should I tell my husband?

Question

While my husband was abroad, I told him i would meet a male friend and give him a gift in return for a favor. I had dinner with my friend, we talked, had some joyride, and eventually ended up in bed. Three weeks after, we stopped communicating because we both knew it was a mistake. It only happened once and it's been two months already. I didnt feel guilty at that time because I & my husband are having problem with our sexuall life but I am starting to feel guilty lately. Although my husband and I have unhealthy sex life, we love each other & are happy together. He's got very low sex drive and erectile dysfunction but he is very loving & faithful to me. Should I tell him what happened?

Answer 1

Heck no. Pray and ask God to forgive you and to allow you to forgive yourself. Seek counciling if this doesn't help. Continue to not comunicate with the man you cheated with. If he ever contacts you again, let him know how you feel about what happened and that you can never see him again. Do not tell your husband unless someone else threatens to tell him first. Telling him will not do anything but harm to your marriage, especially because your husband may already have insecurity issues due to his sexual performance difficulties. Above all you should avoid all activities and alliances that may lead to you having another affair.

Answer 2

Guilt. Self loathing.

Like a stray, they don't go away once fed. I fear this will be with you unless you can anesthetize your conscience. And that in itself is no desirable outcome.

You say its a happy marriage. I have my doubts. Sexual satisfaction is a key component of a happy and successful marriage. Your marriage obviously lacks this. I do not mean to make light of ED or denigrate your hubby...its a simple fact. You have proven that.

You need to tell him. By sleeping around you expose him to all sorts of wonderful diseases. Does he deserve that? Does he deserve to be a cuckold? Does he deserve to rear a child that might not be his? Yes...I know you aren't pregnant and you have no reason to suspect STD this time. This time. Meaning there will be others. This is part of that anesthetize your conscience.

"Its only sex...I still love my hubby. Its ok now. People will understand. Now I feel better...time to wipe my crotch off, leave the motel and go back home."

That is your future should you not tell him. The normal healthy desire for sex will creep back over time. And the second time is easier than the first. Put that conscience to sleep. That's better.

Or tell him. Tell him you hit the sack with another man. Maybe he leaves you. Good for him. Maybe you have a true and honest heart to heart about his ED (this would be the one you should have had to begin with...sans the affair). Maybe he seeks help. Maybe he gets better and drops you like a cheating wife. Maybe not.

In any case, you have put your conscience at ease. The guilt fades. The self-loathing slows to end. You stop feeling like this.

Or put your conscience to sleep.

Your life, you choose.

Pleasant answer? Lord no. Honest? You bet.

Answer 3

You need some serious help. First you must examine why you thought it was OK to cheat on your husband just because you were having some problems. What kind of commitment is that? As you find out about you then you can with your professional counselor decide your best action in regards to sharing this information with your husband. Anything you feel you have to lie about with your life partner will cause damage to the relationship.

Answer 4

Yes. You should always be open with your partner. When you also tell him, you should tell him WHY you cheated and that y ou are having trouble staying sexualy satsified.

After that, you should BOTH go to a sex therapist and get help for his sexual disorders. If he really loves you, then he will get up and do something about his sex drive. I'm not saying that HE is to blame for your cheating, because you made a choice to do that, but HE should want to make you happy.

And from now on, you have to work better at making him happy to. That means complimenting him, making him feel manly even though he can't perform and help him work through his sexual problems...

Answer 5

You said abroad, I hope to God your husband isn't a soldier. But anyway. I would tell my husband the truth regardless if you feel guilty or not about your adultery. You guys could have discussed your sex life maturely and sought counselors, doctors, therapy, or marriage retreats. But you chose to cheat which obviously means your gravely unhappy. You need to confess and apologize to your husband. Not only did you severely hurt his heart but you damaged his ego. I don't see a way to repair but divorce so that you both someday hopefully may come across a loving partner you both deserve.

Answer 6

Yes you should tell him and im sure you would want to know too if the shoe was on the other foot. You should never cheat just because you aren't being satisfied at home. It sucks and it is depressing that your hubby doesn't want to do much with you in that way ok i know what it's like but cheating is NOT the answer. You should find comfort by telling him he is making you feel unattractive by this not go off and cheat.

Answer 7

Yes, you should tell him and face the consequences. And you deserve to feel guilty. When you marry it is for better or for worse - erectile disfunction is part of for worse obviously, but it is not an excuse to sleep with someone else.

Answer 8

yeah easier said than done of course you should tell your husband but its really up to you and how you think it should be handled. If it was a one time thing and you really don't think he will ever find out, then keep your trap shut. Get your husband to the doctor fix his sex drive and get it on with the one you are supposed to.

Answer 9

Yes you should be honest with your husband and tell him what you have done. Honesty is the best policy here. If you do not tell him the guilt will end up eating you alive and you will have this terrible secret inside and it willl end up destroying you and your marriage.

Answer 10

please, don't. He seems to be a great man, and what good would it make you telling? If you want to get it off your chest talk to a priest, pastor or even counsellor. He might already be really affected by the ED and if you have realized it was a mistake and really going to refrain from doing it again, just shush.