Family probs...?

Question

Ok, I'm getting married in 1 and a half months. My parents don't agree to it because 1.) I'm 20 (gonna be 21 in april) 2.) He's in the army 3.) He stood up to my dad when my dad was being very hateful towards me. We have been dating for 3 years, been engaged for a year and a half. We've been thru a lot together especially with him being gone to Iraq and just returning 2 months ago. I cant seem to get my point across to them especially my dad and now i dread even calling them. What should I do?

Answer 1

Get married to the man you love!!!

I was 20 when I got married, and now I'm 21. No one really wanted us to get married either, but we have no complaints about it thus far!!!

You are a grown woman, since the age of 18 as far as I'm concerned! You can make your own decisions. If you've waited this long to marry him, I can tell you're doing it for the right reasons. You truly love him!

And whatever issues you two have should stay between you! You can handle the issues with a little prayer, and a lot of communication.

But you really should talk to your parents. It would haunt you for the rest of your life if you ignored the issue or just brushed them off. You are their child. They only want what they 'think' is best for you. But you know what's good for you yourself. So tell them again how you feel, and that you are not changing your mind. Let them know how much they mean to you. Make sure that you let them know that you want and need their support to be truly happy. Hopefully they will come to their senses and really trust you on this one.

I really do wish you the best. And congrats on the upcoming wedding day!!!

Email me if you need more advice or help with anything. Just click on my avatar and give it a go!!!

Answer 2

First, it's important to stand back from the situation and try to see everyone's perspectives. I'm sure they have what they feel to be legitimate reasons for their disapproval. Secondly, I've learned that no matter what anyone else thinks, I have to be the one to make the decision because I am the one that will have to live with it.

Now... you sound like me in #1 and 2. I was married against my parents warnings to a military guy. Thing is, most of our dating time was spent away from each other. Looking back now I can see we really hadn't established an understanding of each other on the basic level we needed before we got married. Our marriage survived 4 years. It wasn't the military that caused it. That was actually a blessing and brought wonderful people in our lives. It would NEVER hurt to wait longer.

My question on #3 is: how did he stand up to your dad? Did he do it respectfully? toward you? toward him? This will do a lot to demonstrate what kind of person he is in a tough situation - but shows nothing about what he does when HE feels cornered. That's important to know, too. Can you answer those questions?

Answer 3

20 is young to get married but it seems that your relationship is more mature than they know . is it only the age thing they're concerned about or is it other issues? it's every parents dream for their little girl to grow up and have a princess wedding and you being the bride it puts a big strain on their wallet maybe they want to make sure you are making the right decision before making such a big investment. some how your going to have to prove that he's the one for you.. i recently got married and i look back to when i was 21 and there's no way i was ready. knowing what i know now . but every one is different even though you have a 3 year history with this guy, men can still come and go but your parents will always be your parents no matter what decision you make. good luck

Answer 4

Getting Married is about the love that you and your fiance share... its not about who agrees with it and who don't. Your dad must realize that he will eventually push you away, and I'm sure if he really cares about you he'll suck up his pride and be there for you. If he can't do that then you are better off forgetting about it.
I'm also 20, and I have friends that are married. A few to military marriages, and its different with the military (as you know), because they encourage marriage if you plan to live together.
Be excited about what you have to look foreward to, true love is rare, and if this is the right time for you, then take advantage.
My advice: Sit down, listen to everything your dad has to say, and tell him that you understand where he is coming from as a father but this is what is best for you, and ONLY YOU know what that is at our age, no one else. We all have to learn on our own... and if this marriage is a lesson then thats what it is, but if its the beginning of the eternal love that you and your hubby share, then either way you are going to improve your overall self and your dad should respect that.

Answer 5

Your parents are probably worried because being a military wife is difficult. Lots of women who marry soldiers get pregnant within a few months -- hey, it's cheap to give birth when the government is paying for it -- and divorce within three years.

You're young, don't rush into this thinking it's going to be glamorous because it's not. Moving around from base to base is no fun. Then you have to worry about his deployments and other travels. Imagine your husband being in Iraq while you're giving birth to your fist child.

Don't be so hard on your parents. They only want to see you have a happy, fulfilling life. They know what you want at 21 is probably not what you'll want the rest of your life.

Answer 6

Happy Birthday soon, me 2!!! The Army shows that the 1 u love has responsibility etc. I can go on and on ! Standing up to your Dad, WOW! Most guys will not do that! Mom? What about her? You are an adult, but u want their blessing...anything else u r not telling us? They have to have a reason, maybe. Well!! U R an adult, u r happy with your man! GET MARRIED>>>IT IS YOUR LIFE!!!!

Answer 7

First you are old enough to make your own decision about this. Being in the army is a tough, respectable thing to do and should not be a consideration when you love someone. He stood up to your dad to protect you, his love, from your dad who was being hateful, can't blame him for that. I say call your parents but stand up for yourself. What ever they decide is their choice and you can do whatever you want and feel is right for you.

Answer 8

You are an adult and if you are really sure this is the guy for you, then marry him no matter what your parents say. I know you want their approval, but I bet they won't like 9 out of 10 guys you bring home. It's just their way of holding on to their baby a little while longer. Once you are married, hopefully they will lighten up on your husband and realize how much you guys love each other.

Answer 9

Get married and be happy, your family can not dictate who you spend your life with, or when you choose to commit to someone. They will eventually come around and if not, more is the pity to them for missing out on all the love you two will have to share. I wish you well and your new husband safety in Iraq,
Sincerely,
A Military Mom
Tracylyn S

Answer 10

Ur parenst are probably right. they don't want to see u suffer with the aftermath of war and stuff like that, but then again U love your man and want to stay with them. to me it seems that they are struggling to keep U. They love you both. I say U have a talk with ur parents about letting U go and be your own person. DO not disrespect them and don't stand up to them....... With time they will understand and get over it. Go on get married and leave with your man. But Keep in touich with Ur parents. Do not let them go at all. Even if they reject U, keep communication with them and in time they'll get accustomed to the idead of U being gone. Good luck! all they need is time.