my wife had a physical affair 6yrs ago but just told me about it 4 months ago. she has also been hiding an emotion affair(so she says) from me for about a year. she said she ended it when i found out about the "friendship" by finding her cell phone records.
2007-02-06 05:57:58 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So basically you can't trust her at all. and as far as her telling you the truth, she might not have, till you found out yourself?
This does not sound good, and you have two options:
Take some time to really think this trough, and if you are willing to work on this marriage or, at this point, call it quits.
If you want to work it out, it's a long process, and you have to work on it together.
If you do not think this is possible, get a good divorce lawyer and make sure your next partner is not a cheater.
2007-02-06 06:05:12 · answer #1 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The foundation of your marriage is based on lies and a lack of commitment, and my only question is why are you still there??? She betrayed you hon, and that is the only deal buster in marriage..... If you started counseling today, it will be two years before it is repaired, and that is if you both wish to save it, and it is as will with no guarantees........ Any loving husband deserves a faithful wife, and marriages that work contain admiration, respect, passion, and trust, {She destroyed your trust, by sharing the passion with someone else.... so the admiration and respect you had for her is probably in the toilet with the trust and passion.... (and those are the four biggies in a marriage...) Marriages also have lots of lovies, time together, ability to solve problems without rage, and if it gets bumpy some time with a counselor...Yours, from what you have written here isn't part of this list..... this sounds like you are the "jerk in Reserve" I.e., sharing.... And don't share, hon, don't share. ,,,not ever.... Your marriage is not well. ...in fact it may not even be there at all... you may just have an occasional boinking buddy and a roommate.......
If she is not willing to get her head on straight to make a physical and emotional commitment to her marriage and to you, you have a reason to leave, to be rid of her, to find a nice lady who does wish to make a commitment.... life is too short to stay with a bimbo, and if you are a sweetie, you deserve a faithful, loving spouse..... Good luck, hon
2007-02-06 06:27:21 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not trust her anymore. I think you deserve better and should walk away. Once a cheater always a cheater and next time maybe she will share an STD with you or something. Kick her to the curb and take the kids with you too. She is not able to show them any morality in living and kids need at least one parent who can give them a good example of parenting and morality. There are a lot of great ladies out there who are looking for good men like you. You do not have to settle just because you married one wrong choice.
Best of Luck
Tracylyn S
2007-02-06 06:03:09 · answer #3 · answered by Tracylyn S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counselling. If you want to try to save your marriage then you both need to go to marriage counselling. She needs to decide whether she can be honest and faithful. In this day and age she is putting your life in danger if she is having sex with other men and then you without your knowledge. If she wants to risk her own life, that's her problem, but she has no right to risk yours. As for the emotional affair, it's just as bad as a physical affair without jeopardizing your health. Does she even care that she could get and STD and pass it to you? The important thing is what you want. You need to decide if you want to forgive her. If you do, counselling is the answer. You will have a hard time trusting her now and a counsellor could help you with that and also help her (if she wants to change). In order for counselling to work, you both have to want it.
2007-02-06 06:21:06 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult to trust someone after they have lied to you. There must of been a reason she told about the affair of six years ago when she didn't have to. I believe she wants to figure out why she is doing this as well. My guess is that she has an absent father and keeps looking for male attention to make her feel good. It is not your fault that she has unhealthy needs. If you love her, go to counseling so that she can learn why she seeks attention from lots of men. If she does not want to go to counseling she will not be able to change. She has to learn to grow and understand herself. Be kind to yourself and try to understand that it isn't about you.
2007-02-06 06:05:11 · answer #5 · answered by transpersonalpsychologist 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
more communication with her, if she is having some emotional affair she feels she is not getting what she needs from u, doesn't mean her love for u is dead, just agreeing to end the affair means u mean something to her, and she values u. so therapy would teach u how to communicate with her and be more supportive. would teach her what she is doing is wrong and not acceptable under any circumstances. good luck
2007-02-06 10:14:48 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick her lying cheating behind to the curb and then file for divorce . If it took her this long to tell you she and you obviously have communication difficulties and you had to find her cell records to get the truth what does that tell you ? nope would not even consider staying with her . good luck.
2007-02-06 06:17:59 · answer #7 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best way to deal with this is to seek counseling and help for you and for this marriage. Work on trying to restore this marriage and making it work.
2007-02-06 06:14:11 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is everything in a marriage without trust you have nothing.If your wife has cheated it does'nt sound like you can trust her.Stop wasting your time and divorce her she will never be faithful to you.
2007-02-06 06:20:55 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if this is for you or her, but I think after 6 years of repressed emotions I think a doctor or counsiling is a must. This is my opinion. Also probably for the both of you.
2007-02-06 06:02:53 · answer #10 · answered by Vthokie25 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋