Why am I being told I am wrong?

Question

I am a single Mum of 3 who suffered my ex having done terrible things to me and our children. I have survived and my kids are doing great. I have worked hard to provide for them and it has paid off. Time has come for me to have a relationship & he is a wonderful man who loves me and my children - there is true trust and respect here. I am being told that I am wrong for putting this man on the same level as myself and putting our relationship equal to my children. What kind of example am I setting for my children if I always put them above everything - why is it wrong to put them equal to the man I love and who loves me. Friends and outside family are always telling me I must continue to put the kids above everything - even myself - but if my children are stable, doing well and on their way to becoming productive members of society and this new man is supportive of that - why does everyone tell me I am wrong?

Answer 1

Nobody has the right to tell you how to raise your children, only you know. If you are happy and your children's needs are met and they are happy, don't worry about what others say.
Tell them the horrible ordeal that you all had to endure, has finally been overcome and are now finally happy (why can't they see that). Although you appreciate their concern you know what is best for your family and their comments are not necessary or welcomed.
I'm not sure why they can't support you, perhaps they don't want to see you get hurt again. Children should be a priority but not necessarily the first in line at all times, it just depends on what the priority is and if it deserves to be first.

Answer 2

Your friends and family are simply wrong. Your needs are just as important as your children's. You sound like a very caring mother and having a good relationship could also provided the children with a caring father-figure, maybe a father down the road. Sit down with those friends and family members and have a heart to heart talk. Tell them that if they can not be supportive of you, then you may not be able to find a place for them in your life. You deserve to be happy and have a healthy relationship. Just remember that in the process to include the children. Make sure they understand that they are important, but you have needs as well. They will most likely be more understanding than most. I wish all the best to you.

Answer 3

And why do your family and friends have any business in this relationship??? The simple answer is you will have unconditional love for each of them for very different reasons. There is no " equal" or " not equal". That doesn't even make sense. There will be times that one of them will need more of your time and attention; that's so normal. That is what will make a tight family unit. The only thing wrong here is these loud mouths who think their opinions should influence you. Please don't allow them to spoil your new found happiness. Your children are stable and doing well... that attests to the fact that you are mature and caring and perfectly capable of making your own decisions in regards to your love life.

Answer 4

Trying to artificially put your children above all else can backfire. I think children would be better off seeing you behave in a genuine manner, and see you not solely as a provider but as a human being as well. Of course your children come first, your new man will understand that, but for the most part he may actually be able to help you raise your kids rather than hinder it.

Answer 5

first the only person you need to put first is yourself
not in a selfish manner
like me I was married divorce with 3 children, I love them and have always make sure the are taken care of, dress with the best that I can provide I have a deadbeat X that is fine I always shut my mouth where he is concern because my children mental been is more important than me trying to fight the 88 for a few $s
but when I mention to put yourself first is because if you are not happy how can you make anyone else happy
so if this man make you happy, and will not abuse your children
why do you have to defend your happyness to others
I am remarried and move from the US I have get negative and +
concerning that decission but it was mine & my children to make
and we made it, we are happy
these years you have been by yourself you have concentrate in makeing sure that your children were taken care of now it is your turn stop caring what other think and take care of your family including your man
Goodluck & Good bless

Answer 6

ask yourself what heppens when your kids get married and start there own families. Not saying you won't be apart of that but wouldn't it be nice to have somebody with you. I think that as long as the kids are doing okay and that you don't change anything like time you spend with them then it should be fine. Sounds like your man also shares that your kids are important and knows that they come first. dont let a good thing pass by. do what you feel will make you happy as for everyone else, tell them to shut up and mind there own buisness.

Answer 7

Your not wrong, you can take care of your self and have a relationship, while still being a good Mom. Is there perhaps something about this man that your friends and family does not like?

Answer 8

If they really are doing great, and they will be just fine then its fair! there isn't any reason 4 u not to girl! just tell them THEY are wrong and have the kids let them know that they are happy 4 u and are doing great, and will s till be doing great if you treat people equally. and that's all your doing, treating people equally.
Hope I helped!:o)

-mystic

Answer 9

Enjoy your new love, as long as you don't put him before your kids screw what everyone else thinks... You deserve it.