How can I get over broken engagement?

Question

I just broke off my engagement with my fiancee, i think she has a bipolar disorder and drug addiction. She has been arrested for passing fake prescritions in the past and then my brother accused her of stealing prescripts from their house. no one saw her do it but there was no one else there and i never told them about her past so i do think it is a very possible action on her part.

it hurts me to break up like this, she denies it all but this is part of the drug addict..they are liars and thieves. my whole family hates her and i think her parents probably hate me now too..too much hate going around, this should be a happy time..i didnt do anything wrong but i know to marry someone with these problems will lead to big issues down the road. i was a fool to ask her to get married but now i feel like i have hurt her and her whole family by doing what it right..advising her to get help and breaking it off.

What can i do to get over this?

Thanks

Answer 1

I have been in a similiar situation, but I was the unstable girlfriend. I can't say that I reached the point that your girlfriend did, but my drinking was getting out of control and I was addicted to my sleeping pills. I am very serious when I say that the only thing that made me seek help and change my life was my fiancee dumping me. He was nice at the time of breakup, but then he completely severed all ties between us. It was excruciating at the time, but looking back, a year and a half later, I see that he handled the situation in the best possible way. I think that severing all ties is good for awhile to help you both to move on, and to keep her from manipulating you (which trust me, she will), but please don't give up on her forever. People can get better. You two could have a very healthy friendship in the future. People that experience such things in their life and come out on the other side are good friends to have - going to treatment taught me that.

P.S. Her family will be upset - that's natural. But, when they see her improve because of the breakup (if she chooses to), they'll change their tune.

Answer 2

Ai man, very though. I think you did the right thing though it's understandable she (and family) hates you now. When would the 2 of you got married? Do you plan to stay in contact somehow? Her past is very much against her, although there is always the possibility she says the true. And the missing prescripcions are a mistery.
With all negative feeling, keep one thing for eyes, she is responsable for her own life. Her happiness should not depend upon you alone. It her task to grow and become a complete person, with whatever fault she might have made in the past. I supose you are not into drugs yourself, ifso, get out and try something else.. Don't feel guilty. If the two of you belong together, life will bring you back together. For now, don't focuse on the bad moods, go on with your life. Don't spend all your energy in making everybody agree with your acts. It will keep you away from more important things. And indeed this time should be a happy one, a sorrowless one.
So I think you did right. I cannot think very concrete what to do to get over it, time, i guess.
regards

Answer 3

You should not feel guilty because you have chosen not to live in misery. You did what is right for you and I don't blame you one bit. A person like that will only drag you down with them. Don't let it get to you. If your ex is truely that hurt then she should try to get help for her problem. If her family is hurt, explain that you don't need that added to all the other problems that are involved with the first year of marriage. There is nothing wrong with you not wanting to marry and addicted liar. Bottom line, you need to do what is going to make you happy. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 4

Well, she's been arrested for something relating to her problem.. so obviously she has one... in the end all a person can really do is look out for themself. If you can forsee problems in the future before the marriage has even occurred, it's best to go the route you have. Don't cut her off completely if you still have feelings for her.. tell her that you are possibly willing to pick up later on "AFTER" she has recieved help for her problems. As for her family, I can understand your concern over hurting them too in the process.. especially if you usually get along well with them.. but you aren't marrying her family are you? You would be the one dealing with your fiancee and all the problems that comes along with her... good luck to you. I hope you find happiness soon.

Answer 5

Think of your life as a timeline. There are very few people that are with us from birth until death. Imagine finding someone and having a loving, long marriage. This broken engagement will be a "blip" on the timeline. You clearly made the right choice! You should pat yourself on the back for saving yourself from many years of grief. I don't think you'll make people angry for long, they'll get over it. Just imagine how upset they would be if this was a divorce instead.

I'd suggest that you make a clean break, don't spend any more time talking or seeing her. It sounds like you dodged a very dangerous situation. Good luck!

Answer 6

I always wonder how screwed up women like this get men to propose to them? Look you did it for your own good. It's really hard to be with someone with a mental illness. It's beyond hard. If she has a drug addiction the best thing you did was get away. You can wait and see what happens, I know you probably worry about her, but reach out to your family and friends and tell them although you knew it was the best thing for you, it still hurts.

Answer 7

I can't imagine how hard this is for all of you. I just say be glad that you made this decision before you went ahead and got married. As hard as it was I think you made the right decison. The only thing that will make this better for any of you is time to heal. Just be careful and don't jump into another relationship too soon. Take some time to really get to know yourself and what you want and need from a relationship. That will keep you from making this mistake again. I wish you luck.

Answer 8

I think you did the right thing. You can't be with someone just because you are scared of hurting them. Tell her to get help for her drug problems and then maybe you can try again some day. Or move on and find someone that doesn't have drug issues in the first place.

Answer 9

Sounds like you're pretty well over it, other than feeling guilty for breaking it off. You did the best thing for both of you. Hopefully she'll clean up, get help and realize that you did her a big favor in breaking off the engagement and encouraging her to get help.

Answer 10

Keep busy, concentrate on your life and what you need to do, and if a thought of your fiance comes into your head, think about the bad things not the good things, you'll get it over it in time.