to regret it. I think that it is important that women feel they have a choice of whether or not to keep a baby if they become pregnant, but I know that for me it is a decision I would never make again. I am glad that I did it then, I was way too young to have a child, but I do regret that I was so immature about contraception in the first place. People need to think about whether or not they would be happy to have a child before they have sex, because no contraception method is completely reliable. I used to think about my aborted child often, how old it would be, what it would look like etc, I think this is a natural part of the grieving process and something you might not have let yourself acknowledge until now. Since having my daughter, and now being pregnant with another child these feelings have been extremely rare for me. I think that when you are ready and have more children that you will be a great mum for having realised how much your children will really mean to you. Just know that it is best to decide before you get pregnant whether you want to or not, but that if you do have an unplanned pregnancy there are many avenues for you to find support to continue with your pregnancy. You should never feel as though you have to abort, no matter how poor you are or unworthy you feel as a parent.

Answer 6

My thoughts go out to you chick, I know exactly how you are feeling as I had a medical abortion when I was 17. I am now 22 and still regret it to this day, I was in an abusive relationship at the time and felt pressured into it off my partner and his mother. I just wish I would have been strong enough to stand up for myself and the life growing inside of me. For a long time after I was consumed with guilt, which resulted in my taking an overdose shortly before my 21st birthday, and spending 6 weeks in hospital with liver and kidney failure. It was only after being discharged from hospital was I offered weekly counselling with a psychologist. I am now well and almost 9 weeks pregnant to my loving boyfriend, however, had my parents not found me in time I would not be here. Please, please, please go and get yourself some help now be it via counselling or a support group and try not to, however hard it may seem, to dwell on the past. We all do things we are not pround of, and we all have regrets, it is what makes us human. xxxxx

Answer 7

I have had exactly the same feelings. It was weird to read your entry as it was like me writing it.

Please hold on to the reasons you decided not to go ahead. It was completely right for you and that is what is important.

It took a long time to get through my feelings. Talking to trusted friends (I was surprised that I didn't have any judgements - only support) and counselling are important. As someone else said, no matter the circumstances, you have had a bereavement and you need to grieve.

I often wondered about the baby and what it would have been like, its personality, its sense of humour, whether it would have looked like me or the Dad.

In the end I wrote a poem to the baby saying goodbye and put together a treasure box. It contained things that reminded me of that time and that gave me comfort.

I had my abortion 12 years ago and I still think about it often but it doesn't hurt in the same way and I believe it has made me a stronger person in the long-run.

I also told the father what I was thinking and how I was hurting. He looked at me as though I was mad. That helped me realise that it was totally right for me to make that choice! He knew about the pregnancy from the start and it was clear he couldn't cope with it.

Trust yourself and your sense to do the right thing for yourself. I am sure that things will get easier in time.

Take care of yourself and try to talk when you are ready. X

I would also like to add for the majority of other answerers who have offered support and not judged that I am really impressed by the support you have offered. It is a difficult question to ask and I am genuinely in awe of those who have spoken up and offered comfort.

Answer 8

I had an abortion when i was 18yrs old I am know 26. I tried not to think about but it's not a day that pass by that I don't. I didn't know that I had a choice, I thought it was up to my parents and when my mother took me to the doctor and i told them i didn't won't to do it they told me it was up to my mom not me. It's really hard sometime to look at my mother she should just killed me. But like i said i still think about and the older you get the more you will. I will never i my life do that again. It's best to talk about. I just started telling people about 2 years ago because I'm embarrassed and i fill like i should have stood up for me and my baby. Things happen for a reason all ways remember that.

Answer 9

I had one nearly 10 years ago. All my childhood I'd wanted to be a mother with loads of kids, but when i got pregnant at 19 I couldn't have dealt with it. I spent the next 2 years regretting what I had done, but eventually I got over it. And you will to, in time. The wondering will always be there. I have 3 wonderful little boys now, but i still wonder if the one I aborted would have been a girl!

Answer 10

At the time you had your reasons but now you feel guilt.I just want to tell you whats been done is done.You can't bring back the hands of time.You need to live one day at a time and find something you like to do for a hobby.The more you dwell on this the more it is going to eat you up alive and it will lead you into a bad depreesion.Don't give up on life for one choice you made.You have a whole life ahead of you.So stay and think positive because great things will happen in your future.Hope this will help a little.

Answer 11

Hey hun, as I write this I'm passing you a box of tissues, a box of choccies and a drink. You made the right decision that was appropriate at the time and from what you have said, for all the right reasons too. As we grow up we take our own life into our own hands and make decisions that suit us best at the time they approach us. I understand your guilt and possible regret, but look forward to the times when you will have children that you and the father can care for financially, and emotionally and together. Everyone who is a mother can be a good mother, its just that people have different ways of bringing up thier children.

Try getting out with friends for meals or to the cinema, or iceskating or a holiday. Take life as it comes.

Heres a big hug for you....