What do I do if my foreign wife says she wants to go home after 5 years married and a 2 year old daughter?

Question

We've been really happily married but she says she cant fit in in UK and also that I dont earn enough and she likes beautiful things - Ive done everything to make it work I can think of, i do a day job which pays £40k, a Sunday job that pays £10k more, I run property that brings in £25k and Im building up a network marketing business.
When Im not working Im looking after my daughter (7-10 every night), or taking them out on weekends or evenings. In the meantime she doesnt work except as mother, has my mother in law doing 3/4 of the mothering anyway as she lives with us, she has learnt some english but its a battle to get her to do a couple of hours study a month, and shes made zero Uk friends in 5 years (just about 3 from her native country)

Despite that we do get on fantastically, we are really massively in love (and im not dellusional - i promise) , but i dont see how i can earn any more - what do i do?

Answer 1

it sounds to me that in your relationship she says jump and you say how high. A good relationship is give and take, but she seems to take and you seem to give. You need to talk to her and be a bit firmer with her about your feelings and what this is doing to you. She is never going to settle in the uk if she doesn't make any effort.

Answer 2

Perhaps you should sit down with your wife and have a serious talk. It sounds like you are working so much (bravo to you for trying to make your wife happy!!!), but it could be you that she is missing. She probably sees how hard you work, and how much time you put into keeping her happy, spending time with your child (again, bravo! - seriously).

She could be overwhelmed by taking care of a child and learning a new language. She could feel really isolated. I know about that, because I live in a German speaking country and am learning the language - it is hard to find friends when you don't speak the language of the country that you live in. It can be hard and mentally exhausting - then add a small chlid into the mix. Sounds pretty challanging.

To me, it sounds like she needs to make do with what you do provide for her. Ask her what it is that she wants - a bunch of stuff to look at, which really doesn't matter - or a better relationship with her husband... If she is so focused on material objects, ask her if she could live with having a surprise or gift (something beautiful, and also something to look forward to), every once in a while - bimonthly or once a month, instead of all of the time.

Ask her, also, if it is really about the jobs, money, and beautiful things, or if it is about moving back to her home.

If she is in love with you in the way that you are in love with her, she should understand that you do work hard and that you want to stay with her and make her happy. Maybe she doesn't really understand the value of money and the expense of the things that you are expected to provide to her. Sit her down with your budget and with the specifics of your income... she might think that you are not being honest with her about the bills and costs and all of that.

Above all, be patient with her. Even though it has been 5 years, it is still a huge change for her.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Wow! It sounds like you two have been through a lot. ........well I can quote to you a couple of Scriptures about marriage and how strong Jehovah God feels about vows. When married couples say their vows, their promising to one another that they will fulfill them until death due them apart. Jehovah God view vows and promises very seriously. A vow or promise should not be taken so lightly especially within a marriage. That's how marriages fall apart and people get hurt. "To the married people I give instructions, yet not I but the Lord, that a wife should not depart from her husband; (11) but if she should actually depart, let her remain unmarried or else make up again with her husband; and a husband should not leave his wife."-1 Corinthians 7:10, 11. These are the words of the apostle Paul. This is how serious Jehovah God views marriage. A mate cannot leave each other. If they do they must make up. If not make up than remain unmarried unless for the grounds on fornication. If your husband is a faithful Christian he should know this. A man is supposed to stick to his wife. " That is why a man will leave his father and his mother and he must to his wife and they must become one flesh."-Genesis 2:24. Once a couple marries they go off and live on their own depending on each other for love, support, and etc. Married couples stick to their mates. Whether their separated or married they must stick to each other. But the only time a mate can leave her husband or husband leaves her is on grounds of fornication. Malachi 2:16 says Jehovah God "has hated a divorcing." If you do move back to the U.S.A try speaking to one of the Jehovah Witnesses in the area about marriage, separation, and divorcing. They will be glad to help you out from the Scriptures and look at it God's way and not someone else opinions. Stay strong!!!!!

Answer 4

Well if she can hardly speak any english, then how are you going to even work in her country making an even bigger salary that you have now with nobody knowing what you are saying?! It seems like you wife is lazy, doesn't take care of her kids as much as she should and doesn't know how hard making money is. Kick your mother in law out so your wife can do her job, every other mother with a child and no job can do it, so why can't she? My mom learned english before I was even born.

Answer 5

You're doing too much of the work and your wife needs to get off her backside and help more.

Where is she from? Also what are the UK laws on citizenship? I don't mean to put a dark cloud over your relationship but I know of a few marriages that have ended here in the US not long after the spouse who was not American, got their green card to stay here. It sucks, but it does happen. Your wife could love you but this could be her ultimate goal.

Above all you need to talk to her and tell her that you're doing the best you can and she needs to realize that there are more important things in life than having lots of "beautiful things".

Answer 6

I think she is rather taking you for a ride my friend and i think you would be wise to let her go back to her native country I note you say you love her and you get along fine but how can you say that you can hardly have time to spend with her so I think a compromise has to be sorted and you will be living a far easier life without her and i think there would be an English woman out there to be more respectful to you as you sound a good guy so you deserve a good woman

Answer 7

Would you be happy to move back home with her?

I realise this is terrible when you have a young daughter but she sounds very lazy and unwilling to compromise. Your mother-in-law lives with you too you say, would she be taking her mum back with her? Does she really mean it about moving back? It sounds to me like shes got a good thing going on with you, so I doubt she'd be very willing to leave it!

I wish you a lot of luck, hopefully you can sort this out, maybe if she took your daughter to a mother and toddler group she'd meet people in a similar situation.

Answer 8

I am at a loss, it doesn't sound like she really loves you I am sorry to say. If she did she wouldn't think of leaving you. You sound like a great guy who does nothing but work for her and your family, what has she done? She needs to step up and learn english take a class get involved and you can stop her from taking your daughter far away.

Answer 9

Perhaps she loves money more than she does you. What you do and make would probably be enough for most women but your wifey wants more. Tell her asss to get a job and contribute so she can get the beautiful things she wants. She is selfish and will realize that when its too late.

Answer 10

If you are so massively in love, she would be happy to be with you even if you didn't earn what you do. Face it, she is in love with money. Don't kill yourself trying to make more money for her sake. I suppose you are supporting your mother-in-law also. You need to pack her bags (don't forget moms bags) and tell her she can come visit the child occasionally. You'll be much happier.