ENGLISH TEACHER..Help!! correct my essay?

Question

In my opinion, there are two major principles which should keep in mind ,while building a new utopian community.
The first principle is the community environment should look friendly . community can be designed with parks, lakes and trees which are near houses, and it helps residents reduce stress .For example ,residents have some places to go for relaxation, being close to the nature , by doing recreational activities such as jogging ,fishing , and picnicking. (Moreover, parks and lakes will become facilitators to enhance socialization.) The second principle of building a utopian community is to create transportation systesm. Having good public transportation systems are very important ,because it can minimize traffic problems and air pollution. The less cars residents drive, the less exhaust cars produce. Afterward, air quality will become much better. herefore , Attempting to build a utopian community will not be like trying to achieve a "dreamland," since such a place is impossible to construct. Rather, a utopian community just needs to consider how to make environment friendly and creating transportation system.

Answer 1

In my opinion, there are two major principles which should be kept in mind while building a new utopian community. The first principle is that the community environment should look friendly . The communitiy should be designed with parks, lakes and trees near the houses. This would not only improve the visual appeal of the community, but help residents reduce stress by providing some places to go for relaxation. Moreover, as sites for community interaction, parks and lakes would become facilitators to enhance socialization.
The second principle of building a utopian community is to create a workable and sustainable transportation system. Good public transportation is very important, to minimize traffic and air pollution problems that would negatively impact the community. The fewer cars residents drove, the less exhaust would be produced. Because pollutants would be reduced, air quality would become better over time.
Thus, attempting to build a utopian community would not be like trying to achieve a "dreamland," since such a place is impossible to construct. Rather, a utopian community would just need to find ways to make a friendly environment for recreation and interaction, and provide a transportation system that could support the needs of the community while minimizing teh impact of traffic and pollution.

Answer 2

Lose the two commas in the first sentence.
A community...comma before and as well (lakes, and trees) take out the which are (leaving near houses).
What helps the residents reduce stress? The friendly look or the parks and trees?
Lose the For example...you aren't giving any. Residents will have some place to go...
Be VERY careful of comma use! There are way too many.
Systems in spelled wrong.
Having a good public... is very important (no comma) because.
If residents drive their private vehicles less the community will experience less air pollution thus providing better air quality.
Lose the word just.
it environmentally friendly by...(restate the trees and parks point) and create a functional transportation system.

Just a few things I noticed right away.

Answer 3

There's very little to correct and I'd point out you need to focus on punctuation since some of your sentences are far too long to be uttered as written. You should use more commas and semicolons. Through his critical view and description of the life in such a society, Bradbury gives a warning to the readers about the dangers of any form of totalitarianism, and also points out indirectly that there are alarming sings in our society nowadays. Fahrenheit, for example, deals with the loneliness of the main character Montag in his relationship with his wife Mildred, their isolation and their disability to communicate. In consideration of the fact that the divorce rate has increased rapidly in the last decades, the book reflects an everyday experience, which casts a damning light on relationships these days. As a matter of fact many children DO NOT experience an intact family, but this can also happen in families in which mother and father are ALWAYS present. Many parents DO NOT tackle with the development of their children and neglect their education. Children are left on their own and, for instance, use whole communication applianceS and the media as a compensation FOR of real parental affection. The manipulation of the media, presented as the televised hunt for Montag and the killing of an innocent man as a scapegoat, gives the reader a warning, not to uncritically trust in the latest news, because a media coverage is uncommonly impartial. Bradbury also concentrates on the IMPACT of a monitoring system in which human freedom is limited somehow and therefore portrays the changes in many states today. Through the presented effects of monitoring and the described fact that the state takes advantage of the available system for its own concerns, Bradbury shows that such an observation of citizens is a sensitive issue. ....

Answer 4

Put WE after which. "there are two major principles which WE should keep in mind.... or "which should be kept in mind"