Freakin' mother in law! Need help with this one.?

Question

My wife and I have had a number of problems since marrying and trying to blend families. We’ve done our fair share of being immature and verbally abusing each other at times. We’re still working on that. Problem is she is blabbing to her parents about everything and giving them one side of things and of course her parents are going to be saying well you should leave. My parents would to if I told them the garbage that’s come out of her mouth. Now she’s convinced I’m verbally abusive and is listening to her overbearing mother (who she couldn’t stand talking to when I met her). Her mother has lived through her children and can’t stand it that her daughter got married because I think she feels like she has to control her children. I don’t know what to do to get back some sort of control over my marriage. It feels like I’m battling my mother in law for my wife. I just want my wife to realize she’s being totally immature but she just can’t let go of her mother now. When I first met her I was the savior to my wife from her over bearing mother. Now guess who’s the savior from her husband? What can I do? I feel lost in my marriage and that I’m married to a little girl.

Answer 1

tell you wife that she can go back and live with her mother ...

Answer 2

well put, and I know exactly where your coming from. The problem is this, she IS a little girl, and this is due to the way she was raised. Inlaws will ruin any marriage because they are so damn bored with their own lives. I truly hate to say this, but it seems that your wife most likely will not grow up, shes immature, and just from your post, I can tell you are more mature than her, wanna know why? because you SEE this, and she doesn't. Marriage is hard enough, now you have a childish wife who goes to her parents when you fight?? that is such baby crap. Dude there's plenty of mature women out there, don't let someone ruin your life. If she wants to run back to mommy, let her, no man will put up with that crap. Men want a woman, not a child. This girl and she is a girl, has no idea what real life is about, because she still leans on mommy. I wish you the best, and remember, if you do or decide to have a child with her, it will only get worse, so please be careful. Life is short, have fun while it's here.
best of luck bro.

Answer 3

I am a christian and in the bible it say the man and the woman will leave there parents and cleave to each other and be one body
My husband and I argue and become verbaly abusive also. I have learned to be a forgiving person and remeber a soft answer turns away a fight, try to be the better person and do not let divorce be a issue. Tell her you are sorry for every bad thing you said to her and tell her she is beautiful and you could not ever see your self with out her then take her somewhere special and just be in awe of her, by doing this she will only react with love and tell her how you feel tell her that you understand during these tring times that she needs someone to talk to and her mother will only tell her what she wants to hear not what she needs to hear personly i would find a nce church and talk to one of there counslers because the will not let divorce be an answer try www.marriagebuilders.com

Answer 4

Quit arguing with her. Quit trying to win the petty little debates. Quit trying to reason with her. Just shut the hell up and behave in a pleasant manner. I've never heard so much whining and complaining in my life !!! That's is all you've done on here the past few days. Your mother in law is controlling and are trying to convince your wife that she is being immature. Just what the "F" are you? A savior??? Well, don't you have a high opinion of yourself....You are at a minimum part of the problem if not the root cause. Mr Self Righteous himself.

Answer 5

Well the fact that you were her Savior when you married, her means that you married a little girl. That is the problem, you married a little girl and she is acting like it. I don't know what to tell you- If I was talking to your wife, I would tell her that she needs to tell her mother to stay out of your marriage. If you are having serious problems then she may ned soemone to talk to and confide in. I would tell her to find a church leader or a different person, who won't stir up trouble. I was married to soemone who had addictions, I needed someone to confide in so that I did not think i was crazy, my mOm is who I turned to, but she stayted out of our lives.

Really you can't change her, you married a little girl and she has still not grown up. Hopefully you don't have children, this mess will be easier to sort out if you don't.

I think that one of the worst things in marriages is parents who won't let go of their children, and children who won't let go of their parents. Once you are married, it is all about the two of you, your other families and friends go on the back burner.

Answer 6

OMG, wow! This is TOTALLY how we women feel when the HUSBANDS mother is rude, overbearing, and telling her son to dump his wife, that she is not good enough for him, and how the husbands mom tries to run the marriage. Guess it goes both ways. Just tell her how you feel and what you are thinking and make your decision. Only you can decide what to do. If it is that bad, get a divorce. Usually it is the other way around and women end up dumping their husbands for being a freaking mama's boy.

Answer 7

I wouldn't divorce your wife but maybe you should distance yourself so that she can realize how immature she is being and what she has to lose if she continues to let other people's opinion dictate how she handles your marriage. I don't think you should expect her to stop seeking her parents comfort and support but at the same time she should be mature enough to put it all in perspective and take some responsibilty for her own actions and how they contribute to your problems.

Answer 8

I feel like sometimes I am in the same situation... but you know what marital problems should stay within the marriage... does your m-i-l come to you and ask you what she should do when she fights with her husband?? NO... then tell her and your fil to stay out of your life and if you wife can't work things out with you without broadcasting to her family then she is overdramatic and isn't interested on working on the issue at hand.

Answer 9

Your wife is acting like a mommy's girl. She sounds like she always has to have someone to complain about. She griped about her mom, now she's griping about you. She's dragging your mom-in-law into a business where she doesn't belong.
This is between you and your wife. Explain to your wife that when you married her, you expected to deal with only ONE woman. Her.
It's too bad that your wife is sharing so much garbage with her mom. Perhaps if she put as much energy into fixing your marriage as she puts into complaining about it, you both might find a solution.
It's good that you are aware of the verbal abuse. That's a great first step. Now, tell your wife that your marriage is between you and her. Not you, her and her mommy.

Answer 10

Divorce your wife and move on. You don't have a real nor normal marriage here and your wife obviously does not really love you. Not to mention, not being mature enough to know what marriage is about.

Forget the little girl and move on.

Answer 11

Try counseling. A lot of people would tell you to leave but this is the problem in America. It is too easy to get a divorce. Your vows said for better or for worse, so try getting help first. I would have never married her in the first place no full well that her mother was overbearing.