my b/f is an alcoholic what do i do?

Question

my b/f is 36 an iam 18 an i love him to bits we have been together for 2 an a half years an we are engaged. i have had to move back to my mums because of his drinking. i am still with him an i dont want to lose him. ive asked him to get help but he keeps saying he dosent have a problem an he is so ill sometimes i lie some nights an cry myself to sleep worrying about him..but i also dont really trust him. well i did but he told me that he has cheated on every g/f he has ever had even to the mother of his first child he was with for 8 years. i dont knw wat to do plz help

Answer 1

You cannot have a relationship with an alcoholic. It is impossible. Addicted people are incapable of loving anything more than their addiction. Unless and until he gets help, you are in for a very sad life as long as you are with him.

If you love him, do everything in your power to get him help - even leaving him. You don't want to be along on that train wreck.

Answer 2

Hey, this is a tough one. I was reading an agony aunt article the other day. The question was posed that you should ask yourself not if you can live WITH the person but if you can live without them. If you can answer no truthfully give this all you have and fight for every thread of the relationship.
Sadly alcoholics dont realise they have a problem until it is explained and spelled out to them by a healtcare official this may be an avenue to go down and try and get some proper help. I cant help noticing the age gap either. I mean there is 18years between u, i cant help thinking that he is taking you for a ride.
Also if he has confessed to cheating on every girl he has ever been with, i'd walk away now whilst u still have the chance, find someone your own age and be with someone who will love you support you and be faithful to you and also and most importantly give you the respect u deserve.

Answer 3

um.... you're female???

I think you made all this up. Why? Because you post that he is twice your age, you were supposedly seeing him at the age of 16, plus he's an alcoholic, has a child by a previous marriage, plus has cheated on all his girlfriends. Nobody could have all this info about a person and want to actually stay with them!!!!

If you actually didn't make all this up, then get out of his life. He's a user!! He's manipulative. Buy the book "Women Who Love Too Much" and read. He will never change. He will try to control you via his psycho BS. He does all that to control you and any other person. He's got you feeling sorry for him even though he's an as*hole!!

He won't change.... no matter what. You cannot change him. You can't make him see the "light". But he knows that if he keeps it up, you'll keep trying and stick around just to try and change him!!

Answer 4

You will know this in the future maybe not now with the LOVE blinding you but move on girl. You are 18 and haven't even started your life he is not willing to get help and he doesn't even think he has a problem. You say he has admitted to cheating on other girls he will always do that there is no changing that once a cheater always a cheater much less an alcoholic as well. Get on with your life and you will meet a man who deserves a woman like you that will respect you and treat you like a lady never set your sites so low. good luck to you I wish you the best.

Answer 5

You must stay away,this is something he has to do for himself.
If he truly is an alcoholic,I can't see him having much sex ,if any ,with another woman,so I'd get that out of your head,if he's drinking that heavily then he'll have brewers droop.
He has to go for help AA or the like. To be honest at 18 you don't really need to be leading this sort of life, his drinking could go on and on as he won't admit to needing help.
Even if he does seek help,it can take years.
Your 18 with your whole life ahead of you,go and live it darling.

Answer 6

unfortunately your b.f hasnt hit his rock bottom yet,he has to do that before he can get help.addicts are very selfish,it goes with the addiction.if you decide to stay with him,it wouldnt do you any harm to get some a.a books and read up on the lives of other people who have been through this.there is also meetings for the families of people who are alcoholics,which might help you to see you are not the only one in this situation and show you how others cope on a day to day basis.
my partner is in recovery but has had a few slips.i can only tell you that if you stay with him the road ahead is very hard and you need to be very strong emotionally.its hard to know if your b.f will ever give up drink but even if he does you have to learn that you are not responsible for him,only yourself.it sounds like you are the responsible adult in the relationship.i hope you make the right decision for yourself.

Answer 7

Get a new boyfriend. A 34 year old man has no business with a 16 year old.

So let's see...He drinks, he lies, he cheats, you don't trust him...If you're still together then it sounds like YOU are the one with the problem, not him.

Answer 8

You are young. I divorced mine, last year. My drunk .I did 11yrs. with him . He cheated, got put in jail, money spent,and 4 kids now.
I'm remarried to a wonderful man. Who can have A drink ,not a case of beer. The scars that come from the alcoholic run deep. You make a choice. Praying for you. GOD BLESS

Answer 9

First step is he has to admit that he has a problem,and that he needs help.Without that,it is going to be hard to sort out.You can only do so much,he really has to want help.And as he is saying he doesn't need it,it's going to be hard to help.You say you've asked him to seek help,and he hasn't,think maybe you need to tell him that if he doesn't seek help,it could end your relationship.But maybe you should look at the relationship anyway,because it doesn't read that great.He must see the hurt he causing,so after talking to him,if he chose not to get help I would finish it.But if he loves you he would get help.

Answer 10

I don't mean to be harsh but I would say leave him. My BIL is an alcoholic. He abused my sister for years leaving her with mental health problems. He cheated on her, gave her an std and had a baby with one woman and got a prostitute pregnant then decided to leave my sister, not her him! Thier children have suffered watching their dad abuse their mum and when he is drunk he calls them to shout abuse at them - one is 10.
You are young and I know you love him but is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
Good luck whatever you decide.