Having a baby or not?

Question

I am 6 weeks pregnant by my boyfriend who I have been with for 4 months and my divorce from my ex husband is not yet final? However I am not sure if I am over my husband he wants me back we have been separated for almost 3 years but talking and were intimate up until I met my current boyfriend. I have 2 kids by my ex husband ages 15 and 9. My boyfriend is wonderful and supportive but I am terrified of having another baby. He has been trying to rush my divorce and started talking about marriage. I told him I didn't want to get married just because I was pregnant and he assured me that he wanted to marry me before he knew I was pregnant. My problem is if I try again with my husband he wants me to abort this baby and if I stay with my boyfriend and have the baby and it doesnt work I can never go back to my ex husband with this baby. What should I do?

Answer 1

Don't make the boyfriend husband decision until you resolve the outcome of the baby. Whether you keep him/her or adopt him/her. Don't abort the baby, you might regret it.

Answer 2

That sounds like a difficult situation. I think the first thing you need to do, this very minute, is decide what will ultimately make you happy. Not your ex-husband, nor you current boyfriend, but just you. What do you want for yourself? What decision will make you proud of yourself? You have to stop thinking in terms of what other people want ("My ex wants me back"..."My boyfriend wants to get married") and do some soul-searching and find out what YOU want. Only you know if a new baby will fit into your life. Once you decide what to do about that, then worry about your love life. Honestly, it doesn't sound like it is meant to be with your ex. If you've been split from him for three years, there is probably a good reason. And I think if he TRULY loved you, he would never push you to have an abortion. As for your boyfriend, only you can say if he's a good guy for you. My advice would be to take some alone time to think about this, don't settle, and follow your gut instinct. Oh, and I am pro-choice, but please don't abort the baby just because there's a slim chance you might want to get back with your ex in the future. Don't let him be the deciding factor. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

I'm not in favor of aborting the baby. The baby should not have to pay a price due to your mistake.

I have 2 kids and my wife can no longer have children. I would love to have more but I'm not sure what my options are.

Please add adoption to your list of "what to do". There are so many loving people who would love to adopt.

You left your husband for a reason. I doubt trying again with your husband you will find resolution. There seems to me to be some hostility in your writing. Don't give in to your husband, you will regret it and hate yourself for it.

I also don't think you want this boyfriend long term. If you did, you would not be thinking about being so lost.

I would say, you need to be alone for a bit to figure out what you want to do. Do not stay with a man for security. Find a man you can be with. You'll be happier in a healthy relationship.

I wish you the best on your decision.

Answer 4

If your ex-husband truely wants you back, he will accept the baby as part of you, even though it is from another man. The thing you need to consider is why your marriage went bad in the first place. After all, you already tried with your ex once and it didn't work, why would it work a 2nd time? If you love your current boyfriend and you like being with him, go with him, if your not sure, stay as you are till you feel what is right.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear this news but its really up to you. I have to say if your husband wanted you back as you say he does then why didn't he want you to Begin with? He's been out of the pic for 3 yrs except the see the kids I'm sure and he told you if you do get back he wants you to kill a life a life your bf wants to have, I have to say have the baby and then its two choice you have deal with give it up or keep it. I'm sorry to be hard but you knew sleeping with your bf would cause a baby (if not using protection) now you want your bf to loss out on being a father to a child he wants to have just because you cant let go of your ex. Think on this has your ex been with others too? If so how do you know he will break it off with them to be with you? Ask these Q's to your self and the answer will come and as for your bf wanted to merry you just keep telling him your not ready and that he can and will be part of the babies life. As for your ex don't let him give you either or choices love is love and its strong no matter the issue. good luck praying for you...

Answer 6

You actually want to go back with a man who cares more about his own pride (not raising another man's baby) than your emotional or physical welfare, or the well being of your unborn child? I feel pity for all of you. Your boyfriend at least sounds like a stand up kind of guy. Next time you aren't sure you want a baby, try birth control. And, consider adoption. If you are raising and influencing your children it will only lead to more people like you, who have no sense of responsibility or long term consequences- which is frightening. Let someone intelligent, who has a loving home and a sense of dignity adopt your poor baby and give it a life you could never possibly give it.

Answer 7

Don't look past tomorrow. You made your bed, lie in it.

One way or the other, you're not going to be able to avoid any marital strife over this. And if you're afraid of the relationship with the new boyfriend not working out, where was this fear when you decided to seperate from your husband?

Personally, if you weren't absolutely sure that you wanted to divorce your husband, you shouldn't have left. If you weren't absolutely sure that the relationship with the boyfriend was going to work out, you shouldn't have gotten involved with him.

Either way, sounds like you got a lotta thinking to do on this. I wouldn't abort the baby though. That's just wrong in my opinion.

Answer 8

If i was you i would decide whats best for you and your baby...don't make your decisions based on your ex or your current boyfriend...do you really want this baby? if you do then why would you consider throwing an innocent baby away just to be with your ex...he seems like a selfish bastard to even suggest aborting your baby cause its not his...obviously you left him the first time for good reasons so why would you go back to someone who would even suggest you to do such a thing with your precious baby...and your current boyfriend does want the baby and you have 2 other children from your ex, your boyfriend don't tell you to give them up for adoption or to your ex does he? i think you have a good thing now with your current boyfriend hopefully you dont throw what you have away...if i was you i wouldn't go back to the ex and throw my baby away for someone like him, but thats just my opinion

Answer 9

If you dont' want to be with your bf then end it.
You have to choose ex hubby or bf first.
Then there is the option of adoption. Find a loving couple who seek to have a baby.
This is a little disturbing, about abortion for i may not be able to have a baby. There are people who would love that baby.
You ex can except that if you decide to give birth. he should support that decision.
good luck

Answer 10

You will have to tell your soon to be ex that you are pregnant from someone else. He just may change his mind about reconnecting with you. You should have used protection since you are not divorced. You should decide who you want to be with first of all. Grow up and make a decision. You made enough bad choices already.

Answer 11

I can only say what I would do... I would abort the baby and get on birth control a.s.a.p. I wouldn't get back with an ex (if I wanted to be with the man, he would not be an "ex"). Things with the b/f would probably go sour, but it would be ok being that I didn't really want to be with him or marry him anyway. In other words, I would start over being my own person, and then see what comes my way. Do what feels right to you, NOT what other people want you to do. Good luck.