about their father? He cheated on me several times, he is not abiding by our legal settlement and lately I feel like I need to defend myself. I had to go to court again and as soon as he gets served the papers he calls my 16 year old to tell her that I'm suing him. We've been divorced for 11 years and now that they are teenagers the questions are getting harder to answer without laying it all out on the table. When should they know, if ever? Will it just screw them up to know the truth?
2007-02-06 05:48:48 · 28 answers · asked by porkchop 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
...all truth is relative.
thus to speak your own perceptions to off-spring of prior relations is only to share with them your own ideas and feelings as they pertain to these experiences.
it is evaluations.
to those you support.
the prospect of sharing with your own off-spring the nature of your prior relationship as you perceive it is your choice to make. that this may create stress and/or illness by sharing realizations which have only partial truth and are more or less impartially considered is something you will have considered and will reconsider. depending on the nature or your present evaluations as you experience these.
i would recommend you receive good counselling prior releasing/revealing any ill creating experiences/perceptions to others which are of your nurturing awarenesses.
be well
2007-02-06 06:46:07 · answer #1 · answered by noninvultuous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest,I don't think you could go wrong in telling the truth. I'm not sure how old your children are but I have 2 girls, 13&18 and I was in that situation, beated and cheated on and I always found it better to tell them like it is, no matter what.{more so to my oldest daughter,less evasive to the younger one} Now I never said things about him in a hateful way or out of spite,but "a dot is just a dot" if you know what I mean.So I have asked my 18 year old {you made me think that... maybe? } if I might of hurt her or thought that I screwed up her life with the things I said,she simply replied, "yea some of the things hurt to HEAR,but it never hurt her to the point were things went crazy because of it, nor did it make her dislike her father any less.{her decision}I can't ask the younger one, she's more sensitive.They say a girl will always go for the guy that most reminds them of their father and that can be frightning.A boy will usually act out like the father and that is just as frightening. I wish you the best, and I know it will be hard and all of you will probably cry but then you will know that you have done everything possible to secure a happy future for your children when it comes to their relationships.
Knowledge is the best defence,for life.
2007-02-06 10:18:44 · answer #2 · answered by Sidetracked0260 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very general in criticizing thier father. No one wants to be turned against their parents. I wouldn't bring up the cheating until they are adults and then only if they ask. Remember this scumbag is their hero and the relationship between him and the kids can still be positive. As far as the legal settlement I think they are old enough to understand having to pay for your children and visitation. If they have questions I'd tell them to ask their father if you think the answer would make him look bad. My experience is that the kids usually figure out what kind of person he is on their own. I know it's hard but just try to be the best most positive role model you can be and your kids will love you even if they don't act like it.
2007-02-06 06:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by scotto destructo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always tell your children the truth.
Since your daughter is 16 years old, she is old enough to comprehend the court papers and settlement papers. Show them to her. Explain them to her. Let her reach her own conclusions. If he screwed up, then so much the better for her to understand the situation. However, if you screwed up, then you had better have a good logical explanation for her. Don't try to gloss it over either way. Just lay out the bare facts, and answer her questions truthfully.
2007-02-06 05:55:05 · answer #4 · answered by rb_cubed 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi James, She could were advised once she develop into mature adequate to handle it. (everywhere from 5-eleven years-this being adoptive dad and mom are typically beforehand & straightforward) in case you commence mendacity for your little ones it really is what they study. (there's a catalogue of those). that is unhappy, each and every from time to time the reality hurts yet may were extra perfect=honesty is continually the perfect coverage. The third celebration, father/mom, grandparents, in-regulations-ins etc. must have respected your fiance's parenting skills. Have a sturdy day & sturdy luck. :0) further data:Least no longer ignore you'd be her followed Dad yet now the third celebration advised her=Now even as is the daughter going to confront her mom (screaming why did not you tell me & what else have you ever lied about this truly relies upon on the newborn), will she say i do not ought to pay interest era (preteen & teenage years), run away, flow stay else the position etc. that is the question?
2016-11-25 20:29:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How is the kids relationship with their father...Is their father around does he visit with them?
The way you should handle this depends on how serious they take their dad..
It sounds to me like the dad is letting it out about you to them...which is not cool..
If they don't take their dad seriously (if he has not been around, and just calls to complain...) then leave it at that..I am pretty sure they are getting tired of that too..
If they do take their father really serious, then brake it to them softly.. I am asuming that you are suing him b/c he is not paying up? Which in that case he is a dead beat anyway..BUT YOU CANNOT TELL YOUR KID THAT..don't ever talk trash about their father just sit down with them and explain why you are taking him to court in the first place..that there was a legal agreement but he is not helping out on his behalf..if you got divorced him 11 years ago, your kids have already digested the fact that you guys are not getting along..I don't think that giving them the reason why is going to make you look better at this stage..unfortunatly..
2007-02-06 06:06:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At one time you loved this man enough to have children by him. It is best to tell the children that even though the two of you have moved on with your lives, he is still their father and you do not want to interfere with a relationship between them. When the children are older, they will come to see him and know him for the kind of person he really is. If you try running him into the ground, you will just be seen as a villianness, so let them discover his bad side for themselves. Till then, carry yourself with dignity and class. It will be worth it in the long run.
2007-02-06 06:18:30 · answer #7 · answered by Orion777 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 16 yr old is old enough to know the truth. Futhermore, you might want to tell her, the next time her dad calls complaining to her about something you did, tell her to tell him that he needs to take that problem up with you and leave her out of it. It's not her problem, it's his. He needs to grow up and take responsiblity for his actions. You didn't state how old your other child/children are, but in my experience, a child is old enough to tell the truth when they can understand the difference between right and wrong.
2007-02-06 05:56:18 · answer #8 · answered by curiousnktown 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is never a fun thing to go through. What problems you have with your ex is not your childs problem. Just continue to support the lil ones and move on. All you would be doing is spreading the hate. Your ex would tell one story and you another. Your kid would be almost forced to take sides, and what sane parent would do that to a child?
2007-02-06 06:00:23 · answer #9 · answered by deez145 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would believe now. they are becoming adults and they need to learn to deal with every day life. It will make them look at you as a person and not so much their mom and that's good just tell the truth not any more or any less just the necessity don't beat down their dad no more than you have to.Good luck
2007-02-06 05:56:37 · answer #10 · answered by Stacie G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's unfortunate that the ex is bringing them into this by phoning and telling them that you are suing him. I would tell them the points that you think is pertinent. Don't be defensive, just give them the facts of exactly why you are suing. If it's that you're not getting the money for your child support, tell them that and only that. The kids shouldn't be involved unless necessary.
2007-02-06 05:52:48 · answer #11 · answered by Dally 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋