If he had an affair and left her for another woman - is doing her favours a way to help lessen the guilt? She does not ask him for much but when she does ask - he usually jumps. They do have kids. But the favours do not involve the kids. How much contact is normal between exs?
2007-02-06 07:13:04 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you the 'other woman'?
2007-02-06 07:15:25 · answer #1 · answered by Geico Caveman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there is no such thing as "normal" contact between ex's who have children tying them. I would think that "acceptable" would be a more fitting term, as there are definitely lines that should not be crossed. Contact with or about the children is a must, in order to maintain a healthy environment. However, speaking about the relationship between the two personally, lines become fuzzy, and is left up to the individuals involved, which also includes those currently in a relationship with that person.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you speak about him lessening the guilt because of his wrongdoings in the past.
I used to work with a man who was divorced and remarried. They were divorced because she had a problem being faithful. They also had children. However, I found this relationship to be interesting because his new wife and ex-wife were all but best friends, and everyone got along fabulously(at this point they had been divorced for ten years or so). It was a sight to behold, but not everyone can move on and just keep a platonic relationship with an ex (like that) afterward. Just thought I would put that in because I though it was unique, and to be honest, really refreshing.
You will know if someone is going out of bounds when dealing with the other parent in a past relationship - your main indicators being common sense and a gut feeling. Just try your best to be understanding, and if you feel uncomfortable, by all means talk to the person about it in a mature and civil manner.
Take care! :)
2007-02-06 15:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by polishedamethyst 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the breakup...Was it mutual? Or did they just divorce because of the affair? Possible guilt... Maybe there was no real closure. Men have affairs for different reasons. Are you the other woman? If you are then I am willing to bet that he stills loves his wife. As far as contact is concerned, they should be having daily contact. They have children to raise and if they were still married, he would be assisting in the daily lives of his children. You also have to accept the fact that there are children and he will forever be tied to this woman.
2007-02-06 15:39:43 · answer #3 · answered by kymmy_kins 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that when two people have been married and have had children together, they will always share a special bond with eachother. They know that they can count on eachother if they need help. So in some way, the man is probably thinking that by helping his ex-wife, he is helping himself, and his children. I don't think there is a norm for contact. My parents are divorced and they talk to eachother more than they talk to me. It is different for every family. Asking favours every once and awhile is not too bad, unless they involve things that will get this man in trouble with his current g/f or wife. Hope I shed some light.
2007-02-06 15:19:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a way for him to deal with the guilt of what he did by betraying and destroying his family. Maybe he is having real regret about what he did. Maybe now that it is too late he realizes he loves his wife and he should of never allowed himself to go for a homewrecker. If the wife hasn't moved on yet and still loves him and will forgive him then maybe the family could get back together again which would be the best thing for the kids, the husband's soul and the wife if and only if she still loves him and can forgive him.
2007-02-06 15:32:23 · answer #5 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The word "guilt" comes to mind. Absent the details of the breakup, he may be trying to patch up some rough spots he feels he created. As well, if she is the main caregiver of the kids, he definitley wants a cordial relationship with the ex, in order to maintain easy access to the kids.
2007-02-06 15:18:50 · answer #6 · answered by JackO07 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not sure without knowing what it is he 'jumps' for cuz u didnt say.
but helping the mother of his kids is a good thing. if she is at peace then it is a peaceful environment for his children.
not sure what the norm is for this, it would depend on how involved he is in his kids life, if the kids have lots of activities outside of school etc, if theyre ill, or she's ill and no other family or friend to help out. just remember when you marry someone with kids...you have to be concerned about your spouses concerns with some discretion. you didnt just marry one man..you married a man with children and an ex. accept it. peace
2007-02-06 15:18:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how long they've been divorced. If she is still on her own, and it hasn't been that long, then sometimes it's just hard when you need a man, and he's still near enough, and she knows he'll care, because of the kids. If it's been a while since they divorced, then she needs to move on with her life, and stop depending on him for everything. Divorce means divorce, byebye, gone from your life. But if he left her for another woman, (or maybe for you) then I'd be worried, cuz maybe he's having second thoughts and secretly trying to rekindle his thing with her. Talk to him about it.
2007-02-06 15:17:31 · answer #8 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably has guilt and he should still be devoted to his first family including her, as all ex should get along and lend a hand whether it be related to the kids or not.
2007-02-06 15:17:40 · answer #9 · answered by Destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this but he obviously still has feelings for her especially if the favors have nothing to do with the kids.
2007-02-06 15:32:53 · answer #10 · answered by Olivia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say he feels guilty and because they have kids together. Just because the favors don't involve the kids, doesn't mean he's not helping her for the kids sake.
2007-02-06 15:15:48 · answer #11 · answered by ஐ♥Gin♥ஐ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋