SINCE Memory
In the temple of your body,
within the innermost parts of your heart,
remnants of my love resides.
Haunting you.
Appearing before you
like a shattered mirror,
showing fragments of you,
yet denying you completion.
Then will you remember me
You will hear my voice.
The sweet timbre of a siren song
muffled by your own selfishness.
You shall recall my touch.
Feel the imprint of a steady hand
long released.
Taste the bitter wine of regret
fermented in your bosom.
Let the vapors permeate to your nostrils.
Breath the memories of us.
Go beyond the simplicity of thought...
Because,
from now on
I will be a love everlasting,
tormenting you.
Even your five senses.
2007-02-06 07:31:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Professor of Creative Writing (college level)
i never tell my students whether or not i like the poem they submit. i meet with each student to discuss:
theme, plot, figurative/literal language, purpose, mood, etc. as we examine each literary concept; that's where most students become aware of the success or failure of their piece.
you're asking for a score. the best i can give this sample is 4.
it reeks of James Blunt's music. some of your words are outdated, too melancholy, or not appropriate to the mood of the poem.
2007-02-06 09:06:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like your poem and I don't think that it's a "creepy stalker poem" at all. You have some excellent words in here and you really use description and you can really feel what the overall tone of the poem is supposed to be. I think that this girl would be happy to know that you wrote such a nice poem about her. Good luck, I hope that you are able to talk to her one day.
2016-05-24 00:25:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not keen, sorry. Overblown, pretentious, lacking in style and structure, and melodramatic. You need to proof-read things before you show them to people- there are grammatical errors in here (should be 'remnants of my love reside' and 'Breathe the vapours...' ). It's too lyrical but I can see what you're trying to say. I think you should take this as a first draft and redraft it several times because you have an idea that you could develop with some more work.
2007-02-06 08:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by greenbean 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like most garbage poetry (and this isn't poetry) it stinks to high heaven! This is against Yahoo TOS. And frankly, you sound in need of mental health help!
2007-02-06 07:54:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dark and very well written.9 out of 10.
2007-02-06 07:40:07 · answer #5 · answered by gia b 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
U and one of my friends write alike (kinda same topic) lol but I seem to like yours better Its good
2007-02-06 10:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sort of creepy, but it is also well-written. 4/5
2007-02-06 08:01:53 · answer #7 · answered by hen_pow99 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Excellent Poem, But consider changing the name! Wow what talent, what insight! Props to you! Keep writing you have talent!
2007-02-06 07:42:05 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Sparkling♥Jules♥ 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
wow. ur an excellent writer
2007-02-06 07:43:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋