how can i get him back??

Question

Hey, my bf broke up with me a week and a half ago cos i lied to him about my past and he "caught me". i wrote him an email explaining everything, i only lied cos i know ive changed and regret everything i did an didnt want anything to affect our relationship. i spent a week without knowing anything bout him, i phoned him only twice, cos i didnt wana b annoying, but he didnt pick up. on friday night he phoned me(bit drunk) and basically said that he didnt wana be with me cos he didnt trust me and doesnt wana suffer anymore and that he doesnt like wat i did in the past and he thinks im still the same. spoke to him on saturday again. ive told him that im not the same person anymore, that is why i lied to him, i also said that im sorry for lying i do know ive a commited an error. we said that we were gona b friends and i told him i want to show him that im not the person he thinks. i havent spoken to him since. i really love this guy and wana b with him. what should i do now???

when i spoke to him on saturday he mentioned a bet we had, and that i owe him a dinner. so yesterday night i decided to text him and told him if he still wanted to have dinner with, and to phone me if he accepts... He hasnt phoned or anything yet. have i done the right thing? is it too early?

Answer 1

hello

sounds like you're in a pickle.

it's hard when you really like someone, and don't want things to end.

this probably isn't the answer you're looking for but you possibly need to keep some perspective, and some self respect.

remember that the most important person in your life is you, and you shouldn't devalue yourself for someone else. if someone can't accept you for what you are, warts & all, then they're not worth knowing ... and certainly not worth expending any energy over.

from what you're describing you're basically saying that you're a good person who's prepared to put some effort in for this guy, if he was worth that effort then he'd at least do you the courtesy of hearing you out, and giving you a chance. if he felt the same way as you then even if he was struggling to come to terms with your "past" he would be doing his best to put it aside and focus on who you are now, your past has nothing to do with him.

you may be ashamed of some things you've done in the past, but everyone has things they're not proud of ... i know i have, but i learned from my mistakes and am a better person for it. some may frown on some of my misadventures but it's not for them to judge, and it's their loss to miss out on my company.

if you really feel you can't let it go then give it a few days, perhaps until the weekend, and give him one last chance. let him know that it's him who's missing out, he's no right to judge you on your past as it's none of his business, and a mature person would respect you for who you are and based their opinions on how you are towards them, and nothing else. otherwise just let it go and let some other lucky guy have the benefit of your company.

i'm sure that hasn't helped at all. sorry.

Answer 2

He hinted at dinner but then backed off again. Perhaps he doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about him and is using the past indescretion or your reasons for not being truthful as an excuse. If he does want to see you again, make sure it's not just a one last time booty call, guys will do that. If he cares about you and is willing to take another chance with his feelings, then it will happen on his time and you need to demonstrate that you are a changed person while you wait patiently. Don't ever lie to this man again, no matter how painful the truth might be. Trust is everything in a relationship and should not be taken lightly. Again, if he really cares about you, it will happen. Good luck.

Answer 3

What can I tell you. If he cannot except you for who you are, and will always hold your past against you. it's a loosing battle and you might want to move on to someone that is more understanding. We are all human, we make mistakes. that is how we grow and learn, and, obviously, you have.
Whatever happened, it's not who you are anymore, and if you two have been together for any length of time he should know this.
He might just be angry that you lied, not about the past itself. In that case the only thing you can do for now is back of TOTALLY. do not call, do not text FOR ANY REASON.
Let him have some space and time to think things over. In the mean while, keep yourself occupied in any way you can, POSITIVELY. Work out, take a course, feel and look your best.
if he is the one for you, he will come around. If not. well, you will find someone else. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Depends on what you lied about. And what getting "caught" means.

If you blatantly lied to him outright after being asked a direct question and then got busted, then you don't deserve a second chance. Chalk it up to experience and move on.

Answer 5

men use all kinds of excuses to break up and end it. sometimes it really has very little to do with anything we have done, has more to do with what they want in life. if he loved u he would not be bothered and he would want to talk it out, he just doesn't want to be with u, so he is using this as an excuse to make u believe it is all your fault. quit being so hard on yourself, this is about him he is just trying to make excuses.

Answer 6

i think he's trying to tell you it's over that's probally an excuse to break up if he loved you he wouldn't hold the past agaisn't you he may have a bad past hisself for all you know

Answer 7

dont' get with him you are done hes a drinker and that is bad he'll probably end up beating you up if you aren't careful its trust is gone and that is it.

Answer 8

Drink some coffee loser