I have no Self Confidence, Please Help me. I am depressed because of it.?

Question

Hi, I am a 24 year old male, and I have absolutely no self confidence when it comes to being socialble and funny. I never have much to say, and I get nervous around my gf. We've been together for almost one year, and we are both in love, so it's ridiculous that I still feel nervous. I am such a perfectionist and I feel like my every move is being watched. I just feel like I don't measure up to her. I feel like I can't make her happy. I have trouble being completely open with her, but I want so much to get closer to her. I NEVER have anything to talk about. Maybe I am too self absorbed. I don't want to be though. There are times when I am hilarious, but I don't know how to be like that all the time. She says that she doesn't mind that I'm a "private person," but she acts differently around me than other people. I am sure that she picks up on my insecurities. She is in the relationship for the long haul, but I don't want to make her or her kid miserable in the process. HELP

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to learn how to loosen up a little. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Crack a joke every now and then. Relax and be yourself.

Start by watching lots of Monty Python, Red Dwarf, and Faulty Towers. Follow that up with The Family Guy, Southpark, and Spongebob Squarepants. Get a feeling for what funny is, and you'll be a pro in notime.

Answer 2

You gain confidence from
1. Having successfully accomplished small items (finishing a job at work, a home project, reading a book). Confidence accumulates.
2. Finished reasonable level of schooling (or starting your business if school is not your thing)
3. Pick up a subject and read about it with passion and then learn to talk about it intellectually. You can even read an interesting novel and pick up unique issues to use as conversation topics. I read Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown 2 years ago on the plane and talked about to friends and colleagues when the book was first introduced. Made good intellectual conversations.
4. Feel confident doesn't mean you should put up a front to bully others. Feel good about yourself such as being kind and considerate to others, help you positively in attitude.

Answer 3

Good man, you need to stop being scared of your own self. Don't try to be perfect no one is. So what at times you don't have nothing to say, welcome to long relationships. Sometimes when my boyfriend picks me up from work on the way home we talk about nothing, the only thing were listen to is the radio. You said some times your hilarious, but you don't know how to stay that way all the time. Why would you. Who can stay hilarious all the time. You see your asking to much of yourself. And a person who is hilarious all the time can get boring. You have a girl, she with you she likes you. In you must be a good guy and have charisma to get a girl. Stop being so hard on your self. NO ONE IS PERFECT.read some of Dr. Laura C. Schelssinger books.

Answer 4

25% of the people are like us - other people drain us of energy and leave us feeling uncomfortable and inadequate.
75% of the people work the otherway. They can't stand to be alone or quiet. They draw energy from being around people.
So - You're an introvert. Recognizing it is the first step to liberation. You don't need to change, just accept. You are trying to live up to a you you don't need to live up to. Celebrate who you are and thank God every day you have a love who understands. Many don't.
Viva la Introvert...no offense....well...probably some to the Extro.

Answer 5

You may not believe this, but, ask your regular family doctor for some Wellbutrin, or another anti-depressant. Anti-depressants are not just for anti-ing depression, they're also mood stabilizers that work WONDERS.

My ex hubby was a great, wonderful guy. But he suffered the same as you, and it never stopped. At 35, he tried Wellbutrin, and this ******** thinking went away.

It's just a habit of thought, believe it or not. Because no one thinks you're as imperfect as you do. Help yourself to stop thinking that way - take advantage of any help. Call your doctor. (Before your gf gets tired of it)

Answer 6

I used to feel like that. I took an assertive training course through Mental Health and it helped me to learn how to talk to people and say what was on my mind. It really helped me to relax alot more.

Answer 7

Loosen up and be yourself just let you come out. She is with you because she loves who you are. You open up to her its ok thats how you connect with one another and you learn more from one another. Talk with her and ask her what would make your relationship better etc.

Answer 8

Go see a doctor about depression and get help and then you can start living.

Answer 9

have a drink!