If we get busy and I am serving the thing I notice most is the feel of cold, sticky soft drink fizz hitting my arms as I walk quickly to deliver a drink to a customer.
It seems long, should I cut it up? How?
2007-02-06 06:26:04 · 5 answers · asked by michaeln_2006 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
why don't you lose a few words?
If we get busy while I am serving, what I notice most is the cold, sticky soft drink fizz hitting my arms as I quickly walk to deliver a drink to a customer.
it's really not that long, and definitely not a run-on.
p.s. "writing" is spelled with one 't', since you're doing a paper and all... good luck!
2007-02-06 06:31:45 · answer #1 · answered by anouk_zeina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sentence is fine, except for a missing comma after "serving":
If we get busy and I am serving, the thing I notice most is the feel of cold, sticky soft drink fizz hitting my arms as I walk quickly to deliver a drink to a customer.
2007-02-06 14:28:33 · answer #2 · answered by disposable_hero_too 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If we get busy and I am serving, the first thing I notice is the feeling of cold, sticky soft drink fizz hitting my arms as I quickly walk to deliver the drink to the customer.
I think it sounds better this way.
2007-02-06 14:30:11 · answer #3 · answered by ♥♫i♥bloo♫ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with disposable. But I'd also put a comma between arms and the prepositional phrase "as I was quickly...."
2007-02-06 14:31:19 · answer #4 · answered by liddabet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think disposable has it.
2007-02-06 14:54:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋