Step daughter and grades?

Question

I am a teacher of my 13 year old step daughter and she is always causing problems for me, been back talking me, and she keeps getting bad grades and i have tried punishing her and her father has to we are think about starting to spank her. Her father is also a teacher at this same school. Any ideas

Answer 1

let me ask you to re-read your question. do see any mistakes, any misspelled words. maybe you typed the question really rapidly, however there were many flaws. maybe you should consider sending your step-daughter to school, because we know that english, literature, and grammar is not your strong point. she may want a real education. All joking aside.... your step-daughter is 13. YOU TOO were 13. Rebeling is just unfortunetly what teenagers do. it may get worse but you have to stay on top it. it could also be that she wants to attend a regular school.....whatever the case maybe, you should not stand for any talking-back or acting-up; she is the child/ student; you are the adult/ teacher.

Answer 2

First - NO spanking. She is too old. Discipline should be more age-appropriate: removing special things from her life, such as not allowing her to go to the mall with friends or no TV until grades come up. Then stick to your guns about it.

I have been a stepmother. It is not an easy task, but can be rewarding if you can work it out.

Is it possible she can be moved to another teacher? It's tough having your "mom" be your teacher. The other kids figure she'll get preferential treatment and she may be trying to prove them wrong by purposely getting bad grades.

You need to work on building a better relationship with her. Let her know you are always available to talk to her about ANYTHING. She may try to shock you at first with wild questions about sex, drugs, etc. but keep your cool, keep an open mind and answer her honestly. For instance, my granddaughter asked me about homosexuality at about that age. I kept a straight face, gave her a pretty basic answer figuring if she wanted more she'd ask, and she was glad I didn't freak out. Apparently her step-mom did when she asked and told her "Nice people don't even THINK about stuff like that, let alone talk about it."

Also try to find a mutual interest and then schedule one-on-one time with her. Is there a movie you'd both like to see. Make it a "girls night (or afternoon) out", go to the movie, have dinner or lunch and maybe browse a few stores letting her try on clothes if there's time. Again, she'll probably try to shake you up, but keep your cool.

Once she realizes that you are actually pretty cool and can be trusted (never discuss with your husband or anyone else what she tells you, unless you ask her first if you can share her thoughts with her dad), I'm sure she'll come around.

Answer 3

I don't suspect that spanking her will help... based on the duration of the problem and her age.

If you and your husband are both educators, consider that she's using her bad grades to "get at" you and/or reveal a much bigger problem. For instance:

1. Does she talk back to you because she has a problem with you as a stepmom?

2. Did she start talking back recently, which would indicate a problem in another area?

I come from a family of educators, and it drove me crazy when my 12 - 13 year old son would mess up on his grades. Knowing him as a straight-A student, I discovered that his grades reflected a totally unrelated turmoil.

Remember, good doctors treat symptoms while aiming to kill the root cause. Focus a little less on her grades (symptom) and spend a little more time lovingly discovering the root cause.

Mother to mother, I wish you the best!

Answer 4

OK, SPANKING, not going to cut it. So her grades are bad. Have you or her father sat down with her and attempted to help her with her work. Maybe shes not getting it and doesn't know its OK to ask for help! Hitting only leaves her with negative feedback and will cause her to not only loose her interest in learning, but wanting to have a relationship with both of you! Study with her, you and your husband might learn something new. This maybe her way of showing the stress of your marriage. Kids show stress in odd ways. Where is the child's mom? If shes around have her help with homework. You married into that family, you have to remember they were there before you. You have to work with them. Take a step up and show her, that you want to be a friend and want to work with her and not against her. Make it like a cram section ... you know, some junk food and take a couple hours with her a night, not every night has to be a junk food study. Make it fun for HER! Just a few thoughts. I'm a step Mom too!

Answer 5

Spanking a 13 year old sounds a little ridiculous to me. Consider punishment that is appropriate for her age. Like take away the phone, computer, weekend fun....that actually would hurt more than a spanking.

Answer 6

13 is a little too old to start spanking - I would suggest like the other poster - get her moved to another classroom. I would take it one step further. When the three of you are having dinner let her know that you love her and that you really want to keep her in your classroom; however, discuss that if she is not able to behave in class, you have no choice but to have her placed in another classroom. As a stepmother, you have to be compassionate at all times, so blame it on school administration or something.

Answer 7

You cannot spank a child for bad grades. That is ridiculous. Also, in my opinion, your daugher is too old for spanking anyway. The child has obviously had some major upsets in her life (where is her mother?) and children do react badly to the situation around them.
Stop punishing her, try encouraging her, bribing her, talking to her and reasoning with her. Andif you can't cope, let her father deal with her. It isn't your place.
You should both say that backchat is unaccpetable, and lay down the rules for that.

Answer 8

Have her moved to a different homeroom! See if she can get transfered to a different school in your distric it depends on where you live but usally there are waviers from city to city (intra county) Maybe it is just to overwhelming for her to have to be with you guys all the time she feels trapped and she is always being watched so she don't care what she does cuase you already know what she does cause you work with her other teachers so there is nothing for her to talk to you about so she just does what she wants, she doesn't have to behave becuase you guys are always there.

Answer 9

I have a hard time believing that this question is serious, since I can't imagine a teacher writing a question so poorly that just about anyone can spot ten or more grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. I can't imagine how you type up your curriculum if you won't even take the effort to type out a serious question.

Answer 10

I will tell you this... my sister was in the same predicament.. she was 15 and causing hell. One day, my dad got fed up and gave her a good bare butt *** tanning over his knee. She cried, of course, and had to sit on a pillow at dinner that night, but the next day, all was well and her behavior was better right away. Spank her and see what happens. if its effective, keep with it. Just make sure at the end of her spanking, you tell her that if her behavior doesnt improve she will get it again. that way the thought will stay in her mind. Everyone works with different things, but use a hand or hairbrush on her bare butt.. do NOT use a belt. thats bad new bears for all of you. anyways thought id throw in my opinion, let us know how it goes.