I feel kind of weird asking everyone this, but i kind of need a bunch of opinions. I am 20 years old. when i was 14 i was sexually assulted. I never told anyone and 1 year after it happened, the guy who did it was in a car crash and he died. because of that, i resolved that i would keep it a secret from my family thinking that the only thing telling them would do is bring them pain. While the only person i have never been able to hide it from is my boyfriend who i have been with for 8 months now. he figured it out on his own just by getting to know me. latly he has been trying to get me to tell my family what happened. i think he thinks it will make me feel better. if you were me, after all this time, would you tell them? i don't want to hurt them but it has always hurt me to keep it a secret . especially from my mother with whom i have a very strong relationship.
2007-02-06 08:28:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Wow, you have had to deal with this burden for all these years? That must have been extremely hard to not only deal with being assaulted but then to feel like you had to keep this a secret. I am sorry for what happened to you. You didn't deserve to have that happen. I believe that it is entirely up to you whether you want to talk about this with your family. Only you know whether it can help you or not. I don't think you should keep it a secret based just on the fact that you don't want to hurt them. You have to do what you have to do to heal from this pain. And if telling them and talking it out and crying helps you, then do it. I'm sure your family wouldn't want YOU in pain anymore. You did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of - please tell someone and get the help you need. Allow this pain to be released ok? Even if it's not your family, please get yourself some help.
Good luck and please reach out if you need to talk to someone.
2007-02-06 08:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by Becks723 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me when I was 15 by a member of my family. I am now 25. After ten years the pain is still there. Its something that will never go away. Do I think you should tell your mom? That is something that youre going to have to decide for yourself. I didn't tell my mom. I just didn't want to see her in as much pain as I was in. After ten years I have no regrets on not telling her. It does get better. Best of luck to you
2007-02-06 09:16:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yes, please tell your family. They will do anything it takes to support you and help you come to terms with what happened. The pain that they would feel if you NEVER told them is greater than the pain that you *think* that they would feel if you did tell them. It would not cause them pain to know about it now. But, it would crush them to know that you did not share this -- particularly with your mother. You don't have to line them all up and say: "I have something to say to you all." Just start by confiding in your mother. She will help you to keep or share whatever you want to keep or share. Tell your family -- I know that it would make me feel a lot better and we've only just met! Good luck.
2007-02-06 08:37:58 · answer #3 · answered by Shibi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you do decide to tell them it must be your decision, not because your boyfriend thinks it might make you feel better. Whilst it is noble to try to protect your family from the pain of knowing you are denying them the opportunity to support you. You need to decide what you would wish to achieve by telling them. If you think it might help you get closure, then it's a good thing. If it's hurting you to continue to keep it secret, maybe it's time to tell your Mother. As a Mother myself, I'd want to know. Whatever you decide I wish you luck, and closure.
2007-02-06 08:36:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would call an abuse hotline and ask them what they think you should do. They are trained professionals and can tell you- i personally feel that if you don't think it will help the situation then why bother, but if it will take a burden off of your shoulders then yes you should. You don't have to make a public broadcast- just tell the person you want to tell and be done with it. If you think they won't believe you then there is something wrong with them. they should know that you already know this won't change what happened but you need to get it off your shoulders
2007-02-06 09:00:40 · answer #5 · answered by tlimsisnw7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you went through that. I understand. I have a secret too. No one knows to this day, and I plan on keeping it that way. That is MY choice. Different people need different things. I think you should listen to yourself, not your boyfriend. Tell your mom/ family if you think it'll help you heal. Don't ever do it because someone else thinks you should. The best advice I can give you is to ask a counselor. Through a counselor's help, you can learn who to tell/not tell. More importantly, how to handle it in your mind.
2007-02-06 08:41:23 · answer #6 · answered by shopsalot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is all up to you. If I were in your shoes and I was really close to my mom. I would tell her. That's what mom's are there for, to support and make you feel better. I think it will make you feel better that your mom knows and can understand and give you advice whenever you need any. Just my opinion. However, if you want to keep it to yourself, that is fine too! Whatever your heart tells you and you will know when the time is right!!!
2007-02-06 08:39:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath and confess the truth. Whatever happen let it be. Afterwards take a new breathe, give yourself a pat in the back, leave it all behind, don't let the same thing happen again, and move on.
2007-02-06 08:44:08 · answer #8 · answered by anna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your boyfriend should not push you into telling anyone... This is something that you need to deal with on your own. When you are ready to tell your family you will.
2007-02-06 08:33:40 · answer #9 · answered by Prissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think thats your choice. It may hurt your mother when you tell her but how much would it hurt her to know your keeping something from her?
2007-02-06 08:34:11 · answer #10 · answered by **Red** 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋