Ladies, please help a good married guy with a question...?

Question

My wife of 2 years is making me very confused. I love her very much..she has a child from a previous marriage and we have a son together who's 1. Ever since the birth of our son, our sex life has gone to almost nothing. I do everything I can to show her interest and do nice things for her constantly..leave roses on the bed, on her car, make a bubble bath for her and then lead her upstairs to relax while I take care of the kids. She is a stay at home mom and I work full time and make a decent living. Can any of the ladies out there give me a heads up as to how I can get her back into me?

And I have talked to her...on many occasions.

Answer 1

the child is 1 yr old? maybe she is lacking in good vitamens, iron.
make sure she is having a healthy diet and plenty of rest. she might be stressed worn down, depressed, etc. first check her diet and make sure that her hormones arent out of whack.
pregnancy, breastfeeding, little kids can wear some women down and they dont even know it. good luck peace

Answer 2

Well big guy, I'm not a lady answering but it appears the romance approach is not working.
Is she on birth control? This might be a subconscious effort to not get pregnant.
Are you sure there is not a physical component? Have you talked to the GYN.
Does she think there is a problem here or are you just oversexed to her?

I think it is important to continue to romance but there could be more at work here than meets the eye.
If this is a result of the mother not lover attitude it will be a tough change. Worse yet it could be plain indifference. Does it not strike you as odd that she had a kid with another guy and is split up. Why did that happen. Does the attitude change with childbirth?
You are going to have to figure out the root cause instead of chasing the symptoms.

Answer 3

I am the mother of three small children and until recently I was a stay at home mom. Have you ever thought about how she feels after a long day with the kids. They probably call her name a million times a day, not to mention touching and pulling all over her all day. So at night maybe she just wants peace of mind. The problem could also be with her. Maybe she needs a part time job or something. Ya know a little break. You're doing everything right. I wish my fiance was more like you. Just talk to her. There is a bigger issue going on than you think. Good luck

Answer 4

You are romantic and certainly take the time to revive the marriage, however, children change your sex life! Yes, they do and you can never get back what you had before, as you now are responsible for a little one 24x7. Think about it how can you really be the same as you have to listen out for the baby at night and, must be ready to jump up when they have a problem.It's very hard for a mother to be the same wife she was before the baby!
Soooooooo it's not you at all! It's a new life now, new baby, and a big change and less privacy. You'll have to make the best of it!
It's all an adjustment and you will adjust to the new lifestyle, we all do.

Answer 5

I think this is an enormously common problem. It sounds like you are very supportive and caring. There could be a number of things going on with her. For one, her hormones are at different levels than they were previously--which can kill a person's libido, so that will take time to work itself out. Also, physical intimacy of any kind is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. So, caring for a child and an infant will leave most women needing physical space at the end of the day. If you have been talking you probably know this.

It sounds like you have probably already discussed this issue, and hopefully she understands that you have needs for intimacy too. You need to work out some sort of compromise where your needs are met, and she is not overwhelmed. In fact, maybe she is the one who should be asking people questions of how to handle this situation. I suggest going to a couple's counselor. Or, if she is involved in a group of new mothers (or could join one) she could probably get advice from other women in the group on how to meet both of your needs. Like I said, this is a common problem. Hang in there--it does get better.

Answer 6

I agree, talk to her, but keep doing what you're doing as well. Sometimes after the birth of a child it can take a long time for a woman to get back to her normal hormone level. Especially if she breastfed. It might just be some leftover postpartum depression, but it sounds to me like you are a wonderful, caring husband, so I'm sure that if you sit her down and find out what's going on, you'll find a way to fix it! And she'll be impressed that you gave her so much effort!

Answer 7

all i can say is that is probably hormones. my son is 8 months old and i am the same way to an extent, however, i work 40+ hours a week and my husband stays home. (and he does NOT do all the things you are trying) I would just sit her down and explain to her that part of mens need in a marriage is sex. tell her that if any of her needs are not being met, you would do everything possible to fix that. and your needs are not being met and you expect her to do what she can to fix that. 1 year is enough time (no matter how traumatic the delivery) to heal and recuperate. she just needs a jump start back into the habbit.

Answer 8

That's a tough one. You sound like you are doing a great job! It's her that has the problem, obviously, women are weird. Have you ever thought about taking her away for the weekend? Or recreating your first date, or any special day? Maybe a little lip action, if you know what I mean. Buy her some sexy lingerie. You are the one who married her, you know what she likes better than anyone on here does. How did you snag her in the first place? You did it once, I'm sure you can do it again! Have fun.

Answer 9

Ask her out on a date ,take her out of the house!!!! weve been together for 8 years with 2 little ones and once a month we have a DATE sounds corny but getting out of the house and away from the kids is great,it doesnt have to be expensive, dinner,and a movie is my favorite,no food to cook no mess to clean no kids complaining about the food and a whole movie without interuptions is a great night out,nana and papas make great babysitters and are cheap!!Good luck

Answer 10

Maybe she is suffering from low self esteem, many times when women don't feel attractive they will stray away from intimacy, because of their negative self image. It sounds like you are doing a good job of making her feel loved. I would tell her that you feel she is being distant. But follow that you love her very much and want to make her happy and that you feel that right now she is not fulfilled. Hopefully this will open then door of communication and you can work through the issues. Honestly the best way to deal with the situation is to confront it. Other wise things will just fester and you are going to feel unloved and possibly ruin a good relationship.

Answer 11

It may not necessarily be that she's not "into" you anymore, but that she needs to actually get out of the house once in a while. You mentioned some of the nice things you do for her, but do you ever take her out on a romantic date? You should take her to the nicest restaurant you can afford on a Friday or Saturday, leave the kids with a babysitter for the entire night, maybe rub her thigh under the table (sexy but discreet), and afterwords take her to a nice hotel where you have the entire night to yourselves, she doesn't have to worry about cleaning up, and you both can sleep in.