This one is for the guys?

Question

I really need your opinion on this one guys. My husband used to have one helluva sex drive, meaning, he "rose to the occasion" in 2.2 seconds. Well, lately, it takes a little more work, if you know what i mean? He's only 32, and healthy. He says its stress at work and he's worried about things between me and him. We're recovering from the aftermath of an affair on his part, and he says he's so worried that one day I'm gonna wake up and realize I'd be happier without him than go through the pain of healing from what he did to me, and that adds stress to his life. The affair has been over for 6 months, and immediately after it, oddly enough, sex was great for us. Its almost like the affair made us recconnect. Please dont say he's banging her again and thats why he dont have any left for me, cuz I know thats not true. My question, given the history I have shared, is it possible his problem is stress or is he loosing interest in me?

Answer 1

It is a medical fact that stress can induce a lack of sex drive and even impotence in men. The same is true for women under extreme stress.

My advice...

Coddle him. If you have a truly heartfelt desire to save your marriage, you must make sure he knows that you're not going anywhere and that you've gotten past his infidelities. Reassure him that it's alright and that he's safe with you. Otherwise, reduce as much stress on him as possible.

Answer 2

From my own experience (I'm 50) he still loves you with all his heart. It could very well be work stress. It's had some adverse reactions on me in the past too. He also could be worrying about you leaving him but I don't think that has much to do with matters considering you are on here asking this question. Everyone is different but generally speaking, he might have gotten used to you in your love making. No big deal there. Introduce some things new into your sex life. Do something different but not kinky unless he likes that kind of thing. Do judge him harshly on his performance. It's just a phase that many guys go through. At one point I was taking that ephedrine stuff for my breathing but it was having a bad reaction with my sex life and it wasn't until I got off of it before I realized what it was.

There are too many things to cause this problem but enjoy what you have. It might take a little more to get it up but the out come is the end result and what you have done for him and he you.

Answer 3

Hi,

Well, kudos to you for asking a sincere question and really trying to figure out why the marital satisfaction seems to be waning.

Firstly, if he had an affair, he felt something was missing in his life. If that thing wasn't addressed for him (i.e., within him, or in your relationship, or in his personal life), then he'll still need to seek out something else to mask it or fulfill himself.

Sex was probably great for you immediately after the affair because you were both really vulnerable (i.e., more intimate energy, greater connection).

If he doesn't have health issues that are having an impact on sexual drive, then try to engage him on how everything in his life is doing (including his relationship with you).

Have the goal of, "What can we do to get him happier, more passionate, and more fulfilled in life."

Part of it may be how you and he relate, so be willing to talk about some tough stuff.

When he's happier with the entirety of his life, his sex drive will come back in full force (and when he's happier, you'll be happier too).

Answer 4

I use to see alot of this when i was fully involved being a mental health counselor. Given his age and perhaps his stress level, and what he's thinking he did to you. This is more than likely a combination of all of the issues you mentioned. However, when one is highly stressed it can effect the health. You might consider having him go in and have a full medical checkup. Some men start needing the little blue pill as early as late 20's. If he needs those type of pills for erectile dysfunction, you can order those online from the only licensed pharmacy in the united states authorized by law to sell online. www.quikmed.com.

Sometimes we guys' won't admit when we need a little extra help in getting things to rise to the occassion and stay there long enough to get the job done.

Answer 5

Hmm... I guess I should say this first and foremost - you are a better woman than I am. You seem to be consecrated to the relationship and determined to make it work considering the circumstances. So that said, I guess if he is telling you that he is worried that you will eventually realize that he's no good for you ("that you are going to wake up and realize that you would be happier without him"), I would constantly reassure him that that is not the case and that you are determined to heal and make things better. That should handle half of it.

Answer 6

sex for couples are a two way process ma'am. if he is indeed stressed out you can intiate the romance. women need to be creative at times to lit the fire. men like your husband may need some spice like a very nice massage or a little hot shower together once in a while. Be creative and spark some fire. don't let it die or you will both end up unhappy and dissatisfied. bonnèe courage

Answer 7

It's both the stress and the fear of loosing you. I don't think he's loosing interest in you I think he still feels a deep remorse for what he did and perhaps he fears too that one day you just might tell him it's over. I too became the unfaithfull one in my marriage, due to a few reasons, I came clean and told my wife and feared for the worst. I even had the bags packed in case she sent me packing. And sure I was stressed that whole week trying to get the courage to tell her.

Answer 8

Yes, stress effects a man's ability to "rise to the occasion" as well as his sex drive. So, no it doesn't mean he is getting somewhere else again. He just has a lot on his mind.

Answer 9

Stress could very well be the issue. He could be feeling so much guilt about what he did that he is having a hard time with you intimately now. That is what happened to me. We went to counseling and got everything fixed. It took awhile but he is afraid of losing you too...that is a big thing for a man to admit...

Answer 10

Stress could very well be affecting performance. I was under a lot of stress a while ago and it really hindered my performance. Maybe see if there is some way to help him with his stress.