question for any married person?

Question

Is this an example of manipulation..Have been happily married 16 yrs to a great guy but when we fight which is rare he screams,yells,slam doors and hits wall BUT he has never hit me and says he never would..Sometimes when we fight he will throw something of his and if it breaks he will say "Thanks a lot i like that to"..Its like he is blaming me for something he did..Some said a person will fake an illness in an attempt to get u to feel sorry for them so u end up stop fighting with them..Well it seems hubby does this he will start with his "chest pains" and although there is a family history of heart problems in his family..He never seems to get these "chest pains" any other time except when we fight.

Wheres...WE DONT HAVE ANY KIDS YET

I do worry about his health and the history of heart problems..His brother is 45 and has had about 3 or 4 heartattacks and his mom died unexpectly of a heartattack 4 months ago..His mom's dad died of a heart attack when she was 15 and her mom had heart problems too. I told him many times he should get his heart checked out BUT i cant force or make him do it.

Well jams i dont think he experienced any trauma in his life although he doesnt talk about his childhood to much but i do know his dad did drink a lot and his mom paid more attention to his older brother then to him and his 2 younger sisters

Answer 1

Sounds like he is faking it. But when it comes to chest pains you can not be to careful. He needs to see a Dr. and find out what is going on. He may be experiencing a panic attack or something more serious.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I have a similar situation with my husband of 12 years. I can totally sympathize with you. My husband reacts the same way when we have an agrument and like you said it also only happens with me too! My husband has said that he hates seeing me upset. In turn, he takes all the blame for my being upset and for his actions. I honestly don't believe that he faking an illness or that it's an act of manipulation. The reactions we're getting from our husbands go deeper than that...I mean in an emotional sense.

My husband's behavior and reactions have a lot to do with a traumatic event he experienced as a child. I believe that my husband doesn't like any type of emotional stress and doesn't know exactly how to handle it. He and I extremely close and we talk about everything...but it's so difficult for him sometimes to verbally express himself. All our agrument whether big or small have come with great emotion on his part.

By any chance did your husband experience any trauma in his life? If so, I recommend that you do some research or suggest that your husband see a therapist. I read a lot books and articles relating to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that has helped me understand which have helped me deal with his emotions. I also convinced my husband to go to therapist which did help some and now these situations have occurred less often.

The chest pains are mostly likely a panic attack. But I would still have your husband make an appointment to be seen by his doctor just to be safe. If they are panic attacks, the doctor can prescribe him some medication that will help.

I wish you and your husband much luck and many years of happiness!

Answer 4

Well maybe the pains are from stress, but you never know! My husband of 10 years has never threw a hissy until about a month ago an it was terrible! I understand that he is under pressure at work and all , but besides working that is all he does! We as women have to do it all, house work taking care of the kids, work forty plus hours at work, need I go on.....!
Back to your hubby I would suggest he gets checked out by a doctor. If nothing I think he is just being a royal pain in the ***! You may could call him on it , not during a fuss though. Just fish for info of his occurrences. Some people realize that they have done wrong an they think trauma will fix it! Good luck to you an yours!

Answer 5

Don't dismiss the chest pains. The chest pains can come from the anxiety of the arguments. It's basically a panic attack of sorts. Shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat. Different symptoms of an anxiety attack. Look it up on the web. As far as him throwing things, that's from frustration. It's normal for some people. Just let him throw his crap as long as it's not at your face. Try to work on your communication a little more. It sounds like he is having problems expressing certain feelings, thus frustration at himself and at you for not being able to understand what he is trying to say. Like I said, you might be experiencing some communication problems. Try some slow breathing exercises for both of you. Ask for a time out before the argument gets heated. Let him know that you don't want to fight and show concern for his health. And never go to bed angry. Not healthy for you. Try to get things resolved before bed. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I'm married for 14 years and the only thing I can say is that your husband needs to go to an anger management course.

You have to take the chest pain seriously because one does get it if the person is enraged or angry. The blood pressure increases thus putting too much pressure on the heart.

Answer 7

My only suggestion would be if you are truly happy and he is truley a good guy would mabe seek some counceling so you could work these things out in a neutral setting. I am married and I would do the same if I were in the same situation people are too quick to divorce now a days for things that can be worked out. Good Luck to you!

Answer 8

He sounds like an as$hole.

I hope you don't allow your children to witness this behavior. I would advise him that he'd better not throw any more stuff, or he will find himself being thrown--out the door by the cops.

You know just as well as you are sitting there that this type of behavior is WRONG. If he loved you, he wouldn't allow himself to become out of control and intimidating. You guys need to speak with a therapist. What's the worst thing that could happen?

Answer 9

You can prove easily whether someone has an illness or not, so take him to the doctor and have him checked out. Either way he's responsible for his behavior just like everyone else. You're not to blame when he breaks things or loses his temper. He needs to calm down.

Answer 10

Sounds like my 5 year old grandson throwing a temper tantrum. Maybe he should just grow up a little. He don't need to see no medical doctor, but maybe a psychirist would help.