ive been with mike my boyfriend for five years now... we have two wonderful girls together... i have a promise ring on my finger...but lately ive been wondering is this just a promise not to marry me... is there something wrong with me? we have a wonderful relationship... almost perfect just a few financial problems here and there... other than that we are a perfect little family... but why hasnt he popped the question yet?? any advice as to how i go about bringing it up?? or if i should just let it go and see if it happens on its own?
2007-02-06 06:08:04 · 5 answers · asked by Zoe W 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
A piece of paper is not going to change your happiness as a family. You are married really. You live together, have children, love each other and you seem happy with him. The only thing I would do is refuse to have more children until you are married. That would be my only suggestion. He will take you to the altar when he is ready. If he does it before then only to please you, then is it really worth getting married. If you are looking to have a committed relationship and are now requiring marriage as a part of that, then leave. Pressuring him with ultimates will not gain you happiness only resentment of the pressure you placed on him. You moved in and had children with out any marriage agreement, You kind of facilitated and supported a non marriage union and now you want to change that. Be careful how you go about that change.
Sincerely,
Tracylyn S
2007-02-06 06:29:22 · answer #1 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who Zoe there are some judgemental people here but i am not going to do that. I agree with no more childrne unless you are married though.
Now for the hard part-pack up the children and get on with your life. My aunt spent her life like this and the supposed love of her life married another woman and started a family with her while ignoring his other 5 (thats right I said 5 children)
Your children especially daughters wiill think this is normal and will expect the same for themselves. Whether or not you give him an ultimatum is up to you but dont issue it if you dont mean it or else he will never take you seriously. By the wya have you ever talked to him about this? It would seem to me that he should know how you feel and if he cares would make the move on his own. My mommy says that if a man wnats to be with you he will-i believe that because i ahve seen it time and time again.
On another note-you are not married. depending upon where you live there i no such thing as common law marriage no matter what people think. try to file a claim for social security and see how far that gets you or death benefits with an employer. Becuase you have children you want at least them to be protected in the event that something happens to you. You can use this as your ice breaker-ask him if he has the children listed as beneficiaries on insurance, bank accounts and the like, follow that up by asking if you are listed as well. If he becomes hesistant about the entire conversation-run, dont walk to you moms or somewhere else and start anew
I hope this helps and I wish you nothing but the best.
2007-02-06 07:06:16 · answer #2 · answered by msijg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend who gave her man the ultimate ultimatum after 9 years- commit and marry me or walk! He walked- fortunately she had the good sense to use contraception in those 9 years.
Children should only be brought into the equation when there is long term commitment on both sides- if you are both happy to commit but not marry thats fine if you have absolute trust- if you need a ring to prove his commitment then you should have thought about your priorities before having the kids!!
2007-02-06 06:29:11 · answer #3 · answered by PenB 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense but it's a little late now. Should have done this BEFORE you had kids. After 5 years you've told him through your inaction that this is not a priority for you...only thing you can do is tell him that it IS a priority but don't count on him changing his mind...you really have no leverage on this so you'd better hope that getting married to you really was in his future plans.
2007-02-06 06:17:24 · answer #4 · answered by digdowndeepnseattle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont believe its you its a guy thing they are scared to commit because they have the ''what ifs'' i k now because my boyfriend and i have been together and hes asked the question but he wont go get married we been engaged for 1 year now but i found that if you peer presure him it will only delay the question longer just let him know your there for him no matter what and if he sees you not pushing it maybe he will surprise you good luck
2007-02-06 06:15:08 · answer #5 · answered by shyshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋